Dan Simonis is Wired

At long last, Dan is preparing for an Album/CD release part set in August, and has already gotten responses to his promo from magazines like Wired. This magazine issue, due to be released in July, will have a nice interview with Dan as he covers his 15 plus years in the business as well as future artistic endeavors he is considering.

Fans got a taste of his new CD this weekend, as He performed for Eurovision via sattelite to Oslo, Norway. He came in next to last place, leaving that to Britain. Even though this was only meant for European Countries, he made up the country of Langtria and they let him in, because most of the other countries were in such financial dire straights to participate, it left the contest lacking in participants. Dan was not only happy to enter the contest, but was happy to do an interview for Wired Magazine.

More coming soon...

Scout Leader Dan Simonis

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Dan had to get out of the parent's house or he was going to lose his mind. He thought for about 2 hours for an escape. Then it dawned on him: the family tradition at this time of year was to join the Texas Scouts beginning at the end of the school year, or if old enough, be a Scout Leader.

Bingo! He remember his great-grandfather telling him what it was like back in the day. The above photo is the Scouts back in 1927, and since then every adult male was expected to do community service by taking on the duty of Scout Leader. Usually they went to Amistad National Recreation Area 300 miles from Langtry. A terrible long drive for 10 year olds in the heat of late May to mid June.

But this time, Dan has a different plan: loading up the bus and taking the scouts to the Texas/Oklahoma region to chase tornadoes! There is only a short window of time to catch these furious funnels and this is the meat of the season. The lads would bring different weather gauge instruments, provided by the Langtry weather station, and make a report to get credit for a half-year of science.

Yes, this will be nothing but fun, and he will be sure to take pictures, the kids will love it!

Postal Service Honors Dan

With the issuance of the “Cowboys of the Silver Screen” stamps, the U.S. Postal Service honors five extraordinary performers who helped make the American Western genre a popular form of entertainment. Film stars and musicians from the silent era through the modern era are featured on the stamps.

Though Dan has been new to the scene, the Postal Service could not neglect recognizing his contribution to keeping the spirit alive through his movie shorts and records, of which a new release is about to be released; celebrating the roots of American cowboy music, and how it brings America together.

"I am honored to have this stamp of my likeness circulating across America, to be included among my heroes that I studied and learned so much from. Thank you so much" Dan said with broken voice, showing his respect.

So go to your local Postal Service and proudly ask for a book of Dan Simonis stamps!

Dan’s dream

The family were about to finish dinner, Ma brought out her home made pecan pie and served it up. The family chatter was full of stories of what had transpired over the years Dan had been gone: who married, who divorced, who died, who was in jail and so forth.
It was good for Dan’s soul, and he was getting sleepy so he excused himself to go to bed, Ma said there were extra blankets and pillows in the attic if he needed.

When he entered his old room, it was like a museum. Everything was just as it had been when he was 15 years old. The Roy Rogers poster, the Buck Owens records on the old Silvertone record player. The wall paper of a cowboy on a buckin’ bronco, and the pattern sheets and pillow cases...all was the same as he left it.


He stretched out on the bed, with his feet going over the edge about a foot. He did’nt mind, it brought back good memories of growing up in the country, and he was broke down tired. He found himself going back in time, when he was in this same room, same Saturday Night, fantasizing about what wonderful adventures lay beyond that Texas horizon....slowing...falling...asleep...

It was April 30 1955, Saturday Night at the Louisiana Hayride, from the Gladewater, Texas, High School gym. The West Texas Millionaires were celebrating 10 years of performing their great western swing music, and touching on the new rockabilly scene. “Thank ya’ll for all your support over these 10 years,” said Dan. “We could not have come this far without your buying and loving our albums. We gotta big night ahead of us, with the Sagebrush Serenaders and a new guy to the scene that I don’t right off hand know his name, but we’ll get that sorted out soon enough. And now, a little ditty called ‘Hay loft Honey’. Take it Jim!” Jim on the steel guitar opens the famous waltz that got the band on the charts that December day in 1945.

