Scariest Story Ever Told

One night a woman went out for drinks with her girlfriends. She left the bar fairly late at night, got in her car and onto the deserted highway. She noticed a lone pair of headlights in her rear-view mirror, approaching at a pace just slightly quicker than hers. As the car pulled up behind her she glanced and saw the turn signal on — the car was going to pass — when suddenly it swerved back behind her, pulled up dangerously close to her tailgate and the brights flashed.

Now she was getting nervous. The lights dimmed for a moment and then the brights came back on and the car behind her surged forward. The frightened woman struggled to keep her eyes on the road and fought the urge to look at the car behind her. Finally, her exit approached but the car continued to follow, flashing the brights periodically.

Through every stoplight and turn, it followed her until she pulled into her driveway. She figured her only hope was to make a mad dash into the house and call the police. As she flew from the car, so did the driver of the car behind her — and he screamed, "Lock the door and call the police! Call 911!"

When the police arrived the horrible truth was finally revealed to the woman. The man in the car had been trying to save her. As he pulled up behind her and his headlights illuminated her car, he saw the silhouette of a man with a butcher knife rising up from the back seat to stab her, so he flashed his brights and the figure crouched back down. That hero was Dan Simonis. The killer was the ghost of Elvis. Go figure...

Moral of the story: always have a designated driver.
Happy Halloween!

The Story Continues: Enter Colonel Bret Austin

So far, we have seen Dan's history, starting from ol' grandad's sandbar paradise, to his first gig in Midland Texas. Now we see what started his next phase that propelled him to the stars. Enter Colonel Bret Austin. Who is this man dressed in white? Who was this man that gave the Millionaires their big break? "Colonel" was a moniker given to him because he knew how to commandeer a car lot, driving his salesmen harder and harder every day. This was very impressive for such a young man who was a veteran. He would start the new recruits at his Bonneville Bootcamp, where they had to prove themselves by selling more Pontiac Bonnevilles than the other "motor maggots". Oh he was cruel, making them dress full kilt in business suits, requiring them to have a full set of 6 suits for the workweek.

Fights would break out, jealousy was abound in the competition, but in the end, 2 of the 10 candidates would emerge ahead of the pack to acend to the Cadillac department in Del Rio, Texas, next to the infamous Laughlin Air Force Base. At a dance at the American Legion in Del Rio, Bret saw Dan for the first time. He was impressed with Dan's band, now numbering 4. The band was tight and they kept a suave' image. Dan had the band going as he went through the song list, and at the end of the third set, Bret approached him.

He offered Dan a deal to record his songs, promote the album through connections in radio, and a tour that would secure the investment to render a profit that would satisfy both parties. Residuals would be determined upon the initial responses. He had big ties in the tiny town of Del Rio due to the Air Force Base. Entertainers would perform at Laughlin and buy his Cadillacs at a better price than Los Angeles or New York. Now he could double down on this business relationship to promote a band. The Nevada elite loved him, praised him for his Cadillacs.

However, locals had their opinions of Bret:

He’s on a first-name basis with the bottom of the deck.
There are a lot of nooses in his family tree.
So crooked that if he swallowed a nail he’d spit up a corkscrew.
So crooked you can’t tell from his tracks if he’s coming or going.
He knows more ways to take your money than a roomful of lawyers.
Crooked as a dog’s hind leg.
Crooked as the Brazos.
Slicker than a slop jar.
More twists than a pretzel factory.
Crooked as a barrel of fish hooks.
So crooked he has to unscrew his britches at night.

Dan didn't care, didn't listen to the naysayers, he grabbed the pen and signed the contract. The best part of the deal was that he was going to get a brand new 1986 Cadillac! So Dan and the band went into the studio and cut the first album, got interviews with tv and radio, ran a 12 month tour across the US and filmed a short for a private movie production firm owned partially by Bret of their live performances. They put more miles on that Caddy, with a trailor for equipment on back, than they could imagine.

