Terrible Toby: Rodeo Clown gone bad

We left Dan at the rodeo being carted off on a stretcher with multiple bruises and broken wrist. But what we did not tell you is what happened to happy go lucky Toby the rodeo clown. If you agreed with me on the last post about the crazy cowboys riding bulls, then you would naturally second the motion on voting rodeo clowns as certifiably insane!

They take the horn to protect the cowboys from being killed by these angry angus. When Dan went down, in came the clown. But Toby was not expecting the bull to zero down on him, and in all of his 23 years of service as a servant rescue worker, he never had a bull take him down and stomp his skull in with it's hooves. They rushed him to the hospital and found that a portion of his frontal bone structure above his eyebrow was crushed inward, giving him what amounted to being a frontal lobotomy.

But instead of causing him a sedated frame of mind, he has an unbalanced mood of rage intermittent with mad laughter. "Terrible Toby" was his new nickname among the bull riders and cowboys in town. They would not let him back into the ring to be a rodeo clown, and he blames Dan for his demise. And that is how it all started, causing chaos for Dan whenever possible. He found out where Dan lived and started a series of scary and dangerous antics.

Just this Friday after Thanksgiving, Terrible Toby went to Dan's house, entered by the side door and stole a leftover Turkey leg from Dan's refrigerator:


Dan's wife, Puspa, happened to walk in at the time and screamed, waking Dan up and rushing into the kitchen. "TOBY!! Take the turkey leg and get the hell out of my house! Next time it's gonna be a bullet in your backside." They lock all their doors now, have put in security cameras that are motion sensitive, and connected to their home computer. But when they check the cameras, there's Terrible Toby grimacing behind the bushes. So Dan sends the dogs out every few hours on attack mode to do a securing of the perimeters.

Terrible Toby has backed off for the moment, and in his more sane moments he gets on his computer and updates his website. It is a dating service for fellow clowns he met at clown counseling, which is mandatory for his completing a 2 year probation for stalking Dan. It has proven to be lucrative for him and has landed him a girlfriend that is serving 15 years for attempted murder. Here is his ad:

Dan Simonis: Rodeo Romeo

Before there were the boys of Jackass, there was the Texas Rodeo. Everybody from the surrounding ranches gather round, drinking lone star beer and try to coerce a poor sap through double dare or a lost bet to get on a bull, and is told, “all ya got to do is stay on for 8 seconds and you can get off”

Then again, there is the Rodeo Romeo, who is looking to impress the prettiest Cowgirl in the crowd, or was pressured by their girlfriend/wife. That was the case when Dan’s wife, Puspa, wanted him to show how much he loved her through bull riding.

Everybody watches, half snickering, others held in shock and awe as Dan TIES himself to the wildebeest and gets ready for the ride of his life. They spring open the gate and the bull goes into Mike Tyson mode, wanting blood from the unnatural object on his back. You shake your head when you see a relatively healthy body get hurled, kicked, stomped and any other horrors that can be inflicted by a bull. “Serves him right, the damn fool” you hear from the crowd; and as Dan is carried off on a stretcher, Puspa goes for another beer and the rest of the crowd gets closer to the rail for the next cowboy. This one makes it to the 8 and jumps off in time and all yell “Yeeeee Haaaww!!!” then they pack a fresh batch of dip in the lip.

There’s something morbid about the human condition, it is shown in the Roman arena all the way up to NASCAR, people want to see crazy crashes/clashes. And Texas is proud to carry the torch between them.