The war was over and the boys were back home wanting to kick up their heels, drink some beer and get that cowgirl on the dance floor. Dan and the boys hit it at the prime time, and knew that they had the music and the window of opportunity to cash in. And they did. They put in 120, 000 miles on the road tour, claiming 32 dates in 28 states. They never got a gold record, but they all had nice houses and cars and fishin' boats; they even went in together to purchase a piper airplane when they needed it. They were comfortably satisfied.

“And that’s why you’re my Hayyyy Loft Honeyyyy....Thank you! Thank you!” Dan says as he closes out the song. He and the band finished out the set and introduced Billy Mack and the Sagebrush Serenaders, the music started up again.


Dan goes to the anniversary table set up just for the band and began signing autographs from young cowgirls dressed in their formal country dresses made for dancin' and kissed each one on the cheek, with his hand on their lower back...

Dan look well seasoned, in his mid-30's, wearing the Nudie suit he bought with the second royalty check for his number 1 recording of "Hay loft Honey" nine years ago. He still wore it with pride and looked very dignified. "A toast! To looking back at our hard work and success, and looking forward to seeing you 55 years from today. If I'm rightly thinkin, I believe after 65 years of working the honky tonks, you're entitled to a retirement!" Everyone in the dance hall laughed and cheered, and pulled back their mugs of beer.

It was getting late, Dan made his good-byes and was making his way out the door when the dying sound of the P.A. was making its introduction, "And now folks, we bring you a young man with a new take on this new thing called Rock-a-Billy...Elvis Presley!"

http://www.elvispresleymusic.com.au/video/popup/1955_april_29_cotton_club.html

http://www.elvispresleymusic.com.au/pictures/1955_april_30.html

Dan grunted and belched, thankful to be out of that High School gym to avoid all that rockabilly noise that just gets worse with the echo....

"Dan? wake up hon, breakfast is ready. I made your favorite!" Dan's mom said. He realized he had just had the most fantastic dream. He still had his clothes on, so he just did a quick bird bath in the sink and went to the kitchen. The smell of corn beef hash hit him in the face, and spied the brown chicken eggs brought from the back yard pen. He followed his instincts to a pot of chicory coffee and poured a big mug full. 65 years...that would make it...today!!!

Moving back with the Parents

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The IRS filed a Notice of Deficiency in U.S. Tax Court which resulted in liens placed against Dan's property which allowed them to then seize the property after the 30 day waiting period.

They sold his property for less than the market value, his yachts, his pick up truck, his life insurance...everything to pay off his debts to the federal government. The good news was that they are not permitted to take clothing, which in this case was his collection of Nudie western shirts, and his boots. And they let him keep the Cadillac, and he had previously hid his guitar at a friends house.

With all that was left in his life in the trunk of the Caddy, he parked in the desert outside of Langtry, Texas, laying on the hood staring up at the sky as the sun began to sink on the horizon. He was devastated. It's not so much that he lost all the stuff, the home he had recently redecorated, his toys such as the yacht, the oil rig in the ocean with penthouse, rights to his previous recorded albums, his two cats and dog...no, that was not the hardest part of all that had happened so far.

It was moving back home with Mom and Dad

"Is this how it comes down? After being my own man for over 35 years, to end back at square one?!" He yells, fist clinched at the sky. But at this juncture, it is his only option. His band mates had scattered abroad with girlfriends, mumbling something about wishing to take him in but....and on and on.

He is pulling himself together to make that last 2 1/2 mile drive down that dusty Texas back road to the folks. He pulls up to the old house that was his birth place. The doctor made it 40 minutes after the fact, to take the mothers blood pressure and present them a bill of 50 dollars.
So many memories, so many reasons to have left home that day long ago...only to return.

"Heidy hon, glad you're back. Now clean up for supper, I got chicken liver and onions ready, just the way you like em'" Mom said. "I never liked liver and onions" Dan said under his breath, and washed up anyway for a long night at the Langtry homestead.

