Possum Kingdom Pandemonium

Few people know of the well kept secret in Texas, known as...Possum Kingdom. It is notorious for having the largest catfish in the state. They hang out near the dam by a rock formation known as "Hells Gate", where it can rise 10 t0 15 degrees in the month of July as you enter its encloser. The water reaches 100 feet in depth and scuba divers have surfaced stammering with fear, describing catfish the size of Volkswagens.

It was on a spring morning that Dan was checking his trot line to see what might have taken the bait. He had wadded up some nice balls of blood bait, the stuff catfish love to ingest, and now the time to bring home the bounty had come. Little did he realize the horror that awaited him as he reached down to grab the line...

He only saw the shadow of the beast below the murky water, as it lunged up throwing Dan off balance. Then he felt a spongy grip take hold of his leg, sucking him into a cavity lined with sharp teeth. His left leg was being ingested by the whale-like catfish; and as he tried to fight it off, it proved useless, taking all of his strength just to hold on to the side of the boat.

It continued to gum away at his leg, regurgitating portions of the blood bait, making the lake a crimson macabre. He grabbed hold of the monsters whiskers and yanked hard, only to aggravate it to a frenzy. Dan was beginning to lose consciousness when a fellow fisherman was passing by. The man took his tazer that he used to stun fish so they would float to the top (an illegal act in most states), and shot it into the mammoth cat. Of course he did not figure in the fact that Dan would also sustain a portion of the voltage, leaving Dan confused and fearful of the man's intentions.

After realizing what he had done, the fisherman took a tire iron and finished the job of crushing the fishes head, also traumatizing Dan. This dislodged his leg though, and they dragged the fish to shore as proof of what happened:


People began to gather around the carcass as Dan and his life saving friend told the tale over and over. Dan was still experiencing shock, but over time regained his composer and was seen enjoying a meal at a local fish fry. The only injury was that the gastric juices from the fish had dissolved all of his leg hair and stained the flesh orange. Other than that, Dan had survived a most certain death.

And so another tale of Possum Kingdom killer catfish is added to the long history of one of the most hazardous lakes in Texas. Dan is just lucky to survive and share it with the rest of us.

Paris Texas Spring Fashion Show

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Dan has been working hard on pulling together the final alterations for his models to present his spring fashions for the Paris Texas Spring Fashion Show. The catwalk is awaiting his first creations to glide down; and as a fashion designer, he continues to expand his horizons as an artist.

This Country Couturier brings in the generic fabrics of silk, cotton and lace while staying true to his roots: The silky overalls look ($350):

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...And the proverbial boot cut working man's worn jeans (shirt $250; jeans $300):

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Dan reflects, "You know, a lot of my lady fans talk to me after the concert and they comment on my collection of Nudie shirts, and wish that there was something for them...to look nice when they go out on the town.
Well, I thought I would take the opportunity to give back to my dedicated lady fans. And after the Paris Texas premier, we are looking at putting this collection on the market."

The West Texas Millionaires Brand are not just for the Country night life, but sets the pace while strolling through the Galleria in North Dallas! And when asked, "Who are you wearing?" you can drawl, "Simonis".

WITH A GREAT LOOK AND SUPER FRIENDLY PRICES ( MOST SHOES ARE AROUND $150 RETAIL) THIS COLLECTION IS SURE TO BE A SUCCESS!...

Interpretive Line dancing

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You will often find interpretive dance performances in spiritual settings. This type of dancing has been used throughout history as a form of worship. Interpretive dancing can express all sorts of emotions that relate to spirituality, joy, love, or even fear.

It is with this in mind that Dan is on a campaign to bring this into his Western/Americana genre, and the result is interpretive line dancing. Imagine hearing the soulful sounds of “West Texas Town” as beautiful people who love country perform this.

Dan had a very positive reaction this last weekend at a ranch outside of San Marcos playing to a test crowd. They were given the basics, and then something very spiritually profound happened. As they allowed themselves to let go fully to the line dance, they became one with Mother Earth, expressing their inner soul through the dance.

