West Texas Millionaires Forced to Liquidate Cattle for cd/tour

It was hard for Dan to liquidate his long time family run cattle business by half, due to the cost of his upcoming cd/tour. "I still have the costs of running it by the mixing crew in L.A. along with the art work and the expenses of my tour schedule and band members, not to mention the outrageous fees my public relations person, Gary LaForge, is scalping me for..."
But it had to be done, the cash market for live cattle was slightly higher when comparing the July price from Worthing to the June price from the Dan Simonis' Stockyards. The cash price tables now include an average price for slaughter steers and cull cows from the Dan Simonis Regional Livestock auction in Langtry. Quotes for culls graded premium white have been sporadic. The weekly stocker cattle prices were seasonally volatile during July and early August on thin trading volume.
So off to slaughter they go before the price falls again, Gary is keeping an eye on the situation to make sure all goes flawlessly in the auction pit, keeping a key ear to the auctioneer so that Simonis gets the highest bid. This process can take up to 12 hours of watching, but Gary is the man for the job.

West Texas MillionairesTest cd on Primates

Back at general headquarters in North Dallas, Dan Simonis reviews his options on the release of his new cd. Going over Customer surveys and music sampling of double blind testing audio, they have compiled the most comprehensive consumer response data equaled only by NASA. The results? Need more data.

And in gathering such relative minutia they will require the expertise of bonobos handler German anatomist Ernst Schwarz II whose father is credited with having discovered the Bonobo in 1928.

This primate is mainly frugivorous, but supplements its diet with leaves and hunts for meat from lower order primates, or that of small vertebrates, such as flying squirrels and duikers and invertebrates. Bonobos have also been known to practice cannibalism in captivity.

And that is where they play a vital part in packaging The West Texas Millionaires next album. You see, country music is not for the faint of heart, and recent observations in the wild indicate that the males among the related Common Chimpanzee communities are extraordinarily hostile to males from outside of the community.

Schwarz observed, however, that while West Texas Millionaire music was being played over loudspeakers in the the housing cages, that the male bonobos were actually reverting to docile behavior unlike their nature. Continuing tests will prove that Dan's music can tame the savage beast that shares 98% of human DNA.

The following footage is after 2 hours of Dan's recordings that included the classsic "Singing the cattle call" by Eddie Arnold:(click on "Eddie Arnold")

You can hear the obvious mimicking of that song by these gibbons. The research continues, and the ultimate effort is to put the most peaceful country album (click on "country album) out on the market, to quell the ongoing problem of bar room brawls that plague our nation. Now is the time that we need to come together and enjoy music for its richness in culture, and not be the sound track for a country mosh pit. Keep up the great research, and give a high five to those bonobos for us.

West Texas Millionaires Consider Cadillac Ranch Makeover

Dan was feeling patriotic, and was thinking just how he could give back to the community that has given him so much. He is now in route to the Cadillac ranch to offer Stanely Marsh 3 a restoration project for his Cadillac Ranch. "It just seems sad to see a part of our Americana wasting away in the Earth, a symbol of American style and class. I would like to see that they get a good makeover to take them off the "Clunker List".
He has made an estimate for Stan, and will do some logistics on repainting, and getting the dents taken out, thanks to Gilbert Bulger, of Langtry car and body. "I would think that it will take 25 to 30 years to do, but we are getting some good grants written up to dip into that TARP bill." Good job Dan, that's making sense out of another Obomba program.

Dan induces meteor shower

While Bisbee is being blessed by rain all night long and into the day, our beloved astronomer Dan Simonis is in Germany doing research of the Perseid Meteor shower. By observing and then playing his guitar, he has telepathically induced more activity than is usually seen. He honed this craft while attending a class in astronomy at the U of A back in 1979 when he was seriously considering it as a career:

The Young Simonis graduated Summa Cum Laude in Astronomy, but after noticing how he could affect the physical universe with his guitar playing one night, he decided that the power he wielded, must be developed, so he put astronomy on the back burner and stayed with the guitar.

This meteor shower is particularly well known because so many people are out camping during this period. For many of us, the highlight of the family camping trip was lying on our backs all night watching for “shooting stars” and being well rewarded for our vigilance.

Last night Dan was at it again, and the Perseid Meteor Shower produced an above average number of shooting stars. A crowd gathered to listen and watch the powers that be, and enjoyed the light show in the crisp night air of Germany.

Saturday Night Radio

Well, its Saturday night and Dan and the boys really want to get the new cd on the air, but have to wait till all the red tape is done with the record people and produces and what not. Or do they?.....
Back in the day, Dan was dreaming of the big time, of getting into his car and when he turned on the radio he would hear his song. Yeh, it was some dream, but then he had an idea.
Dan was living in Langtry in 1978 and was the proud owner of a 1963, P&H Spitfire mobile amplifier which used six, 12JB6 sweep tubes. It was still the hottest base station cb in all of Langtry and then some. Output was about 500 watts PEP. With a 50 foot tower, he could talk from his living room to people as far away as California on a good clear night. One thing was for sure, truckers on highway 90 heard him loud and clear, as well as truckers on highway 10, a good 150 miles away.
Well, one night he got his cb base station heated up and took his guitar, plugged into the amp and commenced to key down and play his originals. After each song he would key up to get the truckers response and not "stomp" on the channel. Well, the truckers really liked what they heard and so he would play another song, get the review and continue. Well that was good entertainment for truckers taking that long lonely highway with absolutely nothing around for miles, and that means radio stations as well. So Dan got popular for his Saturday night radio show.
30 years later, he is sitting at a friends house who has a 1000 watt linear base station and a 100 foot tower. The boys are all tuned up and are about to key down again! I hope the truckers are going to welcome KWTM to channel 18 on the dial...