SpaceShipTwo Update

In this photo released by Virgin Galactic showing the first captive-carry flight of VSS Enterprise or SpaceShipTwo over Mojave, California Monday March 22,2010. The center mounted spaceship is attached to the "mothership" WhiteKnightTwo for a series of flight tests prior to its first drop test later in the year.

Powered by a single rocket motor, the spaceship will be flown by a crew of two and carry six passengers on a Mach 3 thrill ride through the edge of the atmosphere for a brief zero-gravity experience and views of the Earth far below before gliding to a landing.

More than 300 people have made deposits on the $200,000 tickets. One of those people was Dan Simonis, who is first in line when it takes its first flight. Dan was on site Monday for the test flight, and had his staff of chefs cater for all involved: BBQ and all the fixings for enough that everyone could have seconds and thirds. "This is an exciting experience for Americans, and should be supported by those who love the private sector who have the spirit of capitalism that benefit rich and poor alike" Dan commented. He also offered that further tests could be conducted on his airfield that is located on his ranch in Texas, where a good jet stream exists in the atmosphere.

Possum Kingdom Pandemonium

Few people know of the well kept secret in Texas, known as...Possum Kingdom. It is notorious for having the largest catfish in the state. They hang out near the dam by a rock formation known as "Hells Gate", where it can rise 10 t0 15 degrees in the month of July as you enter its encloser. The water reaches 100 feet in depth and scuba divers have surfaced stammering with fear, describing catfish the size of Volkswagens.

It was on a spring morning that Dan was checking his trot line to see what might have taken the bait. He had wadded up some nice balls of blood bait, the stuff catfish love to ingest, and now the time to bring home the bounty had come. Little did he realize the horror that awaited him as he reached down to grab the line...

He only saw the shadow of the beast below the murky water, as it lunged up throwing Dan off balance. Then he felt a spongy grip take hold of his leg, sucking him into a cavity lined with sharp teeth. His left leg was being ingested by the whale-like catfish; and as he tried to fight it off, it proved useless, taking all of his strength just to hold on to the side of the boat.

It continued to gum away at his leg, regurgitating portions of the blood bait, making the lake a crimson macabre. He grabbed hold of the monsters whiskers and yanked hard, only to aggravate it to a frenzy. Dan was beginning to lose consciousness when a fellow fisherman was passing by. The man took his tazer that he used to stun fish so they would float to the top (an illegal act in most states), and shot it into the mammoth cat. Of course he did not figure in the fact that Dan would also sustain a portion of the voltage, leaving Dan confused and fearful of the man's intentions.

After realizing what he had done, the fisherman took a tire iron and finished the job of crushing the fishes head, also traumatizing Dan. This dislodged his leg though, and they dragged the fish to shore as proof of what happened:


People began to gather around the carcass as Dan and his life saving friend told the tale over and over. Dan was still experiencing shock, but over time regained his composer and was seen enjoying a meal at a local fish fry. The only injury was that the gastric juices from the fish had dissolved all of his leg hair and stained the flesh orange. Other than that, Dan had survived a most certain death.

And so another tale of Possum Kingdom killer catfish is added to the long history of one of the most hazardous lakes in Texas. Dan is just lucky to survive and share it with the rest of us.

West Texas Millionaire helps Truthers

Dan was feeling uneasy about hearing of the growing numbers of Truthers disappearing around America. The report went on to say that they were being taken by Government officials for "questioning" about the evidence and information that they possessed. Dan is not a proponent of the conspiracy theory, but supports the right of every American to express their first amendment right without hinderance.

Dan went to the streets and found a man holding a sign,

"Know the truth, 9-11 was an inside job" Dan asked him, "If in case you know the truth, does any family member know where you are right now? any friends? Have you made a plan if in case the govt. takes you in for "questioning"? The man looked concerned, knowing that another piece of the conspiracy puzzle had just been revealed!

And so Dan is on a campaign to educate Truthers to have a plan of action. The program is called "The Truth may NOT set you free". Dan began to educate the Truthers that they are vulnerable to the information they possess, and that they must be vigil to the inevitable. "Its not a question of if" Dan instructs, "It's a matter of WHEN".