But Dan could not feel more alive than at this time. The band also felt the same, getting out of Langtry/Del Rio was a major step forward. Yep the world was theirs:

The Singing Cowboy

Around the campfire, the original cowboys sang of life on the trail with all the challengers, hardships and dangers encountered while pushing cattle for miles up the trails that headed north. The earliest collections of cowboy songs are credited to Nathan Howard Thorp, whose Songs of the Cowboy in 1908 is reckoned to be the first, and John Avery Lomax, whose 1910 collection, Cowboy Songs and Other Frontier Ballads, collected for the first time many songs that are now among the best known of the genre.
One of those popular songs was “The Strawberry Roan” here sung by Marty Robbins:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3BkHtlSYR4

Much of what is included in the genre of "cowboy music" is "traditional", and by the 1930's things got fancy-like with a number of songs have been written and made famous by groups like the Sons of the Pioneers and Riders in the Sky and individual performers such as Gene Autry, Roy Rogers, Michael Martin Murphy and other "singing cowboys." Singing in the wrangler style, these entertainers have served to preserve the cowboy as a unique American hero through their movies.

Where’s the Singing Cowboy today? Oh, there a few, like Kim O’Conner out of Fort Worth, Andy Hersey, and...our own Dan Simonis. Back before he got all Cadillac fancy he was a die hard Singing Cowboy, and all the money and cars and the gambling habits did not yet have their way with him. Songs like “Long Way Down” expresses that he knew the dangers of these vices, and saw take other Singing Cowboys down.

But when you play in mud, your gonna get dirty. But he still has the core of the Singing Cowboy deep in his heart, it’s just covered with sequins and hidden under Nudie shirts. Sometimes you need a little cow dung on your boots to bring you back to basics. A couple of days on the trail to remind you of the hungry years. But you can have your cake and eat it too, the greats like Gene Autry, Roy Rogers and others paved the way and built the foundations for other Singing Cowboys like Dan to fill their shoes. So to keep grounded, Dan drove the Cadillac out to Boot Strap Ranch, where a fella can brand some cattle, feel the sweat on the brow and become inspired yet again:


The air is crisp, the branding iron is turning red, and Dan is getting back to the days of Langtry, when the music soothed a weary cowhand...

A Nudie creation by Jaime for Dan Simonis

Dan was in Los Angeles checking on the final mixing at Lurssen Mastering Labs, and since he was already in the neighborhood, he decided to pay a visit Jaime, who came to Los Angeles in 1974, to become the shirt and pants maker at Nudie’s Rodeo Tailors. When Manuel Cuevas opened his own studio, Jaime made the move and became Manuel’s head tailor for 16 years.
Choosing to stay behind in California with his family, while Manuel moved his studio to Nashville in the early nineties, Jaime opened his own studio and created his signature label in 1994.
So Dan gave Jaime the specifications of what he wanted, some curvy musical staffs going across his chest and other items that would make it signature Dan. He tried it on and it was like a second skin, and he thanked Jaime profusely and paid in full.

Tonight at Manuel's Restaurant: Dan Simonis

It was October 1979, Dan and then friend Rupert Bagsley had been working all summer on cover tunes to compile 3 45-minute sets. The played classic Roy Orbison, Willie and Waylon, and the song "Every which way but loose" by some new guy named Eddie Rabbit. Eddie Rabbit? What country singer would put that lame name out there? You shoot rabbits, not listen to them sing. But Dan had that voice down to a tee.
Any way, this was to be Dan's very first paying gig. He had tested the waters at BBQ's and such, but he wanted more than free ribs and beer. He and Rupert recorded all the sets and gave it to Angelo Rodriguez, another friend who moved away from Langtry to get a job in Odessa at Manuel's Tortilla and Tamale Factory. The owner also had a restaurant down the street, which played live music every Saturday night.
The owner liked their sound, except for the Eddie Rabbit song, and inked a deal for that weekend. Dan was ecstatic, and that afternoon he and Rupert loaded up their equipment into their recently bought used hearse, that was great on getting all the equipment in, but lousey on gas.
They met the owner at the restaurant, and he treated them to anything off the menu before taking the stage. The waitress came over, made eyes at Dan, and recommended the "Puffy Taco", which he did while being mesmerised by her eyes. Then it started. They made hard eye contact, Marty Robbins "El Paso" started playing over the restaurant sound system and Dan was falling, falling over this beautiful Latina Lilly.
They ate, got ready to play and the people at the bar really started to like them. First set, done, took a break, got a beer and made contact again with her. Name was Hallveig. Hallveig? "Yes" she said, "My dad was Norwegian, and mother was Spanish. They met at the officers club and later got married. I am named after his Aunt."
Ooookayy. Second set going well, except for boo's on "I love a rainy night". Dan made a mental note to ditch the Rabbit droppings. Stayed cool and on course to the end of the set with a round of applause. Took a break, Hallveig comes up to the bar to fill an order. Dan is thinking fast, how to get to the next step, ask her out, where to go? "Would you like to go somewhere after this?" Dan stumbled. "Sure. I get off at 10pm when you finish your last set. Be there" Yes, yes!....no! where are we going? What to do with Rupert? Rupert saw this coming way ahead and said he could go to Angelo's place while Dan cruised with Hallveig....in the hearse....
Third set, Dan played fast and fierce, wanting to get to the finish line, they did the 45 minute set in 15, like a Ramones concert; and they did it to a standing ovation. Thanked the manager, took the money, split it with Rupert, packed the hearse (that does'nt sound right), and Dan and Hallveig were off into the night. He needed to find a spot to make out with her and took the next feasible turn. Looked promising, no people, cars. She instructed him to take the next left and park. All was going as planned, and they got into the back seat of the hearse for making out. Dan was in heaven, until a floodlight filled the front windsheild. Odessa Sheriffs car was in front. Imagine the Sheriff's reaction to see a hearse parked at the entrance of Sunset Memorial Gardens cemetery with two kids making out in a hearse. Little did Dan know that he started a Goth tradition...
Sheriff checked license and registration, told Dan to take her home and go back to Langtry.
Dan and Rupert left Odessa for a long ride back to Langtry. Of the 40 dollars they were paid, 30 was spent on gas to get back. He would never forget the raven haired, blue eyed contessa. One of many lonely road trips he would make in the future music business with the West Texas Millionaires...