He wasn't even finished with the second song that the crowd had fully succumbed to their spirits, and all came to a feverish pitch, "Heart on fire" was playing loud, and someone busted the main pipe on the ranch tank. They all splashed in the mud as the line dance continued, each note from Dan's guitar raised arms and caused bodies to gyrate.

Dan was convinced that he had tapped into a very powerful force, and interpretive line dancing will be the hit at all the boot scooting dance floors in Texas this summer.

Western Haiku

Dan is now experimenting with Western minimalism, to be the first in Country music to create minutia out of the obvious. This demands great discipline of the art of Haiku, and he is dedicating the next year to this endeavor. Here is just a taste of this new art form:

Country Haiku:

Go Bar Hopping

Springtime cattle tilting

Relative paying bail

Building a wall

We here at the WTM offices located in north Dallas, are concerned with the safety and well being of Dan Simonis. He is not returning calls nor responding to emails at a time when it is most urgent to communicate before the release of his latest album. We have had much experience with previous artists who go into a panic when they get to the "altar" of a new release, followed by a massive tour; the endless interviews with late night shows; performances for MTV, VH1, Hannah Montana.....scratch that...and the jet lag that hangs over it all. That is when some musicians will retreat and build a wall to push this reality back by any means. They hide in their villas, go to their secret get away spots, or hop-scotch from hotel to hotel in the big cities till they finally get cornered.
If you are reading this Dan, we mean no harm to you, we only want the best for you, and need to talk to you. The last time we talked you seemed incoherent and mumbled something about "...the cinder blocks of hell will protect me from those corporate bastards who only want to steal my image and songs...never!!"
We understand, we have hired the best lawyers in New York and L.A.; you need to exercise a little trust now Dan...you have our numbers, you can reach us at any time, and you really need to get your prescription refilled as soon as possible. You have our support and the fans all over the United States and the world who reads this blog and supports your dream.
Dan, we all love you, now come back home and start that dream you have been working so hard on.

P.S. For you fans that would like to leave a comment in support of Dan, simply click on the comment key below. We thank you for your support of Dan, let him know it too.

Mother Trucker

Dan is fit to be tied. He has recently purchased his life's longtime dream, the Cadillac of Cadillacs, a primo package on 18 wheels, just in time to take his recent album release on the road! This brand new International is lubed and ready to go, and Dan has his list of towns he is going to tour, and all for a mere 40,000 dollars! How many bombs can that buy?! Higgeldy Diggeldy!

West Texas Millionaire helps Truthers

Dan was feeling uneasy about hearing of the growing numbers of Truthers disappearing around America. The report went on to say that they were being taken by Government officials for "questioning" about the evidence and information that they possessed. Dan is not a proponent of the conspiracy theory, but supports the right of every American to express their first amendment right without hinderance.

Dan went to the streets and found a man holding a sign,

"Know the truth, 9-11 was an inside job" Dan asked him, "If in case you know the truth, does any family member know where you are right now? any friends? Have you made a plan if in case the govt. takes you in for "questioning"? The man looked concerned, knowing that another piece of the conspiracy puzzle had just been revealed!

And so Dan is on a campaign to educate Truthers to have a plan of action. The program is called "The Truth may NOT set you free". Dan began to educate the Truthers that they are vulnerable to the information they possess, and that they must be vigil to the inevitable. "Its not a question of if" Dan instructs, "It's a matter of WHEN".

And so the march goes on for the truthers, with the recent horror that there has been a missing persons report issued in Langtry Tx, referring to a homeless drug addict who was speaking the truths of 9/11. The only witness said that a black van pulled up and the driver simply asked, "Wanna take a ride?"

Texas Rangers Question Dan Simonis

Dan Simonis was brought in for questioning today by Texas Ranger Keith Guffy in an investigation that is taking place regarding a string of robberies in sector K of west Texas, which includes El Paso, Presco, and Hatspen counties. locations included Cattleman’s National Bank, El Paso National Bank and a circle k store, which the latter was witnessed by Blanch Edwards.

