Scariest Story Ever Told

One night a woman went out for drinks with her girlfriends. She left the bar fairly late at night, got in her car and onto the deserted highway. She noticed a lone pair of headlights in her rear-view mirror, approaching at a pace just slightly quicker than hers. As the car pulled up behind her she glanced and saw the turn signal on — the car was going to pass — when suddenly it swerved back behind her, pulled up dangerously close to her tailgate and the brights flashed.

Now she was getting nervous. The lights dimmed for a moment and then the brights came back on and the car behind her surged forward. The frightened woman struggled to keep her eyes on the road and fought the urge to look at the car behind her. Finally, her exit approached but the car continued to follow, flashing the brights periodically.

Through every stoplight and turn, it followed her until she pulled into her driveway. She figured her only hope was to make a mad dash into the house and call the police. As she flew from the car, so did the driver of the car behind her — and he screamed, "Lock the door and call the police! Call 911!"

When the police arrived the horrible truth was finally revealed to the woman. The man in the car had been trying to save her. As he pulled up behind her and his headlights illuminated her car, he saw the silhouette of a man with a butcher knife rising up from the back seat to stab her, so he flashed his brights and the figure crouched back down. That hero was Dan Simonis. The killer was the ghost of Elvis. Go figure...

Moral of the story: always have a designated driver.
Happy Halloween!

The Story Continues: Enter Colonel Bret Austin

So far, we have seen Dan's history, starting from ol' grandad's sandbar paradise, to his first gig in Midland Texas. Now we see what started his next phase that propelled him to the stars. Enter Colonel Bret Austin. Who is this man dressed in white? Who was this man that gave the Millionaires their big break? "Colonel" was a moniker given to him because he knew how to commandeer a car lot, driving his salesmen harder and harder every day. This was very impressive for such a young man who was a veteran. He would start the new recruits at his Bonneville Bootcamp, where they had to prove themselves by selling more Pontiac Bonnevilles than the other "motor maggots". Oh he was cruel, making them dress full kilt in business suits, requiring them to have a full set of 6 suits for the workweek.

Fights would break out, jealousy was abound in the competition, but in the end, 2 of the 10 candidates would emerge ahead of the pack to acend to the Cadillac department in Del Rio, Texas, next to the infamous Laughlin Air Force Base. At a dance at the American Legion in Del Rio, Bret saw Dan for the first time. He was impressed with Dan's band, now numbering 4. The band was tight and they kept a suave' image. Dan had the band going as he went through the song list, and at the end of the third set, Bret approached him.

He offered Dan a deal to record his songs, promote the album through connections in radio, and a tour that would secure the investment to render a profit that would satisfy both parties. Residuals would be determined upon the initial responses. He had big ties in the tiny town of Del Rio due to the Air Force Base. Entertainers would perform at Laughlin and buy his Cadillacs at a better price than Los Angeles or New York. Now he could double down on this business relationship to promote a band. The Nevada elite loved him, praised him for his Cadillacs.

However, locals had their opinions of Bret:

He’s on a first-name basis with the bottom of the deck.
There are a lot of nooses in his family tree.
So crooked that if he swallowed a nail he’d spit up a corkscrew.
So crooked you can’t tell from his tracks if he’s coming or going.
He knows more ways to take your money than a roomful of lawyers.
Crooked as a dog’s hind leg.
Crooked as the Brazos.
Slicker than a slop jar.
More twists than a pretzel factory.
Crooked as a barrel of fish hooks.
So crooked he has to unscrew his britches at night.

Dan didn't care, didn't listen to the naysayers, he grabbed the pen and signed the contract. The best part of the deal was that he was going to get a brand new 1986 Cadillac! So Dan and the band went into the studio and cut the first album, got interviews with tv and radio, ran a 12 month tour across the US and filmed a short for a private movie production firm owned partially by Bret of their live performances. They put more miles on that Caddy, with a trailor for equipment on back, than they could imagine.

But Dan could not feel more alive than at this time. The band also felt the same, getting out of Langtry/Del Rio was a major step forward. Yep the world was theirs:

The Singing Cowboy

Around the campfire, the original cowboys sang of life on the trail with all the challengers, hardships and dangers encountered while pushing cattle for miles up the trails that headed north. The earliest collections of cowboy songs are credited to Nathan Howard Thorp, whose Songs of the Cowboy in 1908 is reckoned to be the first, and John Avery Lomax, whose 1910 collection, Cowboy Songs and Other Frontier Ballads, collected for the first time many songs that are now among the best known of the genre.
One of those popular songs was “The Strawberry Roan” here sung by Marty Robbins:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3BkHtlSYR4

Much of what is included in the genre of "cowboy music" is "traditional", and by the 1930's things got fancy-like with a number of songs have been written and made famous by groups like the Sons of the Pioneers and Riders in the Sky and individual performers such as Gene Autry, Roy Rogers, Michael Martin Murphy and other "singing cowboys." Singing in the wrangler style, these entertainers have served to preserve the cowboy as a unique American hero through their movies.