And so the march goes on for the truthers, with the recent horror that there has been a missing persons report issued in Langtry Tx, referring to a homeless drug addict who was speaking the truths of 9/11. The only witness said that a black van pulled up and the driver simply asked, "Wanna take a ride?"

Musician to be First to Record in Space

West Texas Millionaire Dan Simonis has just confirmed a deal with Virgin Record owner Richard Branson to travel into suborbital space on the craft Space Ship One and be the first musician to record in space. Plans to make the flight are priced at US$200,000.
Simonis will be recording the song "Spaceship", which was on his first record. "I wanted to make history, and so thought it fitting to use this song" he replied. Part of the lyrics go:

I'll fly my spaceship
Go on a long trip
I'll fly my spaceship to the moon

Richard Branson has equipped the craft with studio equipment to conduct the recording. "I'm quite excited, not since 'Tubular Bells' have I had such a challenge".

The Art of Clarifying Your Point In Texas

One of Dan's Cousins is a Deputy Sheriff in Houston Texas. Here's how he clarifies things:

A lawyer runs a stop sign and is pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy is because he is a lawyer and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston , TX . He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.

The deputy says, 'License and registration, please.'

'What for?' says the lawyer...

The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'

Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'

'You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License and registration, please!'

The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'

'The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!' the Deputy repeats..

Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket... If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'

'That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, 'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?'

Any Questions?

Get Along Little Doggy

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Sometimes when your band is on tour for an extended period of time, the stress of the road starts wearing down on you and ends up in words not meaning to be said, resulting in feelings being hurt, and facial structures being altered. The West Texas Millionaires had been on the US tour for a year and eight months in 1989, had broken into the top 50 country charts, and the boys were each worth over 400 grand. Despite all this, they needed to let off some steam and relax, and Dan knew the exact refuge to escape too.

They were near Abilene Texas, where a relative of his named Earl Simonis had an interesting ranch which got out of the cattle business, due to the drop in beef prices, for a new product: herding foxhounds. Yep, it's a lucrative business, raising them from pups, running them across the range to learn the scents of the land, then sell them to customers mainly in Manassas Virginia to hunt.

Earl Simonis is a well known fox hound handling expert, who for many years has practiced and taught low stress methods for moving fox hounds on Texas Praries. The Earl Simonis methods of calm, slow movement of fox hounds on pastures can be defined as a stimulus-response relationship.

The day starts early, Dan and the boys finished up breakfast and saddled up, yelling and whistling to get the dogs started. They cover the east quarter of the 500 acre ranch till the dogs reach the first water tank for a brief break. Then its off to the north quarter, which can cause the dogs to stray and therein a cowboy has to round up those that got off the trail.

Lunch time, and Dan is wiping the sweat off his forehead, tired, dusty, and needing to refill his canteen to get the raw throat tender again. A bite of beef jerky and their off again. They are behind schedule, so the boys are going to have to push the fox hounds hard to make it to the west end of the ranch to bed down for the night. Whoopin and a hollerin they finally make it to the water tank and just in time too, the herd has spent their energy, and the boys dont want to lose too much weight off of the herd.

After the pack has been feed and watered, the boys then get their vittles cooking: fat back with pinto beans with salt water cornbread. As the sun starts to go down, Dan gets out his guitar, begins to sing his favorite trail song, and as he gets into the high range of the chorus, the whole herd of Fox hounds join in, howling in unison into the late hours of the night's full moon. It does'nt get any better than this.

Scariest Story Ever Told

One night a woman went out for drinks with her girlfriends. She left the bar fairly late at night, got in her car and onto the deserted highway. She noticed a lone pair of headlights in her rear-view mirror, approaching at a pace just slightly quicker than hers. As the car pulled up behind her she glanced and saw the turn signal on — the car was going to pass — when suddenly it swerved back behind her, pulled up dangerously close to her tailgate and the brights flashed.

Now she was getting nervous. The lights dimmed for a moment and then the brights came back on and the car behind her surged forward. The frightened woman struggled to keep her eyes on the road and fought the urge to look at the car behind her. Finally, her exit approached but the car continued to follow, flashing the brights periodically.

