The Story continues

Jonas Simonis, born 1930, was a lucky lad born into one of the most money laden family in Texas. They had built their fortune on a sand bar separating Texas and Mexico, allowing them to go tax free for most of the 19th century, giving them money trade on both sides of the border.
But alas, the Internal Revenue Agency played the ace against them and forced them to move on shore of Texas soil, took their cattle in back taxes and made them earn an honest living...of sorts...
Jonas found his revenge in buying an oil rig with what was left of his fortune, and began marketing the snake oil of the 20th century-petroleum jelly.
He had made contact with Robert Chesebrough, a young chemist whose previous work of distilling fuel from the oil of sperm whales had been rendered obsolete by petroleum, went to Titusville to see what new materials had commercial potential. Chesebrough took the unrefined black "rod wax", as the drillers called it, back to his laboratory to refine it and explore potential uses.
He did not consider the black gold of any worth, but used that revenue to market the medical elixer to all of America in the mid 1940's, that made the war effort a lot more successful in treating herpes and other skin diseases that affected the skin. During World War II, a variety of petroleum jelly called dark red veterinary petroleum jelly was often included in life raft survival kits. Acting as a sunscreen, it provides protection against ultraviolet rays
He furthered his fortune by expanding into the animal kingdom and marketed the benefits for pets which included stopping fungi from developing on aquatic turtles' shells and keeping cats from making messes when they cough up furballs.
By the time 1959 arrived, Dan Simonis was guaranteed a life of luxury left to him by his father, the lube king of the midwest, who cornered the market of the cosmetic industry. Nothing would match it until Mary Kay came onto the scene. But Dan had other ideas of his own, playing in the back yard with his ukelele, making simple tunes to pass the dull days of summer in the west Texas heat, depleted of any visual or audio stimulas, he struggled to entertain himself. And it paid off eventually. The story continues...

We Appreciate Your Business

The West Texas Millionaires hope you enjoy our Tall Texas Tales and other stories about the boys, and would like to encourage you to buy the cd located at our site:

http://westtexasmillionaires.com/music.html

You will enjoy an array of Americana style music and story telling lyrics that will leave you wanting to listen again.

Texas Tall Tales

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE TEXAN WHO GAVE HIS SON A fancy new cowboy outfit? It was a 200,000-acre ranch.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE TEXAN WHO WAS VERY RICH AND VERY SHORT? Instead of wearing elevator shoes, he just had the state lowered.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE TEXAN WHO CAME INTO HIS FORTUNE THROUGH a stroke of luck? His uncle had a stroke and left him everything.

The History Begins

It all begins in 1884, When Ben Semonis moves from Illinois, to marry Elizabeth in Langtry, Texas, at the Jersey Lilly Saloon court room and pool hall. There was so much disregard on where the border was between the US and Mexico that Ben set up his homestead on the Maher-Fitzsimmons sandbar, ten years before the namesakes creation. He no longer had to pay taxes, and gained a large sum of money for the family to gain acreage for raising cattle.
Investments grew, and then technology, and Ben's son Carvel bought the first tower called an oil rig, and began drawing crude from the sand bar, earning the family thousands of dollars. Carvel kept dredging sand towards the sandbar to create more "land" for the family, and soon reached 20 acres of sandbar in the river. People were catching on, and forced him stop the process, due to the damming of the river with the original property and the 12 acres of oil rigs and cattle. By 1930, Jonas Simonis, Dan's father, was born into one of the great fortunes of West Texas legend. The story continues....

Texas Tall Tales

A man owned a small ranch near San Antonio . The Texas Dept of Labor claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.. "Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board . Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally." "That's the guy I want to talk to .. the half-wit," says the agent. "That would be me," replied the Rancher.

Flxible Bus for Sale?

It's always a hard decision when letting go of your favorite vehicle, and it is the present turmoil attacking Dan....time to get a new tour Bus.
"You reminisce the lean years, when it took you to literally your next meal. The gigs you had to meet, sometimes 2 days travel time. Every one that bus made it....every one...." Dan is getting teary eyed as he tries to speak it out. So many memories
"I mean....sniff....how can you put a price on that......sniff.....I'm sorry....can't...talk...now"

It's ok Dan, we put the sign up for you, and I am sure we will find the right owner for it. It's time now to look forward, to see the light on the horizon, to boldly go where.....I think you get it:













Take this beauty for instance, fully restored and and de-fleaed, it is but one option on the lot at Langtry Luxury Limos, who also carry these beauties:



But Dan has his eye on a fixer upper:




You see, Dan worked as a roady for The Texas Top Hands when he was 16. They gave him his first beer, Lone Star, and got him hooked up with one of the groupies who was 18. Yes, that is what caused him to get his own bus, the great times he had....yeah.....
But now, Dan has to get on board and find a new bus so the band can make some upcoming dates for the tour, places like Macdona Shooting Club, near San Antonio; Poteet Strawberry Festival, State Fair of Texas^qv in Dallas; Southwestern Exposition and Livestock Show^qv in Fort Worth; the Stompede and Rodeo in Bandera, Buccaneer Days in Corpus Christi; the Oil Show in Odessa, the Wool Show and Rodeo in San Angelo, the Stockman's Ball in Laredo, the Peanut Festival in Floresville, the Watermelon Jubilee in Stockdale, the Horse Show and Fair in Junction, and last but not least the rodeo in El Paso.
So anyway, he searched and searched and finally found the bus on the internet. It is still kinda iffy, its in worse shape than the present one, but he can't shake it. However, if you know of a flxible bus enthusiast that has one for sale contact Dan at dansimonis@gmail.com.

West Texas Millionaire Dan Simonis considers offer from California Cryobank

A California fertility company whose anonymous sperm donors bear uncanny resemblances to the prince, the swim god and other men of note has extended an offer to Dan Simonis of the West Texas Millionaires an undisclosed amount of money for him to be a donor to their Look-A-Like service.

"It's very tempting, and is an amount that equals a years wage" Dan commented.

California Cryobank's Donor Look-A-Likes service offers would-be parents the chance to search for prospective donors based on which famous face the sperm donor most closely resembles.

The names most frequently searched for on the Web site, Browne said, include actors Paul Walker, Ben Affleck and Scott Caan, and jocks Luke Walton, Jeremy Shockey and Brett Favre.

The company has recently become interested in Dan Simonis, after he and the band were out on tour and the interest Dan generated among the fans. "He is a study in what the classic cowboys like John Wayne and other greats had in the days of early movies. We knew we had to get that look that is rarely seen these days at other DNA match up centers."

California Cryobank is set to be fully operational within two months at a Park Ave. space, where potential sperm donors can go through a rigorous health and history screening process before finding out which celebrity they most closely resemble.

"I'm looking forward to working with them, they stated that there is the potential of needing up to 20 donations per week. I'll try my best to keep up to that goal, I know it's going to take alot out me, but I'm a trooper, I'm doing it to keep Americana alive and well"

It will also be interesting to see "copies" of Dan running around playgrounds all across America and Canada, all happy and yodelling....