Where’s the Singing Cowboy today? Oh, there a few, like Kim O’Conner out of Fort Worth, Andy Hersey, and...our own Dan Simonis. Back before he got all Cadillac fancy he was a die hard Singing Cowboy, and all the money and cars and the gambling habits did not yet have their way with him. Songs like “Long Way Down” expresses that he knew the dangers of these vices, and saw take other Singing Cowboys down.

But when you play in mud, your gonna get dirty. But he still has the core of the Singing Cowboy deep in his heart, it’s just covered with sequins and hidden under Nudie shirts. Sometimes you need a little cow dung on your boots to bring you back to basics. A couple of days on the trail to remind you of the hungry years. But you can have your cake and eat it too, the greats like Gene Autry, Roy Rogers and others paved the way and built the foundations for other Singing Cowboys like Dan to fill their shoes. So to keep grounded, Dan drove the Cadillac out to Boot Strap Ranch, where a fella can brand some cattle, feel the sweat on the brow and become inspired yet again:


The air is crisp, the branding iron is turning red, and Dan is getting back to the days of Langtry, when the music soothed a weary cowhand...

A Nudie creation by Jaime for Dan Simonis

Dan was in Los Angeles checking on the final mixing at Lurssen Mastering Labs, and since he was already in the neighborhood, he decided to pay a visit Jaime, who came to Los Angeles in 1974, to become the shirt and pants maker at Nudie’s Rodeo Tailors. When Manuel Cuevas opened his own studio, Jaime made the move and became Manuel’s head tailor for 16 years.
Choosing to stay behind in California with his family, while Manuel moved his studio to Nashville in the early nineties, Jaime opened his own studio and created his signature label in 1994.
So Dan gave Jaime the specifications of what he wanted, some curvy musical staffs going across his chest and other items that would make it signature Dan. He tried it on and it was like a second skin, and he thanked Jaime profusely and paid in full.

Tonight at Manuel's Restaurant: Dan Simonis

It was October 1979, Dan and then friend Rupert Bagsley had been working all summer on cover tunes to compile 3 45-minute sets. The played classic Roy Orbison, Willie and Waylon, and the song "Every which way but loose" by some new guy named Eddie Rabbit. Eddie Rabbit? What country singer would put that lame name out there? You shoot rabbits, not listen to them sing. But Dan had that voice down to a tee.
Any way, this was to be Dan's very first paying gig. He had tested the waters at BBQ's and such, but he wanted more than free ribs and beer. He and Rupert recorded all the sets and gave it to Angelo Rodriguez, another friend who moved away from Langtry to get a job in Odessa at Manuel's Tortilla and Tamale Factory. The owner also had a restaurant down the street, which played live music every Saturday night.
The owner liked their sound, except for the Eddie Rabbit song, and inked a deal for that weekend. Dan was ecstatic, and that afternoon he and Rupert loaded up their equipment into their recently bought used hearse, that was great on getting all the equipment in, but lousey on gas.
They met the owner at the restaurant, and he treated them to anything off the menu before taking the stage. The waitress came over, made eyes at Dan, and recommended the "Puffy Taco", which he did while being mesmerised by her eyes. Then it started. They made hard eye contact, Marty Robbins "El Paso" started playing over the restaurant sound system and Dan was falling, falling over this beautiful Latina Lilly.
They ate, got ready to play and the people at the bar really started to like them. First set, done, took a break, got a beer and made contact again with her. Name was Hallveig. Hallveig? "Yes" she said, "My dad was Norwegian, and mother was Spanish. They met at the officers club and later got married. I am named after his Aunt."
Ooookayy. Second set going well, except for boo's on "I love a rainy night". Dan made a mental note to ditch the Rabbit droppings. Stayed cool and on course to the end of the set with a round of applause. Took a break, Hallveig comes up to the bar to fill an order. Dan is thinking fast, how to get to the next step, ask her out, where to go? "Would you like to go somewhere after this?" Dan stumbled. "Sure. I get off at 10pm when you finish your last set. Be there" Yes, yes!....no! where are we going? What to do with Rupert? Rupert saw this coming way ahead and said he could go to Angelo's place while Dan cruised with Hallveig....in the hearse....
Third set, Dan played fast and fierce, wanting to get to the finish line, they did the 45 minute set in 15, like a Ramones concert; and they did it to a standing ovation. Thanked the manager, took the money, split it with Rupert, packed the hearse (that does'nt sound right), and Dan and Hallveig were off into the night. He needed to find a spot to make out with her and took the next feasible turn. Looked promising, no people, cars. She instructed him to take the next left and park. All was going as planned, and they got into the back seat of the hearse for making out. Dan was in heaven, until a floodlight filled the front windsheild. Odessa Sheriffs car was in front. Imagine the Sheriff's reaction to see a hearse parked at the entrance of Sunset Memorial Gardens cemetery with two kids making out in a hearse. Little did Dan know that he started a Goth tradition...
Sheriff checked license and registration, told Dan to take her home and go back to Langtry.
Dan and Rupert left Odessa for a long ride back to Langtry. Of the 40 dollars they were paid, 30 was spent on gas to get back. He would never forget the raven haired, blue eyed contessa. One of many lonely road trips he would make in the future music business with the West Texas Millionaires...

