“The story of the West Texas Millionaire Burger”

In the year of our Lord 1878, Texas cattle baron Sam Caliber was busy expanding his empire. Always looking for the next “big thing“ Sam shipped forty head of Hereford Cattle by train out to Langtry, TX. Prior to this time ranchers were running longhorns brought up from Mexico. Word soon spread
throughout the West about the new beef and its great taste. Barbecues at the Caliber Ranch became the hottest event around with folks traveling hundreds of miles just to sink their teeth into some.

Sam realized that if he could make a hamburger with this new meat and add some secret spices he could make another fortune. Things were getting out of hand at the ranch what with so many barbecues and so many hungry people hanging around, Sam decided to head for Tombstone for some rest and relaxation. Late in 1882 upon his arrival he fell in with new friends including the Earp Brothers and a Mister Doc Holiday. Most importantly he struck up a romance with a local restaurateur /social worker named Nellie Cashman. Nellie set eyes on the newly arrived Texas Millionaire when he walked into her restaurant and boarding establishment, the Russ House, for some of the fine eating Sam heard about as
far East as Jasper.

The Texas Millionaire and the pretty business lady were a handsome couple and soon became the talk of the town. Unfortunately life in Tombstone wasn’t as quiet as Sam had hoped and he was soon forced to leave town, some say at gun
point, others say of his own volition, but as a parting gift he gave Nellie the recipe for his famous West Texas Burger. Nellie made, sold, and gave away thousands of these delicious burgers to ravenous miners, gunfighters, and ordinary folks before packing up and heading to the Yukon. The secret recipe
was thought forever lost until last year when it was uncovered at the old Cochise County Court House among historical documents on the shooting at the OK Corral. The recipe was returned to the rightful heirs in Texas.

Sam Caliber IV, the Great-Great-Grandson of Sam Caliber, as a favor to Dan Simonis and the West Texas Millionaires has given the exclusive rights to The Bisbee Grill, and the Page family to resurrect the great ol’ taste from Texas, via Tombstone, and now a part of the Bisbee experience. We are proud to introduce to you for the first time in over a hundred years, the legendary West Texas Millionaires Burger.

"This is the West Sir. When the legend becomes fact. Print the legend."

As relayed by Dan Simonis, 31 January, 2011.

West Texas Millionaires Burger/Album Release

Join Us on February 12^th

For A Bisbee Grille Extravaganza!!!

To Premier Our Latest Sensation:

The West Texas Millionaire Burger

Claiming The Title As

"The Best Burger West Of Texas!"

Please come join us for an evening of hearty feasting and drink, and mark the Bisbee release of the new West Texas Millionares album; with performances by Andy Hersey and Dan Simonis with the West Texas Millionaires. Join the fun and be in the video we will be shooting... details to follow...

Dan to Play Rock for Rehab

It’s getting to be time again for Rock for Rehab, Bisbee’s mid-winter party to celebrate the best of our local music talent, good food, and a great auction of the best of Bisbee.

Sunday, January 30th, 2011, at the Turquoise Valley Golf Club, from 11:00 AM to 6:00 PM you’re invited to hear:

Keith Allen Dennis... Nowhere Man and a Whiskey Girl… Sean Trachtman of Train Wreck... Jim Harrelson and Becky Reyes… Dylan Charles… Dan Simonis and The West Texas Millionaires… and RockUs

Here's Dan and Sean playing in the KBRP studio with DJ Chuck Alton, giving a taste of what you can see and hear:

Halo of Light Concert

This was taken at the "Halo of Light" concert held Friday, December 17th at the St. Patricks Catholic Church. Very well done, beautiful ambient sound and stage. Also on the ticket was Benise, Robert Longley and Karina Nuvo. Dan enjoyed his time there and looks forward to the benefit for the Verlhelst House at the end of January.

Dan Simonis to be Special Guest of Halo of Light

click here on Halo of Light

Dan Simonis will be special guest at the Halo of Light concert this coming Friday, December 17 2010, at 7pm. Located at the St. Patrick's Church in Bisbee, Arizona. Get tickets at the visitors center for $22 or at the door for $25. For more information call 818-749-3702.

Terrible Toby: Rodeo Clown gone bad

We left Dan at the rodeo being carted off on a stretcher with multiple bruises and broken wrist. But what we did not tell you is what happened to happy go lucky Toby the rodeo clown. If you agreed with me on the last post about the crazy cowboys riding bulls, then you would naturally second the motion on voting rodeo clowns as certifiably insane!