Dan's First Fight

click on picture

There are many rites of passage for young boys growing up in Texas, and one of the most important is the first fist fight. You stand your ground, feel nauseous, and wonder just how bad it will hurt. But you end up acting on sheer impulse. And so it was with Dan on his first year as a freshman of Langtry Prepartory Academy

The year was 1973, when all that experimental learning was taking place. Langtry Preparatory Academy prided itself in providing a positive academic environment that allows the students to think and progress socially and academically. Students are not limited to traditional grade levels; they have the freedom to complete lessons / courses as rapidly as they choose. Because of the nonthreatening, intimate surroundings, the student is afforded the opportunity to learn how to learn. Langtry Preparatory Academy’s staff make every effort to facilitate optimum learning. The nontraditional student needs to find his/her own comfort zone where learning is possible and even desirable. A student is not hindered by staying with a particular group, as in the public system. An individual’s learning style is honored, as long as it does not interfere with others....

And that, my friend, is how you describe lame. This would be the beginning of the end for Dan's motivation to finish anything dealing with education. He would later attend the same format in college, which burned up an easy 3 years with no results and invested money from Ma and Pa. But I digress, this is about fighting. Dan's minion was named Gilbert Jackson, a Junior with a nasty habit of chewing his nails, rendering a foul breath from his mouth. He would tag Dan's head on the Physical Ed playground, where they were engaged in a game of volleyball. Did I say this was experimental learning? That was the only option, other than playing croquet.

Dan had enough of this knuckle head sandwich, and on a cold October morning, he made his stand. Gilbert was about to deliver his famous cauliflowered ear fist when Dan responded, delivering a well placed punch to Gilberts left temple. Stunned, but not flattened, Gilbert grabbed Dan and proceeded to sit on his head. This was not good, and the other kids knew what came next. Yep, raspberry city, with Dan turning a whiter shade of pale, but managed to break away for another shot to Gilberts head. This one landed on the chin, and if you know anything about fighting, you know that when you land on solid rock, both you and the opponent feel the pain. Dan winched, trying to shake off the throbbing from his fingers... very very embarrassing.

Stay in control, don't do it, please don't do it....dammit...too late......the tears are there...Quick!...Do something!! Dan saved face and managed to get Gilbert in a full Nelson. Dan was big for his age which helped in the matter. Gilbert had to relent, had to declare defeat, which was made easier when Mr. Deerborne, Phys Ed. facilitator, and broke it up. Both boys played it off as if they were conducting a wrestling match, which resulted in Mr. Deerborne penalizing Dan for unecessary roughness, which he called using the example in frame #20 shown above. I don't know about you, but anybody that would use that to illustrate "unnecessary roughness" needs to be put in a full Nelson. Anyway, Dan was kept after school for one hour. Still, it was his victory, and from that day forward held his own.