She described the get away car as a 56/57 white Cadillac. They tried to set up a dragnet in El Paso, but was unsuccessful. This brought the Rangers to Arizona territory to question Dan Simonis about his whereabouts on Monday. He stated that he was in Bisbee, and had not left his house. After several hours of interrogation, Rangers were satisfied with Dan's testimony but stated that he could be questioned further. Bisbee authorities were also notified about the ongoing investigation and that Mr. Simonis could not leave Cochise county until further notice. They took his fingerprints and mug shot for the record:

Food not Bombs aide West Texas Millionaires

The West Texas Millionaires would like to thank the Food not Bombs Organization for following our blog, listening to our music, and for being fans . We especially want to say thanks for the help in promoting us in the Bisbee Arizona area which resulted in a flood of donations to help in the recording in space project. There is just one correction and that is that the cost is not $200,000 total it is $200,000 per band member, so keep those donations coming!

Rock Fore Rehab

On Jan. 31 it’s Rock Fore Rehab at Turquoise Valley, a benefit for the Verhelst House, all afternoon long. Last year’s event was packed, as they had some fantastic entertainment. Expect no less this year! For 40 years the Verhelst House has helped men from a wide geographic area face their problems, learn useful trades, get back on their feet and become productive members of society. Not exempt from today’s tough times, the Verhelst House relies heavily on this endeavor to survive each year.
Dan has been working hard to get things ready, and is going to be taking the stage along with others. He does it for many reasons, but one is remembering that he was also once on hard times, totally broke from gambling at the Sands casino. Had it not been for someone to get him out of that jam, he would probably still be in Vegas, staying in Vegas.
So all of you who can make it, come on out; and if you wish to donate to the cause, go to their website: http://verhelstrecoveryhouse.org/Events.aspx

Ice fishing in Texas

Usually, ice fishing is taken up by skilled fishermen, those who have already mastered fishing during summer period. Many have noticed how people move from one place to another place on frozen water reservoirs. They identify a place and sit for hours together motionless. Ice fishing fascinates and attracts. It is some kind of a narcotic. Many can express that it is awfully uninteresting to sit motionless in winters on a frozen reservoir and wait for much-awaited catch. But not Dan, for him it is the first step to the studio, and it gives him the most creative work of the year.

He was on his Texas ranch in Marfa, at one of the tanks used for watering his 237 head of cattle. The tank was totally frozen over. He cut his hole in the ice, set up his chair and electric coffee maker, baited his hook, and commenced to sit and think. An hour passed and the first of many melodies started to pass through his mind.

Then it happened.

His fishing rod was slowly bending and Dan was thinking, “Awesome, this should be a big walleye.” He slowly picked up the rod, which thankfully had 6-pound test line on it, and set the hook.

The fish made several lunges toward the bottom. He finally got it to the hole and saw the white belly. He was thinking state record, until the next time it swam by the hole and saw the whiskers. It was a huge catfish, perhaps 16 to 20 pounds. He slowly worked the line in and the great moment to bring the fish topside came. But there was a problem, a tiny problem.

There's a saying that if you don't think big, you won't get big. And in this case, it was the hole that Dan had cut, the usual 10 inch in diameter. It was like a bad cartoon, every time Dan pulled on the line, the catfish's head compressed against the ice, giving this mocking, shocked look on its face, then plunging back down. "This can't be happening" Dan said over and over, but it was happening. After 4 attempts of pulling the great cat up to the surface, the ultimate happened. Dan's line broke and he pulled up only a memory. He sat back down, put the pole down, and for the next 2 and a half hours, he pondered the pain man must suffer in life.

The Saddest Country Song Ever Written

A report recently published by The Council of Country Music Analysis states that Dan Simonis has written the saddest country song ever. The Council conducted a double blind test (?) to a panel of country lovers and monitored the results. Test results ranged from sullen expressions to outright blubbering at the top of their lungs.