They take the horn to protect the cowboys from being killed by these angry angus. When Dan went down, in came the clown. But Toby was not expecting the bull to zero down on him, and in all of his 23 years of service as a servant rescue worker, he never had a bull take him down and stomp his skull in with it's hooves. They rushed him to the hospital and found that a portion of his frontal bone structure above his eyebrow was crushed inward, giving him what amounted to being a frontal lobotomy.

But instead of causing him a sedated frame of mind, he has an unbalanced mood of rage intermittent with mad laughter. "Terrible Toby" was his new nickname among the bull riders and cowboys in town. They would not let him back into the ring to be a rodeo clown, and he blames Dan for his demise. And that is how it all started, causing chaos for Dan whenever possible. He found out where Dan lived and started a series of scary and dangerous antics.

Just this Friday after Thanksgiving, Terrible Toby went to Dan's house, entered by the side door and stole a leftover Turkey leg from Dan's refrigerator:


Dan's wife, Puspa, happened to walk in at the time and screamed, waking Dan up and rushing into the kitchen. "TOBY!! Take the turkey leg and get the hell out of my house! Next time it's gonna be a bullet in your backside." They lock all their doors now, have put in security cameras that are motion sensitive, and connected to their home computer. But when they check the cameras, there's Terrible Toby grimacing behind the bushes. So Dan sends the dogs out every few hours on attack mode to do a securing of the perimeters.

Terrible Toby has backed off for the moment, and in his more sane moments he gets on his computer and updates his website. It is a dating service for fellow clowns he met at clown counseling, which is mandatory for his completing a 2 year probation for stalking Dan. It has proven to be lucrative for him and has landed him a girlfriend that is serving 15 years for attempted murder. Here is his ad:

Dan Simonis: Rodeo Romeo

Before there were the boys of Jackass, there was the Texas Rodeo. Everybody from the surrounding ranches gather round, drinking lone star beer and try to coerce a poor sap through double dare or a lost bet to get on a bull, and is told, “all ya got to do is stay on for 8 seconds and you can get off”

Then again, there is the Rodeo Romeo, who is looking to impress the prettiest Cowgirl in the crowd, or was pressured by their girlfriend/wife. That was the case when Dan’s wife, Puspa, wanted him to show how much he loved her through bull riding.

Everybody watches, half snickering, others held in shock and awe as Dan TIES himself to the wildebeest and gets ready for the ride of his life. They spring open the gate and the bull goes into Mike Tyson mode, wanting blood from the unnatural object on his back. You shake your head when you see a relatively healthy body get hurled, kicked, stomped and any other horrors that can be inflicted by a bull. “Serves him right, the damn fool” you hear from the crowd; and as Dan is carried off on a stretcher, Puspa goes for another beer and the rest of the crowd gets closer to the rail for the next cowboy. This one makes it to the 8 and jumps off in time and all yell “Yeeeee Haaaww!!!” then they pack a fresh batch of dip in the lip.

There’s something morbid about the human condition, it is shown in the Roman arena all the way up to NASCAR, people want to see crazy crashes/clashes. And Texas is proud to carry the torch between them.

Dan Simonis in the Studio

Working in a recording studio can prove taxing, and no one knows this better than Dan Simonis. "I would say the worst scenario was recording with Phil Spector. He literally kept us under lock and key, and was going on 4 days without sleep. This rendered him totally paranoiac, and we had to keep hiding his pistol for fear of death."

Yes, it can be adventurous in such surroundings, but Dan can weather such storms. His best recording session was in the mountains of Tennessee in a log cabin studio. the sound was naturally absorbed in the old oak wood that was used to build this Earthy structure. He still thinks fondly of those days and brought out some of his best songs. These days it is all state of the art, and can leave a lot to be desired. It is a cold cavernous feeling, and can feel more like a mausoleum, so Dan counters this with throwing some Persian carpets on the floor and burns incense. It does help and Dan gets into the moment.