The Story Continues

It's 1976, summer in Langtry, nothing, absolutely nothing to do, once again, for the kids of Langtry. Oh yeah, there is the river, blah blah blah. How many times can you make something exciting about a stupid river that has nothing to offer except cool in August.
Dan Simonis, age 17, is sitting on the front porch playing a Sears guitar, his first song, "Making out with Maggie" one of five girls in Langtry his age. They made out when they went over with the whole school class to Wright's Steak House, a good two hours away from Langtry, to share a steak.
But it was also at that time that Roger Thorenson came out to Langtry from California to visit his Dad. The divorce settlement required that he had equal time with his father in Texas, as well with his mother in California. He completely hated it, every summer he would have well spent in Cali in school, than spend his time in a void of any entertainment. He also played guitar, and met Dan at the Langtry post office:


Roger's dad was expecting a check from the Veterans of the VietNam War, and he was going to get a better guitar from that check.
Both boys met there and started exchanging info, how Cali was better than Tex, how music sucked in Texas compared to the upcoming rock and roll in California. Dan disagreed and was later proven right..
Anyhow, the boys talked amongst themselves and the two put on a great show that caused GIRLS to come around to listen to them.
Afterwards, the two got together and recorded the song "Making out with Maggie", that would send them into the Langtry Fall Fest to number one of the top 3 records.

The Story continues

Jonas Simonis, born 1930, was a lucky lad born into one of the most money laden family in Texas. They had built their fortune on a sand bar separating Texas and Mexico, allowing them to go tax free for most of the 19th century, giving them money trade on both sides of the border.
But alas, the Internal Revenue Agency played the ace against them and forced them to move on shore of Texas soil, took their cattle in back taxes and made them earn an honest living...of sorts...
Jonas found his revenge in buying an oil rig with what was left of his fortune, and began marketing the snake oil of the 20th century-petroleum jelly.
He had made contact with Robert Chesebrough, a young chemist whose previous work of distilling fuel from the oil of sperm whales had been rendered obsolete by petroleum, went to Titusville to see what new materials had commercial potential. Chesebrough took the unrefined black "rod wax", as the drillers called it, back to his laboratory to refine it and explore potential uses.
He did not consider the black gold of any worth, but used that revenue to market the medical elixer to all of America in the mid 1940's, that made the war effort a lot more successful in treating herpes and other skin diseases that affected the skin. During World War II, a variety of petroleum jelly called dark red veterinary petroleum jelly was often included in life raft survival kits. Acting as a sunscreen, it provides protection against ultraviolet rays
He furthered his fortune by expanding into the animal kingdom and marketed the benefits for pets which included stopping fungi from developing on aquatic turtles' shells and keeping cats from making messes when they cough up furballs.
By the time 1959 arrived, Dan Simonis was guaranteed a life of luxury left to him by his father, the lube king of the midwest, who cornered the market of the cosmetic industry. Nothing would match it until Mary Kay came onto the scene. But Dan had other ideas of his own, playing in the back yard with his ukelele, making simple tunes to pass the dull days of summer in the west Texas heat, depleted of any visual or audio stimulas, he struggled to entertain himself. And it paid off eventually. The story continues...

We Appreciate Your Business

The West Texas Millionaires hope you enjoy our Tall Texas Tales and other stories about the boys, and would like to encourage you to buy the cd located at our site:

http://westtexasmillionaires.com/music.html

You will enjoy an array of Americana style music and story telling lyrics that will leave you wanting to listen again.

Texas Tall Tales

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE TEXAN WHO GAVE HIS SON A fancy new cowboy outfit? It was a 200,000-acre ranch.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE TEXAN WHO WAS VERY RICH AND VERY SHORT? Instead of wearing elevator shoes, he just had the state lowered.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE TEXAN WHO CAME INTO HIS FORTUNE THROUGH a stroke of luck? His uncle had a stroke and left him everything.