Dan's First Fight

click on picture

There are many rites of passage for young boys growing up in Texas, and one of the most important is the first fist fight. You stand your ground, feel nauseous, and wonder just how bad it will hurt. But you end up acting on sheer impulse. And so it was with Dan on his first year as a freshman of Langtry Prepartory Academy

The year was 1973, when all that experimental learning was taking place. Langtry Preparatory Academy prided itself in providing a positive academic environment that allows the students to think and progress socially and academically. Students are not limited to traditional grade levels; they have the freedom to complete lessons / courses as rapidly as they choose. Because of the nonthreatening, intimate surroundings, the student is afforded the opportunity to learn how to learn. Langtry Preparatory Academy’s staff make every effort to facilitate optimum learning. The nontraditional student needs to find his/her own comfort zone where learning is possible and even desirable. A student is not hindered by staying with a particular group, as in the public system. An individual’s learning style is honored, as long as it does not interfere with others....

And that, my friend, is how you describe lame. This would be the beginning of the end for Dan's motivation to finish anything dealing with education. He would later attend the same format in college, which burned up an easy 3 years with no results and invested money from Ma and Pa. But I digress, this is about fighting. Dan's minion was named Gilbert Jackson, a Junior with a nasty habit of chewing his nails, rendering a foul breath from his mouth. He would tag Dan's head on the Physical Ed playground, where they were engaged in a game of volleyball. Did I say this was experimental learning? That was the only option, other than playing croquet.

Dan had enough of this knuckle head sandwich, and on a cold October morning, he made his stand. Gilbert was about to deliver his famous cauliflowered ear fist when Dan responded, delivering a well placed punch to Gilberts left temple. Stunned, but not flattened, Gilbert grabbed Dan and proceeded to sit on his head. This was not good, and the other kids knew what came next. Yep, raspberry city, with Dan turning a whiter shade of pale, but managed to break away for another shot to Gilberts head. This one landed on the chin, and if you know anything about fighting, you know that when you land on solid rock, both you and the opponent feel the pain. Dan winched, trying to shake off the throbbing from his fingers... very very embarrassing.

Stay in control, don't do it, please don't do it....dammit...too late......the tears are there...Quick!...Do something!! Dan saved face and managed to get Gilbert in a full Nelson. Dan was big for his age which helped in the matter. Gilbert had to relent, had to declare defeat, which was made easier when Mr. Deerborne, Phys Ed. facilitator, and broke it up. Both boys played it off as if they were conducting a wrestling match, which resulted in Mr. Deerborne penalizing Dan for unecessary roughness, which he called using the example in frame #20 shown above. I don't know about you, but anybody that would use that to illustrate "unnecessary roughness" needs to be put in a full Nelson. Anyway, Dan was kept after school for one hour. Still, it was his victory, and from that day forward held his own.

The Story Continues

It's 1976, summer in Langtry, nothing, absolutely nothing to do, once again, for the kids of Langtry. Oh yeah, there is the river, blah blah blah. How many times can you make something exciting about a stupid river that has nothing to offer except cool in August.
Dan Simonis, age 17, is sitting on the front porch playing a Sears guitar, his first song, "Making out with Maggie" one of five girls in Langtry his age. They made out when they went over with the whole school class to Wright's Steak House, a good two hours away from Langtry, to share a steak.
But it was also at that time that Roger Thorenson came out to Langtry from California to visit his Dad. The divorce settlement required that he had equal time with his father in Texas, as well with his mother in California. He completely hated it, every summer he would have well spent in Cali in school, than spend his time in a void of any entertainment. He also played guitar, and met Dan at the Langtry post office:


Roger's dad was expecting a check from the Veterans of the VietNam War, and he was going to get a better guitar from that check.
Both boys met there and started exchanging info, how Cali was better than Tex, how music sucked in Texas compared to the upcoming rock and roll in California. Dan disagreed and was later proven right..
Anyhow, the boys talked amongst themselves and the two put on a great show that caused GIRLS to come around to listen to them.
Afterwards, the two got together and recorded the song "Making out with Maggie", that would send them into the Langtry Fall Fest to number one of the top 3 records.