Dan Simonis and The West Texas Cowgirls Roadside Stop

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From time to time Dan Simonis, while on the road, will stop and set up shop when he feels he has a hot spot for people to buy his album/coffee. He has done this on Highway 66, outside of Dallas, in Bakersfield and other places. So somewhere on our great American highways he set up his tent, put up his backdrop-- decorated Au Western frontier, and displayed his new Album and his Cowgirl coffee 1 pound packages. These were promoted by the famous Cowgirls themselves:

West Texas Jennifer

West Texas Ariel



West Texas Puspa



West Texas Jill

Sure enough, truckers by the dozen stopped to see just what was going on. Vacationers who had enough of bad motel coffee wanted the Cowgirl Coffee to revive and rejuvenate. And all were intrigued by Dan's new album, with all the bonus trinkets inside. Why, even Highway patrol stopped to have a free cup o' Joe and wished them well. Everything was selling like hotcakes from their tent:

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When all was said and done, Dan made plenty of bank. He folded up the tent, put the remaining product in leather bags, rolled up the backdrop and put it all in the trunk of the caddy. We last saw him driving over the mountain with the girls as the last rays of sunlight died out. Another successful day on the road with Dan Simonis and the West Texas Cowgirls:

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Humble Texas

There are many towns in America that have unique names. But Texas leads in the competition for the top 10. Theirs Fairview, followed in order by Midway, Oak Grove, Franklin and Riverside, Centerville, Mount Pleasant, Georgetown, Salem, and Greenwood. And Dan Simonis has played in every one of these town's bars. Being the struggling working artist, he has paid his dues on sometimes little to no patrons.
But being the working class hero, he stuck it out to become the artist he is today.

He talks about the war stories of being on the road, but one town stands out in his mind. That was Humble Texas. Its an all-American kind of town, and he took a liking to the small town flavor. He went as far as buying 40 acres and putting 30 heads of cattle on the grassy prairie. He finds Humble to be a lost heritage, a town that is the salt of the earth lost in the modern day. It was what inspired him to write "Back to Austin". He comments, "Humble is a place that is food for the soul, giving space for the heart to breathe."

And so we leave him in his restful state of mind, knowing that it is conducive for the artistic flow that musicians need. Humble Texas, a place you can kick up your boots and rest a spell.

West Texas Millionaires Steal the Stage...Literaly

Dan Simonis and the West Texas Millionaires have been on a highway robbery tour through Texas. They will slip into small clubs and tell the head bar tender that they are ready to set up and play, they got the go ahead of the owner and will split the door with the bartender. Well, what bartender could pass that up? So he lets them in, knowing the other band has their name already on the marquee, but an opening band that splits the money that the other would not sounds pretty good.

So Dan and the boys move like lightning getting set up, usually before happy hour begins. It is usually the busiest time 'cause there are drink specials, so a little for the door ain't so bad. The band goes through their set and they all start making toasts to get the crowd even more drunk.
They also have set up a donation jar in front of the stage for little Billy, a fictional character they dreamed up. You see, little Billy suffers from busy knees, a syndrome in which he can't help from bopping one or the other knee, up and down like an oil pumper, as fast as he can. It can get real annoying on a wood floor feeling it vibrate at 120 knee bops per minute.

When Dan knows the crowd is drunk enough, he tells this story and dedicates a song to little Billy, asking the people to just give what they can. Everybody in the house is skunk drunk and crying, pulling out wads of bills and filling the pickle jar plum full. The songs continue for just another 30 minutes and Dan plays the finale. The crowd roars, the band breaks down, happy hour is over at 6, everybody staggers home.

Then the real band arrives to an empty hall. "What the hell is goin' here!!" yells the band leader as the owner pulls in his Cadillac. "You know the terms, no crowd, no pay". When the band leader goes to the bar and asks why it's such a slow night, the bar tender replies, "Oh it ain't no slow night, these fellers called The West Texas Millionaires came through at happy hour and plum made bank for the night. Nice boys."

This scenario is starting to wear on his base fans, who can't figure out where he is playing next, since this formula pays twice as much and does not want to give his next destination away. Not only that, the other bands, of course, are sending out tracers to keep tabs on him, so Dan has to switch cars

Of course you know this means war.

Dan Simonis' biggest Fan

He was just going in to pay for gas (again) for the Caddy, he got a newspaper and went to the counter. Then it happened. He felt someone was watching him and when he looked over, sure enough, there she was. Their eyes locked, and she sheepishly smiled. "You don't know me, but I run the fan club for the West Texas Millionaires, I'm your biggest fan, have all your albums, been to every concert, and, well, you are the greatest.