The History Begins

It all begins in 1884, When Ben Semonis moves from Illinois, to marry Elizabeth in Langtry, Texas, at the Jersey Lilly Saloon court room and pool hall. There was so much disregard on where the border was between the US and Mexico that Ben set up his homestead on the Maher-Fitzsimmons sandbar, ten years before the namesakes creation. He no longer had to pay taxes, and gained a large sum of money for the family to gain acreage for raising cattle.
Investments grew, and then technology, and Ben's son Carvel bought the first tower called an oil rig, and began drawing crude from the sand bar, earning the family thousands of dollars. Carvel kept dredging sand towards the sandbar to create more "land" for the family, and soon reached 20 acres of sandbar in the river. People were catching on, and forced him stop the process, due to the damming of the river with the original property and the 12 acres of oil rigs and cattle. By 1930, Jonas Simonis, Dan's father, was born into one of the great fortunes of West Texas legend. The story continues....

Texas Tall Tales

A man owned a small ranch near San Antonio . The Texas Dept of Labor claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.. "Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board . Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally." "That's the guy I want to talk to .. the half-wit," says the agent. "That would be me," replied the Rancher.

Flxible Bus for Sale?

It's always a hard decision when letting go of your favorite vehicle, and it is the present turmoil attacking Dan....time to get a new tour Bus.
"You reminisce the lean years, when it took you to literally your next meal. The gigs you had to meet, sometimes 2 days travel time. Every one that bus made it....every one...." Dan is getting teary eyed as he tries to speak it out. So many memories
"I mean....sniff....how can you put a price on that......sniff.....I'm sorry....can't...talk...now"

It's ok Dan, we put the sign up for you, and I am sure we will find the right owner for it. It's time now to look forward, to see the light on the horizon, to boldly go where.....I think you get it:













Take this beauty for instance, fully restored and and de-fleaed, it is but one option on the lot at Langtry Luxury Limos, who also carry these beauties:



But Dan has his eye on a fixer upper:




You see, Dan worked as a roady for The Texas Top Hands when he was 16. They gave him his first beer, Lone Star, and got him hooked up with one of the groupies who was 18. Yes, that is what caused him to get his own bus, the great times he had....yeah.....
But now, Dan has to get on board and find a new bus so the band can make some upcoming dates for the tour, places like Macdona Shooting Club, near San Antonio; Poteet Strawberry Festival, State Fair of Texas^qv in Dallas; Southwestern Exposition and Livestock Show^qv in Fort Worth; the Stompede and Rodeo in Bandera, Buccaneer Days in Corpus Christi; the Oil Show in Odessa, the Wool Show and Rodeo in San Angelo, the Stockman's Ball in Laredo, the Peanut Festival in Floresville, the Watermelon Jubilee in Stockdale, the Horse Show and Fair in Junction, and last but not least the rodeo in El Paso.
So anyway, he searched and searched and finally found the bus on the internet. It is still kinda iffy, its in worse shape than the present one, but he can't shake it. However, if you know of a flxible bus enthusiast that has one for sale contact Dan at dansimonis@gmail.com.

West Texas Millionaire Dan Simonis considers offer from California Cryobank

A California fertility company whose anonymous sperm donors bear uncanny resemblances to the prince, the swim god and other men of note has extended an offer to Dan Simonis of the West Texas Millionaires an undisclosed amount of money for him to be a donor to their Look-A-Like service.

"It's very tempting, and is an amount that equals a years wage" Dan commented.

California Cryobank's Donor Look-A-Likes service offers would-be parents the chance to search for prospective donors based on which famous face the sperm donor most closely resembles.

The names most frequently searched for on the Web site, Browne said, include actors Paul Walker, Ben Affleck and Scott Caan, and jocks Luke Walton, Jeremy Shockey and Brett Favre.

The company has recently become interested in Dan Simonis, after he and the band were out on tour and the interest Dan generated among the fans. "He is a study in what the classic cowboys like John Wayne and other greats had in the days of early movies. We knew we had to get that look that is rarely seen these days at other DNA match up centers."

California Cryobank is set to be fully operational within two months at a Park Ave. space, where potential sperm donors can go through a rigorous health and history screening process before finding out which celebrity they most closely resemble.

"I'm looking forward to working with them, they stated that there is the potential of needing up to 20 donations per week. I'll try my best to keep up to that goal, I know it's going to take alot out me, but I'm a trooper, I'm doing it to keep Americana alive and well"

It will also be interesting to see "copies" of Dan running around playgrounds all across America and Canada, all happy and yodelling....