This ousts "He Stopped Loving Her Today" by George Jones, who called Dan to congratulate him. We cannot go into details about the lyrics or Mp3 recordings of the song, until it is judged safe enough for the public, according to the American Psychiatric Association. We as well congratulate Dan for making history yet again.

West Texas Millionaire pays Homage

Dan turned off of hwy 90 that follows the shore of the gulf to get something to eat in downtown Biloxi Mississippi. It was bitter cold, just above freezing this Friday afternoon, he was almost thinking about blowing off the whole deal and turn in to go to bed at Biloxi Hotel Bookings. But no, getting seated at Rena's Deli, he ordered lunch and reconnected to why he was down here in the first place. To go the the birthplace of Elvis in Tupelo, since today was Elvis' birthday, and Dan had driven all the way in his unheated 56 cadillac.
The waitress asked if he was going to the house, knowing the answer since most every unknown face that came in was there for the same reason. "How did you know?" Dan asked; "Just got that metaphysical thang" she replied. "You wanted sugar tea?", "Yes". Dan then started thinking of the first Elvis song he got hooked on. Hound Dog? no; Jailhouse Rock? No. He kept thinking....yes, it was "Don't be cruel". He spent long hours trying to learn that on his first guitar, getting it down finally at the end of the summer of 74.
He paid his tab and spent the next 4 hours getting to Tupelo, and every 10 miles dropped another 2 degrees. 21 degrees and closing in on sunset, he approaches the porch, with guitar in hand, and simply stands and stares. What a small house, what a humble beginning. He picks silently some of the ballads of Elvis, as though he was lulling the baby king to sleep. Hours went by, darkness set in, and the local police were beginning to circle the block ready to proceed.
Dan finished his homage, took his guitar back to the car, shivering from the global warming, and started the engine. The day had come and gone, but the memory will burn on forever...

Musician to be First to Record in Space

West Texas Millionaire Dan Simonis has just confirmed a deal with Virgin Record owner Richard Branson to travel into suborbital space on the craft Space Ship One and be the first musician to record in space. Plans to make the flight are priced at US$200,000.
Simonis will be recording the song "Spaceship", which was on his first record. "I wanted to make history, and so thought it fitting to use this song" he replied. Part of the lyrics go:

I'll fly my spaceship
Go on a long trip
I'll fly my spaceship to the moon

Richard Branson has equipped the craft with studio equipment to conduct the recording. "I'm quite excited, not since 'Tubular Bells' have I had such a challenge".

Vinyl Dan

The test begins, starting by Dan nurturing the cleaning process of the album with cleaner and swab. Then he meticoulusly takes the arm and cleans the needle from any foreign substance of dust. He drops the needle and begins to close his eyes as Fleetwood Mac fills the room via a 1976 Marantz amplifier. "Yes....can you hear it? That warm sound of vinyl. You don't get that from mp3" He then switches over to his mp3 of techno jam, and he points out how bright and empty it sounds.
He continues, "In the early days of recording, most recording studios used big monitor speakers almost exclusively. Unfortunately, they also required high powered amplifiers and expensive acoustic treatment (often poorly done) of the entire control room. Still, a well-constructed big monitoring system really was impressive to listen to, a fact not overlooked by the studio owners who wanted to impress the record company executives who paid for the big studio's time. These big systems had big level control knobs, and clients enjoyed "cranking-up" the volume.
Fortunately, recording engineers and producers eventually learned that this was not the best way to accurately mix music because it wasn't the way people listened to their radios, cassettes and CD players (metal heads excepted). Also, big monitor systems and the costs for the required control room acoustic treatments were going through the roof (no pun intended), particularly beyond the budget limits of smaller project and home studios which were growing in numbers. A new way of accurate monitoring was needed: near-field monitoring."

Spoken like a gentleman, Dan. Well, he continued to admire his P.A. system and turned up the volume, grinning like a kid at Christmas, with the windows vibrating precariously. Yes, Dan was in hog heaven, reliving a forgotten art of stereo equipment manipulation. When I left him, he had a Johnny Cash album cued and ready to go. Rock on D.J. Dan, rock on...