"Why...thanks" he replied, trying not to be rude but had an appointment. "I saw you at those shows but was to shy to ask for an autograph. Would you please give me an autograph?" Dan started to sweat, but took the receipt from the cashier and gave her the autograph. "Oh thank you, thank you. Oh, can I take a picture of us together from my cell phone. It would really mean a lot." Dan started to squirm at the over 60 woman started to be clingy, but went ahead and asked the cashier to take the picture. "Now I really have to go" Dan told her. "Ok, I can't wait for your next show, I cry at some of your songs." she said starting to get misty. "I'll be looking for you!" Dan blurted on the way out the door. She held the receipt to her bosom and whispered, "What a cowboy, what a dear dear cowboy"...

Tall Texan Tales

Elmer didn't want to be tall, he was just born that way. In school the kids made fun of him, made him feel like some kind of freak. Girls avoided him like the plague, and few if any friends took the time to be kindly. So that left him with a lot of alone time which he spent writing poetry and reading the works of Edgar Allen Poe.

He was also an accomplished ballet dancer, and used his stature to perform the most amazing leaps and bounds. He gained the respect of Paul Taylor, who was a major contributor to the New York scene in the '50's and '60's.

But his real passion was for poking cattle on his Uvalde Texas ranch. He worked hard and loved every aspect of ranching. It was Elmer that gave Dan Simonis' dad a job back in the 1950's to support his wife and family. He made a short run in politics and had good report with Beauford H. Jester, governor of Texas, pictured with Elmer above. At the time, on Saturday nights, Dan's father would play guitar for dances that Elmer hosted. That is what got Dan interested in playing guitar himself, and by the age of 12 he was an accomplished six string strummer himself. In fact, it was Elmer that loaned him the money to get his first guitar, and he played it with all his heart.

Dan says he owes everything to Elmer for getting him started. "If it wasn't for Elmer, I don't think I would have bothered playing music" Dan states. And so it is, this tall Texan that helped our very own West Texas Millionaire, Dan Simonis, wax and wane the ballads that only a cowboy could master.

West Texas Millionaires Hit a Snag

Well, a road trip would not be a road trip without a CHALLENGE!! And so it was for the West Texas Millionaires when they were just outside of Raton, New Mexico, hometown to the Band "The Fireballs", who had a number one hit in 1963 with "Sugar Shack". The Caddy started making "noises", and the hitch on the bus needed to be re-welded. All the while Dave Rose was on the job taking pictures for a piece to be featured in National Geographic entitled, "Why We Love Cumulus Clouds." So they made it into town to get repairs and had a look over of the town.

Dan's bill came to a whopping 2000.00, due in part to getting parts for a '57 Cadillac in a town located in the middle of nowhere with overnight shipping, and that the owner of the garage felt he was a king since he had a master mechanic certificate hanging on the wall with candles burning like he was Mother Mary or something.

Dan was not going to have a swell time if he did not recoup some of that money. Lucky for him, located in Raton is The Philmont Scout Ranch, which is the largest youth camp in the world by size and number of participants. Just his luck they were going to have a weenie roast that evening with a record 2300 young boys attending. He called the camp director and made arrangements to play that night. Dan played earnestly for 2 hours, at times making those little scouts cry and beg for mommy. Afterwards he took a love offering and brought in 3,486.00. "Those dear little boys" Dan said to himself and 4 seconds later left Raton in his rear view mirror.

Dan Simonis and the West Texas Millionaires Hit the Trail

You know how you get itchy feet and cabin fever (even in the summer) if you stay in one place too long? Willie Nelson knows, and hits the road even before that nagging starts. So it is with the West Texas Millionaires, as they were seen saddling up and getting it ready to go:

Cowboy 1: Mike Page gets the chuck wagon dieseled up and was the first to hit the trail, with the cupboards packed full of salt pork, pinto beans and...beverages...
Cowboy 2: Robert Page, acting as scout, heads out on his horse Astraia (it's a Bavarian girl's name), and is making good time.
Cowboy 3: Dan Simonis and his sidekick Dave Rose took the Albino Clydesdale Cadillac, and was seen at the ATM to get enough feed for the hungry mammoth's long journey:



If that proves to not be enough money, Dan will have to resort to getting out his guitar and start playing for tips at the gas pump. All in all, they should work up the trails and make it to the 70th anniversary Sturgis Rally 2010 festivities. There they will TAKE PICTURES and share with us all the serene beauty of the iron horse.

