Vinyl Dan

The test begins, starting by Dan nurturing the cleaning process of the album with cleaner and swab. Then he meticoulusly takes the arm and cleans the needle from any foreign substance of dust. He drops the needle and begins to close his eyes as Fleetwood Mac fills the room via a 1976 Marantz amplifier. "Yes....can you hear it? That warm sound of vinyl. You don't get that from mp3" He then switches over to his mp3 of techno jam, and he points out how bright and empty it sounds.
He continues, "In the early days of recording, most recording studios used big monitor speakers almost exclusively. Unfortunately, they also required high powered amplifiers and expensive acoustic treatment (often poorly done) of the entire control room. Still, a well-constructed big monitoring system really was impressive to listen to, a fact not overlooked by the studio owners who wanted to impress the record company executives who paid for the big studio's time. These big systems had big level control knobs, and clients enjoyed "cranking-up" the volume.
Fortunately, recording engineers and producers eventually learned that this was not the best way to accurately mix music because it wasn't the way people listened to their radios, cassettes and CD players (metal heads excepted). Also, big monitor systems and the costs for the required control room acoustic treatments were going through the roof (no pun intended), particularly beyond the budget limits of smaller project and home studios which were growing in numbers. A new way of accurate monitoring was needed: near-field monitoring."

Spoken like a gentleman, Dan. Well, he continued to admire his P.A. system and turned up the volume, grinning like a kid at Christmas, with the windows vibrating precariously. Yes, Dan was in hog heaven, reliving a forgotten art of stereo equipment manipulation. When I left him, he had a Johnny Cash album cued and ready to go. Rock on D.J. Dan, rock on...

The Art of Clarifying Your Point In Texas

One of Dan's Cousins is a Deputy Sheriff in Houston Texas. Here's how he clarifies things:

A lawyer runs a stop sign and is pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy is because he is a lawyer and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston , TX . He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.

The deputy says, 'License and registration, please.'

'What for?' says the lawyer...

The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'

Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'

'You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License and registration, please!'

The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'

'The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!' the Deputy repeats..

Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket... If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'

'That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, 'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?'

Any Questions?

Dan goes a huntin

With his shotgun in hand, Dan works his way on the bank of the Red River. He was checking into some business in Vernon, Texas and had a break to do some hunting. Quail is good fare in these parts, and he was going to get his share. It was 24 degrees, the sun was almost coming up. In the clearing he spotted about 20 quail. Quietly he raised his gun, exhaled, and pulled the trigger. A complete miss, he cursed and started walking again. He had taken a canoe down this Red River, going down 30 of the 1,360 miles it covers. It was quite a trip, but today he enjoyed the walk.

This time he spotted a mallard, crouched down made his aim and shot. He shot and dropped the bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.As Dan climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked Dan what he was doing.

Dan responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and your not coming over here." Dan was getting upset and replied. "If you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything that you own.

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in these parts. We settle small disagreements like this, with the Three Kick Rule."

The Dan asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?" The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth until someone gives up." Dan quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly gets down from the tractor and walked up to Dan. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into Dan's groin, which dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly ripped the nose off his face.

Dan was flat on his belly, when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly causing him to give up, but didn't. Dan summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up, You can keep the duck!"

The Nightmare

37 black! 37 black! ahhh noooo! THIRTY SEVEN BLACK!!!

Dan bolts straight up in bed, covered in sweat, shaking uncontrollably. "The dream again?" asked Puspa. "Wha? uh oh yeah, the dream...again" Dan answered. It happened again over the Thanksgiving weekend, as it always has happened over 15 years now. He can't seem to shake it because he is still living with black 37 to this day.

Dan and the boys were at their top top, where bands only visit once, maybe twice in their career. They had been playing the Sands in Las Vegas, getting top billing with David Lee Roth. They had an ongoing gig for the next 6 months, and they were filling every fantasy with each payday check. When they were not playing, Dan would go to the slot machines, not wanting to get into an addiction with gambling, and play a few innocent rounds of the one armed bandit.

He would quit when his pocket of quarters ran empty, that was his rule, and not play again until next payday. The other guys dove all the way in, playing the roulette wheel, black Jack and straight up poker. Some of them were getting rather lucky, pulling in 4 to 5 g's a week. It could have been a set up, making sure the house band was happy. Either way, it started to affect Dan, seeing that he was the headliner, and his back up band were getting an extra stipen through gambling. So one day Dan moved up to the roulette wheel. 4 hours later, Dan walked away with 6,940 dollars.