West Texas Millionaires Forced to Liquidate Cattle for cd/tour

It was hard for Dan to liquidate his long time family run cattle business by half, due to the cost of his upcoming cd/tour. "I still have the costs of running it by the mixing crew in L.A. along with the art work and the expenses of my tour schedule and band members, not to mention the outrageous fees my public relations person, Gary LaForge, is scalping me for..."
But it had to be done, the cash market for live cattle was slightly higher when comparing the July price from Worthing to the June price from the Dan Simonis' Stockyards. The cash price tables now include an average price for slaughter steers and cull cows from the Dan Simonis Regional Livestock auction in Langtry. Quotes for culls graded premium white have been sporadic. The weekly stocker cattle prices were seasonally volatile during July and early August on thin trading volume.
So off to slaughter they go before the price falls again, Gary is keeping an eye on the situation to make sure all goes flawlessly in the auction pit, keeping a key ear to the auctioneer so that Simonis gets the highest bid. This process can take up to 12 hours of watching, but Gary is the man for the job.

West Texas MillionairesTest cd on Primates

Back at general headquarters in North Dallas, Dan Simonis reviews his options on the release of his new cd. Going over Customer surveys and music sampling of double blind testing audio, they have compiled the most comprehensive consumer response data equaled only by NASA. The results? Need more data.

And in gathering such relative minutia they will require the expertise of bonobos handler German anatomist Ernst Schwarz II whose father is credited with having discovered the Bonobo in 1928.

This primate is mainly frugivorous, but supplements its diet with leaves and hunts for meat from lower order primates, or that of small vertebrates, such as flying squirrels and duikers and invertebrates. Bonobos have also been known to practice cannibalism in captivity.

And that is where they play a vital part in packaging The West Texas Millionaires next album. You see, country music is not for the faint of heart, and recent observations in the wild indicate that the males among the related Common Chimpanzee communities are extraordinarily hostile to males from outside of the community.

Schwarz observed, however, that while West Texas Millionaire music was being played over loudspeakers in the the housing cages, that the male bonobos were actually reverting to docile behavior unlike their nature. Continuing tests will prove that Dan's music can tame the savage beast that shares 98% of human DNA.

The following footage is after 2 hours of Dan's recordings that included the classsic "Singing the cattle call" by Eddie Arnold:(click on "Eddie Arnold")

You can hear the obvious mimicking of that song by these gibbons. The research continues, and the ultimate effort is to put the most peaceful country album (click on "country album) out on the market, to quell the ongoing problem of bar room brawls that plague our nation. Now is the time that we need to come together and enjoy music for its richness in culture, and not be the sound track for a country mosh pit. Keep up the great research, and give a high five to those bonobos for us.

West Texas Millionaires Consider Cadillac Ranch Makeover

Dan was feeling patriotic, and was thinking just how he could give back to the community that has given him so much. He is now in route to the Cadillac ranch to offer Stanely Marsh 3 a restoration project for his Cadillac Ranch. "It just seems sad to see a part of our Americana wasting away in the Earth, a symbol of American style and class. I would like to see that they get a good makeover to take them off the "Clunker List".
He has made an estimate for Stan, and will do some logistics on repainting, and getting the dents taken out, thanks to Gilbert Bulger, of Langtry car and body. "I would think that it will take 25 to 30 years to do, but we are getting some good grants written up to dip into that TARP bill." Good job Dan, that's making sense out of another Obomba program.

Dan induces meteor shower

While Bisbee is being blessed by rain all night long and into the day, our beloved astronomer Dan Simonis is in Germany doing research of the Perseid Meteor shower. By observing and then playing his guitar, he has telepathically induced more activity than is usually seen. He honed this craft while attending a class in astronomy at the U of A back in 1979 when he was seriously considering it as a career:

The Young Simonis graduated Summa Cum Laude in Astronomy, but after noticing how he could affect the physical universe with his guitar playing one night, he decided that the power he wielded, must be developed, so he put astronomy on the back burner and stayed with the guitar.

This meteor shower is particularly well known because so many people are out camping during this period. For many of us, the highlight of the family camping trip was lying on our backs all night watching for “shooting stars” and being well rewarded for our vigilance.

Last night Dan was at it again, and the Perseid Meteor Shower produced an above average number of shooting stars. A crowd gathered to listen and watch the powers that be, and enjoyed the light show in the crisp night air of Germany.