You know what you oughta do...

Ever had one of those friends that had all the answers about what you ought to do, but their life is absolute chaos? Yeah, me too, and it is annoying to no end. You hold your tongue, but the urge to scream, "Would you please just shut UP!" is in your throat waiting to explode. But you're the better person, and it causes a deep pain in the center of your forehead.

Oh, they mean well, they're just wanting to give the helpful tip of the day; but really, they could use a good lobotomy and you have the ice pick ready to administer the dirty deed.

Breathe deep, relax, and if you concentrate hard enough, you can wish the best for that person. And with that I leave you with some useful advice: the next time they utter those six words, simply reply "Not listen to you".

Dan Simonis Purchases Roy Rogers Stuffed animals

Wild West kitsch took over Christie’s plush quarters at Rockefeller Center on Friday. Dan was there and plunked down $266,000 for Roy Rogers' stuffed horse, Trigger, as well as paying $35,000 for Rogers’ stuffed and mounted dog, Bullet. The proud owner stated that he has always wanted the animals for nice conversation piece in his living room. Congratulations Cowboy!

Dan Simonis' Distant Relatives

Everybody has those distant relatives that they want to keep that way...distant. And Dan has his share. Billie-Rae Otis and his clan live in West Virginia, where they like to play bluegrass and chew tobacco. The family seems to be making a name for themselves and that makes Dan nervous, because they drop his name every chance they get.

They are going on tour and just may be coming to Dan's town, and that means they drop in unexpected and stay awhile. Billie-Rae's wife Gurdie always takes her purse and empties it out just to meticulously arrange it back inside, achieving nothing but I guess it keeps her hands busy and her brain entertained. Billie -Rae's 3 daughters are real lookers and sing like larks. So enjoy a clip of their recent show, and if you see them, do Dan a favor and give him a heads up call to warn him, he would be much obliged.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xytrguQlH0

Zombie Fire Ants Found on Dan Simonis' Ranch

There is something wrong down at the Texas ranch of Dan Simonis. He went out to start his day and noticed the proverbial Texas Fire Ants were aimlessly walking on the hot sand. Usually, they are in scout mode finding food for the queen, but these guys were waltzing across his acres, totally oblivious.

The scene was disturbing, Dan wondered if his water table had gotten polluted, or if there were some chemical problem. Then he totally had a cow when he started seeing their heads falling off...yet still walking.

Two weeks went by and he kept seeing headless ants walking in circles. "What in Sam Hill is goin on?" Dan asked himself. He went to his next door neighbor to see if he had the same problem. Coming to the door was Rob Plowes, a research associate at UT. Dan related his story, while Rob just nodded and smiled, annoying Dan to no end.

After Dan had finished, Rob invited him to his barn, which acted as a home office/laboratory. There inside were tubes of tiny flies; Rob called them "phorid" flies. " He continued:

"The flies "dive-bombed" the fire ants and laid thier eggs.

The maggot eventually migrates into the ant's head; leaving the ant with no brain, then wanders aimlessly. This wandering stage goes on for about two weeks.

About a month after the egg is laid, the ant's head falls off and the fly emerges ready to attack any foraging ants away from the mound and lay eggs."

The hair on the back of Dan's head is now standing on end, and he carefully asked why Rob was doing this.

"It's a hobby" he replied. Dan's blood ran cold.

Like the scene from "The Shining", where Wendy finally got a look at what Jack had been writing about (all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy), Dan quietly thanked Rob for the explanation and walked as fast as he could to the pick-up, making like a bandit back to the safety of his ranch.

That's why in Texas, good barbed wire fences make good neighbors...maybe even razor wire...

Today's Tall Texas Tales

Texas has four seasons: drought, flood, blizzard, and twister. That old saying isn’t far from wrong. Because of its sheer size, Texas experiences all kinds of weather—sometimes all at once. Out in West Texas, the weather can be drier than the heart of a haystack and windier than a fifty-pound bag of whistling lips. A duststorm is dubbed “Panhandle rain.” Thunderclouds might bring some real rain—say, a real gully-washer toad-strangler. And, all over the state, it’s hot—darned hot. How hot, you ask? Hotter than a stolen tamale. Hotter than a honeymoon hotel. Hotter than a fur coat in Marfa.