Time goes on, they had completed their 6 month contract and they wanted one last night of gambling. Dan had wins and losses, as well as the other band members. David Lee Roth warned Dan that he should check himself, that he could get burned. Dan just laughed and bought David a toupee. Back at the table, Dan set up for a long night, as well as the band. They had made a bet amongst themselves, whoever won the most that night won 5,000 from the others. Dan was doing well, but the poker table was buzzing about the amount the band members were putting up on bids. Things were getting frantic, high wins and some devastating losses. That only spurred them on, which makes for rash decisions.

Then it happened, almost too coincidental, all at once. 3 band members went bankrupt on blackjack, the drummer busted on Texas Hold 'em, and Dan was signing over the Cadillac to play 37 black on the roulette table. 37, his age, that he thought was lucky. Fact is, it was his greatest year to be alive. He had everything...everything until that last spin of the wheel. "37 black, 37 black, common 37 black" repeated Dan. The rest of the band began to accumulate around him, totally broke, and watched the wheel. They did not know how bad he was losing, they did not want to let it be known that they were flat broke. 37 black! 37 black! 37 blaaaaaachhkk...

Now sobbing, Dan simply kept repeating "37 black". A complete breakdown. How did it get this far? How did he lose control? He knew what he had to do, and he hated thinking about doing it, but it had to be done. Dan called Colonel Bret Austin, told him the whole story, and the Colonel was on his jet the next morning. The good Colonel bought back the Cadillac, had his accountant tally the damages, and discovered that none of the West Texas Millionaires had filed taxes on the monies earned over the past 6 months of playing the Sands. That totaled 1.6 million dollars altogether.

The Colonel penned an agreement that is still binding today. He absorbed the cost, on the condition that they work off their debt by releasing 6 albums over 20 years, including a rigorous tour schedule, no gambling for the duration, undertaking breathalyzer tests during shows and every day they must make time to listen to one hour of Rush Limbaugh.

Dan is still reeling from the night mare, but had to get up and start his day. He makes a latte to go, slobs some peanut butter on toast and out the door he goes. The Cadillac starts up with a purr, and as we see that beautiful white Cadillac go out of the driveway, you can faintly hear the car radio crackle with the voice of Rush Limbaugh preaching the morals of a good American...

Texas Radio

It finally happened, West Texas Millionaires now have their own radio show, and it is very exciting to have this avenue on the internet, as we have yet another way of entertaining your senses through the ear canal. Not since Dan broadcasted over the cb airwaves back in the late 70's to traveling truck drivers has he had this great opportunity to share his music to the masses.

We are going to prepare our next program so that everyone has an opportunity to call in and ask Dan some questions about his upcoming album/cd, and to inquire into his other interests, like going to the Bonneville salt flats, and his interest in Nudie western ware.

So keep checking our blog for the next show, slated for Saturday at 12 noon Arizona time, which will make it 8pm in Europe, so you can enjoy the show before bedtime. We really appreciate your support in reading our blogs and that you have an interest in Americana/Western music that made such an impact on American culture.

Get Along Little Doggy

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Sometimes when your band is on tour for an extended period of time, the stress of the road starts wearing down on you and ends up in words not meaning to be said, resulting in feelings being hurt, and facial structures being altered. The West Texas Millionaires had been on the US tour for a year and eight months in 1989, had broken into the top 50 country charts, and the boys were each worth over 400 grand. Despite all this, they needed to let off some steam and relax, and Dan knew the exact refuge to escape too.

They were near Abilene Texas, where a relative of his named Earl Simonis had an interesting ranch which got out of the cattle business, due to the drop in beef prices, for a new product: herding foxhounds. Yep, it's a lucrative business, raising them from pups, running them across the range to learn the scents of the land, then sell them to customers mainly in Manassas Virginia to hunt.

Earl Simonis is a well known fox hound handling expert, who for many years has practiced and taught low stress methods for moving fox hounds on Texas Praries. The Earl Simonis methods of calm, slow movement of fox hounds on pastures can be defined as a stimulus-response relationship.