Through every stoplight and turn, it followed her until she pulled into her driveway. She figured her only hope was to make a mad dash into the house and call the police. As she flew from the car, so did the driver of the car behind her — and he screamed, "Lock the door and call the police! Call 911!"

When the police arrived the horrible truth was finally revealed to the woman. The man in the car had been trying to save her. As he pulled up behind her and his headlights illuminated her car, he saw the silhouette of a man with a butcher knife rising up from the back seat to stab her, so he flashed his brights and the figure crouched back down. That hero was Dan Simonis. The killer was the ghost of Elvis. Go figure...

Moral of the story: always have a designated driver.
Happy Halloween!

A Nudie creation by Jaime for Dan Simonis

Dan was in Los Angeles checking on the final mixing at Lurssen Mastering Labs, and since he was already in the neighborhood, he decided to pay a visit Jaime, who came to Los Angeles in 1974, to become the shirt and pants maker at Nudie’s Rodeo Tailors. When Manuel Cuevas opened his own studio, Jaime made the move and became Manuel’s head tailor for 16 years.
Choosing to stay behind in California with his family, while Manuel moved his studio to Nashville in the early nineties, Jaime opened his own studio and created his signature label in 1994.
So Dan gave Jaime the specifications of what he wanted, some curvy musical staffs going across his chest and other items that would make it signature Dan. He tried it on and it was like a second skin, and he thanked Jaime profusely and paid in full.

West Texas Millionaire Dan Simonis considers offer from California Cryobank

A California fertility company whose anonymous sperm donors bear uncanny resemblances to the prince, the swim god and other men of note has extended an offer to Dan Simonis of the West Texas Millionaires an undisclosed amount of money for him to be a donor to their Look-A-Like service.

"It's very tempting, and is an amount that equals a years wage" Dan commented.

California Cryobank's Donor Look-A-Likes service offers would-be parents the chance to search for prospective donors based on which famous face the sperm donor most closely resembles.

The names most frequently searched for on the Web site, Browne said, include actors Paul Walker, Ben Affleck and Scott Caan, and jocks Luke Walton, Jeremy Shockey and Brett Favre.

The company has recently become interested in Dan Simonis, after he and the band were out on tour and the interest Dan generated among the fans. "He is a study in what the classic cowboys like John Wayne and other greats had in the days of early movies. We knew we had to get that look that is rarely seen these days at other DNA match up centers."

California Cryobank is set to be fully operational within two months at a Park Ave. space, where potential sperm donors can go through a rigorous health and history screening process before finding out which celebrity they most closely resemble.

"I'm looking forward to working with them, they stated that there is the potential of needing up to 20 donations per week. I'll try my best to keep up to that goal, I know it's going to take alot out me, but I'm a trooper, I'm doing it to keep Americana alive and well"

It will also be interesting to see "copies" of Dan running around playgrounds all across America and Canada, all happy and yodelling....

West Texas Millionaires Forced to Liquidate Cattle for cd/tour

It was hard for Dan to liquidate his long time family run cattle business by half, due to the cost of his upcoming cd/tour. "I still have the costs of running it by the mixing crew in L.A. along with the art work and the expenses of my tour schedule and band members, not to mention the outrageous fees my public relations person, Gary LaForge, is scalping me for..."
But it had to be done, the cash market for live cattle was slightly higher when comparing the July price from Worthing to the June price from the Dan Simonis' Stockyards. The cash price tables now include an average price for slaughter steers and cull cows from the Dan Simonis Regional Livestock auction in Langtry. Quotes for culls graded premium white have been sporadic. The weekly stocker cattle prices were seasonally volatile during July and early August on thin trading volume.
So off to slaughter they go before the price falls again, Gary is keeping an eye on the situation to make sure all goes flawlessly in the auction pit, keeping a key ear to the auctioneer so that Simonis gets the highest bid. This process can take up to 12 hours of watching, but Gary is the man for the job.