"Possum Puspa"

This is the story of a fine fraulein from Fredericksburg. Her name is Puspa, and here’s the tale of her gettin the nickname, “Possum Puspa”.
You see, Puspa was a hard working girl in that Texas town, got good grades, worked part time at the Lady Bird Johnson Municipal RV Park, and on a Saturday night would party just as hard at Skooters Road House out on highway 87.
Well, as usual, she was ready to have a couple of longnecks and get out to boot scoot the night away, and at first all went well. But there had been an ongoing fuss between her and Bertha, now the bar maid but once school friends with Puspa. Bertha blamed Puspa for taking her boyfriend, Lucas, away from her, but that just was not the case. Lucus just felt they needed time apart for awhile...but the truth was she had been adding a little too much beer and sausage to her diet.
Well, when she found out the truth, she really pounded down the Rote Grütze followed by a Heineken chaser.
Bitter and bloated, Bertha always carded Puspa whenever she ordered a beer. And Bertha would wait just before the slow dance to have her now boyfriend and bouncer Max remove Puspa from the premise stating she had too much to drink.
Well, this time was going to be different. Puspa was ready for this, and had a plan. It was approaching the golden hour of 9pm when they played the slow stuff. Puspa threw back 2 shots of whisky for courage and waited for the inevitable gorgeous guy to ask her to dance. This night it was Dan Simonis. She never had seen him before and she got moonstruck. “This one’s gonna be my Lone Star” she said.
Well, just as they were making their way to the dance floor, Bertha noticed how enthraled Puspa was and knew she had to ruin it. “Max! Floor!” she screamed. Puspa heard the cue, knew it was the exit mode, but desperately did not want to leave Dan’s arms. But she did, grabbed an empty bottle, and made her way to Bertha.
The bottle made its mark, but there was plenty of pudding padding on her forehead to just daze her a little. She came around the bar to grab Puspa. Someone yelled "Look out!" but it was too late. By the time Bertha got around the bar, Puspa jumped on her back and dug all ten claws into her bleached blonde hair. The flying tackle sent Bertha reeling forward with Puspa on her back. She hit a table and they crashed over it, collapsing it onto the floor with all 220 pounds of Bertha.
The fall hurt Puspa, but she wanted Bertha’s blood. So she pretended to be knocked out, to give her a few seconds to regain. That is what Texans call “Playin’ Possum”
“That’ll show her” grunted Bertha as she turned to call Max to clean up the mess. But lo and behold, Dan was keeping Max diverted with a little of his own roadhouse roundhouse.
Puspa knew this was her chance, Bertha’s attention was diverted. So Puspa sprang off the floor
and with all of her weight clipped Bertha in the lower back with her shoulder. Bertha buckled from the pain, and rolled on her back. Puspa dotted both eyes, and asked if Bertha was ready for a truce. “Arghhh...my back...heck yeah I’m through”
Dan had disposed of Max as well and he came to Puspa, asked if she would like to leave that place and have some pie at Friedhelm's Bavarian Restaurant. She took his arm and the rest is history..

Dalhart Dan

Before Dan came into all that money, he earned a living either working 4 12 hour days on the family oil rig, or showing off his bull riding skills before cracking his hand from having it almost twisted off from the rope he was holding on to.
Well he is still in New York arguing with the producer about why he can't put his album out in blue vinyl, seems easy to me. So he will be missing his long time tradition of attending the XIT RODEO AND REUNION Held annually since 1925 in Dalhart, Texas, the XIT honors the cowboys who worked the ranch in its 1880’s heyday, when 150,000 cattle roamed more than 3 million acres. Known for the world’s largest free barbecue (as well as gratis watermelon and pork chop feeds), the festival also includes a rodeo, parade, dances, live music, and more.

One year he stole the show by winning the bull riding competition and got this little charm:


Then went directly over to the food barn and won the watermelon eating contest


Then took the stage for the nights leading musical entertainment

It was a night to remember, but alas, he will not be able to relive the moment due to going over photos for the album. Oh well, maybe next year...

Today's Tall Texas Tales

You know the routine, monday morning madness, gotta have a grin to bear it. So here goes:

A WOMAN WAS KICKED TO DEATH BY A MULE, AND A HUGE CROWD GATHERED for her funeral. "She must have been very popular," observed a visitor. "Hell, no," said an old-timer. "She was the orneriest old lady in the county. All these people just want to bid on the mule that was strong enough to outkick her."

THE SCHOOLTEACHER ASKED LITTLE JOHNNY A MATH QUESTION: "IF there were twelve sheep in a field and one jumped over the fence, how many would be left?" Johnny replied, "None." The teacher frowned and said disapprovingly, "You don't know arithmetic." Said Johnny: "No, ma'am, but I know sheep."

A PAIR OF TEXAS EAGLES WERE FLYING ALONG WHEN A JET PLANE SUDDENLY overtook them and landed not far ahead. One eagle said, "That fellow sure was moving!" And the second eagle said, "So would you if your tail was on fire."