The day starts early, Dan and the boys finished up breakfast and saddled up, yelling and whistling to get the dogs started. They cover the east quarter of the 500 acre ranch till the dogs reach the first water tank for a brief break. Then its off to the north quarter, which can cause the dogs to stray and therein a cowboy has to round up those that got off the trail.

Lunch time, and Dan is wiping the sweat off his forehead, tired, dusty, and needing to refill his canteen to get the raw throat tender again. A bite of beef jerky and their off again. They are behind schedule, so the boys are going to have to push the fox hounds hard to make it to the west end of the ranch to bed down for the night. Whoopin and a hollerin they finally make it to the water tank and just in time too, the herd has spent their energy, and the boys dont want to lose too much weight off of the herd.

After the pack has been feed and watered, the boys then get their vittles cooking: fat back with pinto beans with salt water cornbread. As the sun starts to go down, Dan gets out his guitar, begins to sing his favorite trail song, and as he gets into the high range of the chorus, the whole herd of Fox hounds join in, howling in unison into the late hours of the night's full moon. It does'nt get any better than this.

Scariest Story Ever Told

One night a woman went out for drinks with her girlfriends. She left the bar fairly late at night, got in her car and onto the deserted highway. She noticed a lone pair of headlights in her rear-view mirror, approaching at a pace just slightly quicker than hers. As the car pulled up behind her she glanced and saw the turn signal on — the car was going to pass — when suddenly it swerved back behind her, pulled up dangerously close to her tailgate and the brights flashed.

Now she was getting nervous. The lights dimmed for a moment and then the brights came back on and the car behind her surged forward. The frightened woman struggled to keep her eyes on the road and fought the urge to look at the car behind her. Finally, her exit approached but the car continued to follow, flashing the brights periodically.

Through every stoplight and turn, it followed her until she pulled into her driveway. She figured her only hope was to make a mad dash into the house and call the police. As she flew from the car, so did the driver of the car behind her — and he screamed, "Lock the door and call the police! Call 911!"

When the police arrived the horrible truth was finally revealed to the woman. The man in the car had been trying to save her. As he pulled up behind her and his headlights illuminated her car, he saw the silhouette of a man with a butcher knife rising up from the back seat to stab her, so he flashed his brights and the figure crouched back down. That hero was Dan Simonis. The killer was the ghost of Elvis. Go figure...

Moral of the story: always have a designated driver.
Happy Halloween!

The Story Continues: Enter Colonel Bret Austin

So far, we have seen Dan's history, starting from ol' grandad's sandbar paradise, to his first gig in Midland Texas. Now we see what started his next phase that propelled him to the stars. Enter Colonel Bret Austin. Who is this man dressed in white? Who was this man that gave the Millionaires their big break? "Colonel" was a moniker given to him because he knew how to commandeer a car lot, driving his salesmen harder and harder every day. This was very impressive for such a young man who was a veteran. He would start the new recruits at his Bonneville Bootcamp, where they had to prove themselves by selling more Pontiac Bonnevilles than the other "motor maggots". Oh he was cruel, making them dress full kilt in business suits, requiring them to have a full set of 6 suits for the workweek.

Fights would break out, jealousy was abound in the competition, but in the end, 2 of the 10 candidates would emerge ahead of the pack to acend to the Cadillac department in Del Rio, Texas, next to the infamous Laughlin Air Force Base. At a dance at the American Legion in Del Rio, Bret saw Dan for the first time. He was impressed with Dan's band, now numbering 4. The band was tight and they kept a suave' image. Dan had the band going as he went through the song list, and at the end of the third set, Bret approached him.

He offered Dan a deal to record his songs, promote the album through connections in radio, and a tour that would secure the investment to render a profit that would satisfy both parties. Residuals would be determined upon the initial responses. He had big ties in the tiny town of Del Rio due to the Air Force Base. Entertainers would perform at Laughlin and buy his Cadillacs at a better price than Los Angeles or New York. Now he could double down on this business relationship to promote a band. The Nevada elite loved him, praised him for his Cadillacs.

However, locals had their opinions of Bret:

He’s on a first-name basis with the bottom of the deck.
There are a lot of nooses in his family tree.
So crooked that if he swallowed a nail he’d spit up a corkscrew.
So crooked you can’t tell from his tracks if he’s coming or going.
He knows more ways to take your money than a roomful of lawyers.
Crooked as a dog’s hind leg.
Crooked as the Brazos.
Slicker than a slop jar.
More twists than a pretzel factory.
Crooked as a barrel of fish hooks.
So crooked he has to unscrew his britches at night.