The Art of Clarifying Your Point In Texas

One of Dan's Cousins is a Deputy Sheriff in Houston Texas. Here's how he clarifies things:

A lawyer runs a stop sign and is pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy is because he is a lawyer and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston , TX . He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.

The deputy says, 'License and registration, please.'

'What for?' says the lawyer...

The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'

Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'

'You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License and registration, please!'

The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'

'The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!' the Deputy repeats..

Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket... If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'

'That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, 'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?'

Any Questions?

Dan goes a huntin

With his shotgun in hand, Dan works his way on the bank of the Red River. He was checking into some business in Vernon, Texas and had a break to do some hunting. Quail is good fare in these parts, and he was going to get his share. It was 24 degrees, the sun was almost coming up. In the clearing he spotted about 20 quail. Quietly he raised his gun, exhaled, and pulled the trigger. A complete miss, he cursed and started walking again. He had taken a canoe down this Red River, going down 30 of the 1,360 miles it covers. It was quite a trip, but today he enjoyed the walk.

This time he spotted a mallard, crouched down made his aim and shot. He shot and dropped the bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.As Dan climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked Dan what he was doing.

Dan responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and your not coming over here." Dan was getting upset and replied. "If you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything that you own.

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in these parts. We settle small disagreements like this, with the Three Kick Rule."

The Dan asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?" The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth until someone gives up." Dan quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly gets down from the tractor and walked up to Dan. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into Dan's groin, which dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly ripped the nose off his face.

Dan was flat on his belly, when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly causing him to give up, but didn't. Dan summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up, You can keep the duck!"

The Nightmare

37 black! 37 black! ahhh noooo! THIRTY SEVEN BLACK!!!

Dan bolts straight up in bed, covered in sweat, shaking uncontrollably. "The dream again?" asked Puspa. "Wha? uh oh yeah, the dream...again" Dan answered. It happened again over the Thanksgiving weekend, as it always has happened over 15 years now. He can't seem to shake it because he is still living with black 37 to this day.

Dan and the boys were at their top top, where bands only visit once, maybe twice in their career. They had been playing the Sands in Las Vegas, getting top billing with David Lee Roth. They had an ongoing gig for the next 6 months, and they were filling every fantasy with each payday check. When they were not playing, Dan would go to the slot machines, not wanting to get into an addiction with gambling, and play a few innocent rounds of the one armed bandit.

He would quit when his pocket of quarters ran empty, that was his rule, and not play again until next payday. The other guys dove all the way in, playing the roulette wheel, black Jack and straight up poker. Some of them were getting rather lucky, pulling in 4 to 5 g's a week. It could have been a set up, making sure the house band was happy. Either way, it started to affect Dan, seeing that he was the headliner, and his back up band were getting an extra stipen through gambling. So one day Dan moved up to the roulette wheel. 4 hours later, Dan walked away with 6,940 dollars.

Time goes on, they had completed their 6 month contract and they wanted one last night of gambling. Dan had wins and losses, as well as the other band members. David Lee Roth warned Dan that he should check himself, that he could get burned. Dan just laughed and bought David a toupee. Back at the table, Dan set up for a long night, as well as the band. They had made a bet amongst themselves, whoever won the most that night won 5,000 from the others. Dan was doing well, but the poker table was buzzing about the amount the band members were putting up on bids. Things were getting frantic, high wins and some devastating losses. That only spurred them on, which makes for rash decisions.

Then it happened, almost too coincidental, all at once. 3 band members went bankrupt on blackjack, the drummer busted on Texas Hold 'em, and Dan was signing over the Cadillac to play 37 black on the roulette table. 37, his age, that he thought was lucky. Fact is, it was his greatest year to be alive. He had everything...everything until that last spin of the wheel. "37 black, 37 black, common 37 black" repeated Dan. The rest of the band began to accumulate around him, totally broke, and watched the wheel. They did not know how bad he was losing, they did not want to let it be known that they were flat broke. 37 black! 37 black! 37 blaaaaaachhkk...