Saturday Night Radio

Well, its Saturday night and Dan and the boys really want to get the new cd on the air, but have to wait till all the red tape is done with the record people and produces and what not. Or do they?.....
Back in the day, Dan was dreaming of the big time, of getting into his car and when he turned on the radio he would hear his song. Yeh, it was some dream, but then he had an idea.
Dan was living in Langtry in 1978 and was the proud owner of a 1963, P&H Spitfire mobile amplifier which used six, 12JB6 sweep tubes. It was still the hottest base station cb in all of Langtry and then some. Output was about 500 watts PEP. With a 50 foot tower, he could talk from his living room to people as far away as California on a good clear night. One thing was for sure, truckers on highway 90 heard him loud and clear, as well as truckers on highway 10, a good 150 miles away.
Well, one night he got his cb base station heated up and took his guitar, plugged into the amp and commenced to key down and play his originals. After each song he would key up to get the truckers response and not "stomp" on the channel. Well, the truckers really liked what they heard and so he would play another song, get the review and continue. Well that was good entertainment for truckers taking that long lonely highway with absolutely nothing around for miles, and that means radio stations as well. So Dan got popular for his Saturday night radio show.
30 years later, he is sitting at a friends house who has a 1000 watt linear base station and a 100 foot tower. The boys are all tuned up and are about to key down again! I hope the truckers are going to welcome KWTM to channel 18 on the dial...

"Possum Puspa"

This is the story of a fine fraulein from Fredericksburg. Her name is Puspa, and here’s the tale of her gettin the nickname, “Possum Puspa”.
You see, Puspa was a hard working girl in that Texas town, got good grades, worked part time at the Lady Bird Johnson Municipal RV Park, and on a Saturday night would party just as hard at Skooters Road House out on highway 87.
Well, as usual, she was ready to have a couple of longnecks and get out to boot scoot the night away, and at first all went well. But there had been an ongoing fuss between her and Bertha, now the bar maid but once school friends with Puspa. Bertha blamed Puspa for taking her boyfriend, Lucas, away from her, but that just was not the case. Lucus just felt they needed time apart for awhile...but the truth was she had been adding a little too much beer and sausage to her diet.
Well, when she found out the truth, she really pounded down the Rote Grütze followed by a Heineken chaser.
Bitter and bloated, Bertha always carded Puspa whenever she ordered a beer. And Bertha would wait just before the slow dance to have her now boyfriend and bouncer Max remove Puspa from the premise stating she had too much to drink.
Well, this time was going to be different. Puspa was ready for this, and had a plan. It was approaching the golden hour of 9pm when they played the slow stuff. Puspa threw back 2 shots of whisky for courage and waited for the inevitable gorgeous guy to ask her to dance. This night it was Dan Simonis. She never had seen him before and she got moonstruck. “This one’s gonna be my Lone Star” she said.
Well, just as they were making their way to the dance floor, Bertha noticed how enthraled Puspa was and knew she had to ruin it. “Max! Floor!” she screamed. Puspa heard the cue, knew it was the exit mode, but desperately did not want to leave Dan’s arms. But she did, grabbed an empty bottle, and made her way to Bertha.
The bottle made its mark, but there was plenty of pudding padding on her forehead to just daze her a little. She came around the bar to grab Puspa. Someone yelled "Look out!" but it was too late. By the time Bertha got around the bar, Puspa jumped on her back and dug all ten claws into her bleached blonde hair. The flying tackle sent Bertha reeling forward with Puspa on her back. She hit a table and they crashed over it, collapsing it onto the floor with all 220 pounds of Bertha.
The fall hurt Puspa, but she wanted Bertha’s blood. So she pretended to be knocked out, to give her a few seconds to regain. That is what Texans call “Playin’ Possum”
“That’ll show her” grunted Bertha as she turned to call Max to clean up the mess. But lo and behold, Dan was keeping Max diverted with a little of his own roadhouse roundhouse.
Puspa knew this was her chance, Bertha’s attention was diverted. So Puspa sprang off the floor
and with all of her weight clipped Bertha in the lower back with her shoulder. Bertha buckled from the pain, and rolled on her back. Puspa dotted both eyes, and asked if Bertha was ready for a truce. “Arghhh...my back...heck yeah I’m through”
Dan had disposed of Max as well and he came to Puspa, asked if she would like to leave that place and have some pie at Friedhelm's Bavarian Restaurant. She took his arm and the rest is history..