Dan didn't care, didn't listen to the naysayers, he grabbed the pen and signed the contract. The best part of the deal was that he was going to get a brand new 1986 Cadillac! So Dan and the band went into the studio and cut the first album, got interviews with tv and radio, ran a 12 month tour across the US and filmed a short for a private movie production firm owned partially by Bret of their live performances. They put more miles on that Caddy, with a trailor for equipment on back, than they could imagine.

But Dan could not feel more alive than at this time. The band also felt the same, getting out of Langtry/Del Rio was a major step forward. Yep the world was theirs:

The Singing Cowboy

Around the campfire, the original cowboys sang of life on the trail with all the challengers, hardships and dangers encountered while pushing cattle for miles up the trails that headed north. The earliest collections of cowboy songs are credited to Nathan Howard Thorp, whose Songs of the Cowboy in 1908 is reckoned to be the first, and John Avery Lomax, whose 1910 collection, Cowboy Songs and Other Frontier Ballads, collected for the first time many songs that are now among the best known of the genre.
One of those popular songs was “The Strawberry Roan” here sung by Marty Robbins:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3BkHtlSYR4

Much of what is included in the genre of "cowboy music" is "traditional", and by the 1930's things got fancy-like with a number of songs have been written and made famous by groups like the Sons of the Pioneers and Riders in the Sky and individual performers such as Gene Autry, Roy Rogers, Michael Martin Murphy and other "singing cowboys." Singing in the wrangler style, these entertainers have served to preserve the cowboy as a unique American hero through their movies.

Where’s the Singing Cowboy today? Oh, there a few, like Kim O’Conner out of Fort Worth, Andy Hersey, and...our own Dan Simonis. Back before he got all Cadillac fancy he was a die hard Singing Cowboy, and all the money and cars and the gambling habits did not yet have their way with him. Songs like “Long Way Down” expresses that he knew the dangers of these vices, and saw take other Singing Cowboys down.

But when you play in mud, your gonna get dirty. But he still has the core of the Singing Cowboy deep in his heart, it’s just covered with sequins and hidden under Nudie shirts. Sometimes you need a little cow dung on your boots to bring you back to basics. A couple of days on the trail to remind you of the hungry years. But you can have your cake and eat it too, the greats like Gene Autry, Roy Rogers and others paved the way and built the foundations for other Singing Cowboys like Dan to fill their shoes. So to keep grounded, Dan drove the Cadillac out to Boot Strap Ranch, where a fella can brand some cattle, feel the sweat on the brow and become inspired yet again:


The air is crisp, the branding iron is turning red, and Dan is getting back to the days of Langtry, when the music soothed a weary cowhand...

A Nudie creation by Jaime for Dan Simonis

Dan was in Los Angeles checking on the final mixing at Lurssen Mastering Labs, and since he was already in the neighborhood, he decided to pay a visit Jaime, who came to Los Angeles in 1974, to become the shirt and pants maker at Nudie’s Rodeo Tailors. When Manuel Cuevas opened his own studio, Jaime made the move and became Manuel’s head tailor for 16 years.
Choosing to stay behind in California with his family, while Manuel moved his studio to Nashville in the early nineties, Jaime opened his own studio and created his signature label in 1994.
So Dan gave Jaime the specifications of what he wanted, some curvy musical staffs going across his chest and other items that would make it signature Dan. He tried it on and it was like a second skin, and he thanked Jaime profusely and paid in full.