Now sobbing, Dan simply kept repeating "37 black". A complete breakdown. How did it get this far? How did he lose control? He knew what he had to do, and he hated thinking about doing it, but it had to be done. Dan called Colonel Bret Austin, told him the whole story, and the Colonel was on his jet the next morning. The good Colonel bought back the Cadillac, had his accountant tally the damages, and discovered that none of the West Texas Millionaires had filed taxes on the monies earned over the past 6 months of playing the Sands. That totaled 1.6 million dollars altogether.

The Colonel penned an agreement that is still binding today. He absorbed the cost, on the condition that they work off their debt by releasing 6 albums over 20 years, including a rigorous tour schedule, no gambling for the duration, undertaking breathalyzer tests during shows and every day they must make time to listen to one hour of Rush Limbaugh.

Dan is still reeling from the night mare, but had to get up and start his day. He makes a latte to go, slobs some peanut butter on toast and out the door he goes. The Cadillac starts up with a purr, and as we see that beautiful white Cadillac go out of the driveway, you can faintly hear the car radio crackle with the voice of Rush Limbaugh preaching the morals of a good American...

Texas Radio

It finally happened, West Texas Millionaires now have their own radio show, and it is very exciting to have this avenue on the internet, as we have yet another way of entertaining your senses through the ear canal. Not since Dan broadcasted over the cb airwaves back in the late 70's to traveling truck drivers has he had this great opportunity to share his music to the masses.

We are going to prepare our next program so that everyone has an opportunity to call in and ask Dan some questions about his upcoming album/cd, and to inquire into his other interests, like going to the Bonneville salt flats, and his interest in Nudie western ware.

So keep checking our blog for the next show, slated for Saturday at 12 noon Arizona time, which will make it 8pm in Europe, so you can enjoy the show before bedtime. We really appreciate your support in reading our blogs and that you have an interest in Americana/Western music that made such an impact on American culture.

Get Along Little Doggy

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Sometimes when your band is on tour for an extended period of time, the stress of the road starts wearing down on you and ends up in words not meaning to be said, resulting in feelings being hurt, and facial structures being altered. The West Texas Millionaires had been on the US tour for a year and eight months in 1989, had broken into the top 50 country charts, and the boys were each worth over 400 grand. Despite all this, they needed to let off some steam and relax, and Dan knew the exact refuge to escape too.

They were near Abilene Texas, where a relative of his named Earl Simonis had an interesting ranch which got out of the cattle business, due to the drop in beef prices, for a new product: herding foxhounds. Yep, it's a lucrative business, raising them from pups, running them across the range to learn the scents of the land, then sell them to customers mainly in Manassas Virginia to hunt.

Earl Simonis is a well known fox hound handling expert, who for many years has practiced and taught low stress methods for moving fox hounds on Texas Praries. The Earl Simonis methods of calm, slow movement of fox hounds on pastures can be defined as a stimulus-response relationship.

The day starts early, Dan and the boys finished up breakfast and saddled up, yelling and whistling to get the dogs started. They cover the east quarter of the 500 acre ranch till the dogs reach the first water tank for a brief break. Then its off to the north quarter, which can cause the dogs to stray and therein a cowboy has to round up those that got off the trail.

Lunch time, and Dan is wiping the sweat off his forehead, tired, dusty, and needing to refill his canteen to get the raw throat tender again. A bite of beef jerky and their off again. They are behind schedule, so the boys are going to have to push the fox hounds hard to make it to the west end of the ranch to bed down for the night. Whoopin and a hollerin they finally make it to the water tank and just in time too, the herd has spent their energy, and the boys dont want to lose too much weight off of the herd.

After the pack has been feed and watered, the boys then get their vittles cooking: fat back with pinto beans with salt water cornbread. As the sun starts to go down, Dan gets out his guitar, begins to sing his favorite trail song, and as he gets into the high range of the chorus, the whole herd of Fox hounds join in, howling in unison into the late hours of the night's full moon. It does'nt get any better than this.