Tonight at Manuel's Restaurant: Dan Simonis

It was October 1979, Dan and then friend Rupert Bagsley had been working all summer on cover tunes to compile 3 45-minute sets. The played classic Roy Orbison, Willie and Waylon, and the song "Every which way but loose" by some new guy named Eddie Rabbit. Eddie Rabbit? What country singer would put that lame name out there? You shoot rabbits, not listen to them sing. But Dan had that voice down to a tee.
Any way, this was to be Dan's very first paying gig. He had tested the waters at BBQ's and such, but he wanted more than free ribs and beer. He and Rupert recorded all the sets and gave it to Angelo Rodriguez, another friend who moved away from Langtry to get a job in Odessa at Manuel's Tortilla and Tamale Factory. The owner also had a restaurant down the street, which played live music every Saturday night.
The owner liked their sound, except for the Eddie Rabbit song, and inked a deal for that weekend. Dan was ecstatic, and that afternoon he and Rupert loaded up their equipment into their recently bought used hearse, that was great on getting all the equipment in, but lousey on gas.
They met the owner at the restaurant, and he treated them to anything off the menu before taking the stage. The waitress came over, made eyes at Dan, and recommended the "Puffy Taco", which he did while being mesmerised by her eyes. Then it started. They made hard eye contact, Marty Robbins "El Paso" started playing over the restaurant sound system and Dan was falling, falling over this beautiful Latina Lilly.
They ate, got ready to play and the people at the bar really started to like them. First set, done, took a break, got a beer and made contact again with her. Name was Hallveig. Hallveig? "Yes" she said, "My dad was Norwegian, and mother was Spanish. They met at the officers club and later got married. I am named after his Aunt."
Ooookayy. Second set going well, except for boo's on "I love a rainy night". Dan made a mental note to ditch the Rabbit droppings. Stayed cool and on course to the end of the set with a round of applause. Took a break, Hallveig comes up to the bar to fill an order. Dan is thinking fast, how to get to the next step, ask her out, where to go? "Would you like to go somewhere after this?" Dan stumbled. "Sure. I get off at 10pm when you finish your last set. Be there" Yes, yes!....no! where are we going? What to do with Rupert? Rupert saw this coming way ahead and said he could go to Angelo's place while Dan cruised with Hallveig....in the hearse....
Third set, Dan played fast and fierce, wanting to get to the finish line, they did the 45 minute set in 15, like a Ramones concert; and they did it to a standing ovation. Thanked the manager, took the money, split it with Rupert, packed the hearse (that does'nt sound right), and Dan and Hallveig were off into the night. He needed to find a spot to make out with her and took the next feasible turn. Looked promising, no people, cars. She instructed him to take the next left and park. All was going as planned, and they got into the back seat of the hearse for making out. Dan was in heaven, until a floodlight filled the front windsheild. Odessa Sheriffs car was in front. Imagine the Sheriff's reaction to see a hearse parked at the entrance of Sunset Memorial Gardens cemetery with two kids making out in a hearse. Little did Dan know that he started a Goth tradition...
Sheriff checked license and registration, told Dan to take her home and go back to Langtry.
Dan and Rupert left Odessa for a long ride back to Langtry. Of the 40 dollars they were paid, 30 was spent on gas to get back. He would never forget the raven haired, blue eyed contessa. One of many lonely road trips he would make in the future music business with the West Texas Millionaires...

Dan's First Fight

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There are many rites of passage for young boys growing up in Texas, and one of the most important is the first fist fight. You stand your ground, feel nauseous, and wonder just how bad it will hurt. But you end up acting on sheer impulse. And so it was with Dan on his first year as a freshman of Langtry Prepartory Academy

The year was 1973, when all that experimental learning was taking place. Langtry Preparatory Academy prided itself in providing a positive academic environment that allows the students to think and progress socially and academically. Students are not limited to traditional grade levels; they have the freedom to complete lessons / courses as rapidly as they choose. Because of the nonthreatening, intimate surroundings, the student is afforded the opportunity to learn how to learn. Langtry Preparatory Academy’s staff make every effort to facilitate optimum learning. The nontraditional student needs to find his/her own comfort zone where learning is possible and even desirable. A student is not hindered by staying with a particular group, as in the public system. An individual’s learning style is honored, as long as it does not interfere with others....

And that, my friend, is how you describe lame. This would be the beginning of the end for Dan's motivation to finish anything dealing with education. He would later attend the same format in college, which burned up an easy 3 years with no results and invested money from Ma and Pa. But I digress, this is about fighting. Dan's minion was named Gilbert Jackson, a Junior with a nasty habit of chewing his nails, rendering a foul breath from his mouth. He would tag Dan's head on the Physical Ed playground, where they were engaged in a game of volleyball. Did I say this was experimental learning? That was the only option, other than playing croquet.

Dan had enough of this knuckle head sandwich, and on a cold October morning, he made his stand. Gilbert was about to deliver his famous cauliflowered ear fist when Dan responded, delivering a well placed punch to Gilberts left temple. Stunned, but not flattened, Gilbert grabbed Dan and proceeded to sit on his head. This was not good, and the other kids knew what came next. Yep, raspberry city, with Dan turning a whiter shade of pale, but managed to break away for another shot to Gilberts head. This one landed on the chin, and if you know anything about fighting, you know that when you land on solid rock, both you and the opponent feel the pain. Dan winched, trying to shake off the throbbing from his fingers... very very embarrassing.

Stay in control, don't do it, please don't do it....dammit...too late......the tears are there...Quick!...Do something!! Dan saved face and managed to get Gilbert in a full Nelson. Dan was big for his age which helped in the matter. Gilbert had to relent, had to declare defeat, which was made easier when Mr. Deerborne, Phys Ed. facilitator, and broke it up. Both boys played it off as if they were conducting a wrestling match, which resulted in Mr. Deerborne penalizing Dan for unecessary roughness, which he called using the example in frame #20 shown above. I don't know about you, but anybody that would use that to illustrate "unnecessary roughness" needs to be put in a full Nelson. Anyway, Dan was kept after school for one hour. Still, it was his victory, and from that day forward held his own.

The Story Continues

It's 1976, summer in Langtry, nothing, absolutely nothing to do, once again, for the kids of Langtry. Oh yeah, there is the river, blah blah blah. How many times can you make something exciting about a stupid river that has nothing to offer except cool in August.
Dan Simonis, age 17, is sitting on the front porch playing a Sears guitar, his first song, "Making out with Maggie" one of five girls in Langtry his age. They made out when they went over with the whole school class to Wright's Steak House, a good two hours away from Langtry, to share a steak.
But it was also at that time that Roger Thorenson came out to Langtry from California to visit his Dad. The divorce settlement required that he had equal time with his father in Texas, as well with his mother in California. He completely hated it, every summer he would have well spent in Cali in school, than spend his time in a void of any entertainment. He also played guitar, and met Dan at the Langtry post office:


Roger's dad was expecting a check from the Veterans of the VietNam War, and he was going to get a better guitar from that check.
Both boys met there and started exchanging info, how Cali was better than Tex, how music sucked in Texas compared to the upcoming rock and roll in California. Dan disagreed and was later proven right..
Anyhow, the boys talked amongst themselves and the two put on a great show that caused GIRLS to come around to listen to them.
Afterwards, the two got together and recorded the song "Making out with Maggie", that would send them into the Langtry Fall Fest to number one of the top 3 records.

The Story continues

Jonas Simonis, born 1930, was a lucky lad born into one of the most money laden family in Texas. They had built their fortune on a sand bar separating Texas and Mexico, allowing them to go tax free for most of the 19th century, giving them money trade on both sides of the border.
But alas, the Internal Revenue Agency played the ace against them and forced them to move on shore of Texas soil, took their cattle in back taxes and made them earn an honest living...of sorts...
Jonas found his revenge in buying an oil rig with what was left of his fortune, and began marketing the snake oil of the 20th century-petroleum jelly.
He had made contact with Robert Chesebrough, a young chemist whose previous work of distilling fuel from the oil of sperm whales had been rendered obsolete by petroleum, went to Titusville to see what new materials had commercial potential. Chesebrough took the unrefined black "rod wax", as the drillers called it, back to his laboratory to refine it and explore potential uses.
He did not consider the black gold of any worth, but used that revenue to market the medical elixer to all of America in the mid 1940's, that made the war effort a lot more successful in treating herpes and other skin diseases that affected the skin. During World War II, a variety of petroleum jelly called dark red veterinary petroleum jelly was often included in life raft survival kits. Acting as a sunscreen, it provides protection against ultraviolet rays
He furthered his fortune by expanding into the animal kingdom and marketed the benefits for pets which included stopping fungi from developing on aquatic turtles' shells and keeping cats from making messes when they cough up furballs.
By the time 1959 arrived, Dan Simonis was guaranteed a life of luxury left to him by his father, the lube king of the midwest, who cornered the market of the cosmetic industry. Nothing would match it until Mary Kay came onto the scene. But Dan had other ideas of his own, playing in the back yard with his ukelele, making simple tunes to pass the dull days of summer in the west Texas heat, depleted of any visual or audio stimulas, he struggled to entertain himself. And it paid off eventually. The story continues...

We Appreciate Your Business

The West Texas Millionaires hope you enjoy our Tall Texas Tales and other stories about the boys, and would like to encourage you to buy the cd located at our site:

http://westtexasmillionaires.com/music.html

You will enjoy an array of Americana style music and story telling lyrics that will leave you wanting to listen again.

Texas Tall Tales

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE TEXAN WHO GAVE HIS SON A fancy new cowboy outfit? It was a 200,000-acre ranch.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE TEXAN WHO WAS VERY RICH AND VERY SHORT? Instead of wearing elevator shoes, he just had the state lowered.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE TEXAN WHO CAME INTO HIS FORTUNE THROUGH a stroke of luck? His uncle had a stroke and left him everything.

The History Begins

It all begins in 1884, When Ben Semonis moves from Illinois, to marry Elizabeth in Langtry, Texas, at the Jersey Lilly Saloon court room and pool hall. There was so much disregard on where the border was between the US and Mexico that Ben set up his homestead on the Maher-Fitzsimmons sandbar, ten years before the namesakes creation. He no longer had to pay taxes, and gained a large sum of money for the family to gain acreage for raising cattle.
Investments grew, and then technology, and Ben's son Carvel bought the first tower called an oil rig, and began drawing crude from the sand bar, earning the family thousands of dollars. Carvel kept dredging sand towards the sandbar to create more "land" for the family, and soon reached 20 acres of sandbar in the river. People were catching on, and forced him stop the process, due to the damming of the river with the original property and the 12 acres of oil rigs and cattle. By 1930, Jonas Simonis, Dan's father, was born into one of the great fortunes of West Texas legend. The story continues....

Texas Tall Tales

A man owned a small ranch near San Antonio . The Texas Dept of Labor claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.. "Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board . Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally." "That's the guy I want to talk to .. the half-wit," says the agent. "That would be me," replied the Rancher.

Flxible Bus for Sale?

It's always a hard decision when letting go of your favorite vehicle, and it is the present turmoil attacking Dan....time to get a new tour Bus.
"You reminisce the lean years, when it took you to literally your next meal. The gigs you had to meet, sometimes 2 days travel time. Every one that bus made it....every one...." Dan is getting teary eyed as he tries to speak it out. So many memories
"I mean....sniff....how can you put a price on that......sniff.....I'm sorry....can't...talk...now"

It's ok Dan, we put the sign up for you, and I am sure we will find the right owner for it. It's time now to look forward, to see the light on the horizon, to boldly go where.....I think you get it:













Take this beauty for instance, fully restored and and de-fleaed, it is but one option on the lot at Langtry Luxury Limos, who also carry these beauties:



But Dan has his eye on a fixer upper:




You see, Dan worked as a roady for The Texas Top Hands when he was 16. They gave him his first beer, Lone Star, and got him hooked up with one of the groupies who was 18. Yes, that is what caused him to get his own bus, the great times he had....yeah.....
But now, Dan has to get on board and find a new bus so the band can make some upcoming dates for the tour, places like Macdona Shooting Club, near San Antonio; Poteet Strawberry Festival, State Fair of Texas^qv in Dallas; Southwestern Exposition and Livestock Show^qv in Fort Worth; the Stompede and Rodeo in Bandera, Buccaneer Days in Corpus Christi; the Oil Show in Odessa, the Wool Show and Rodeo in San Angelo, the Stockman's Ball in Laredo, the Peanut Festival in Floresville, the Watermelon Jubilee in Stockdale, the Horse Show and Fair in Junction, and last but not least the rodeo in El Paso.
So anyway, he searched and searched and finally found the bus on the internet. It is still kinda iffy, its in worse shape than the present one, but he can't shake it. However, if you know of a flxible bus enthusiast that has one for sale contact Dan at dansimonis@gmail.com.

West Texas Millionaire Dan Simonis considers offer from California Cryobank

A California fertility company whose anonymous sperm donors bear uncanny resemblances to the prince, the swim god and other men of note has extended an offer to Dan Simonis of the West Texas Millionaires an undisclosed amount of money for him to be a donor to their Look-A-Like service.

"It's very tempting, and is an amount that equals a years wage" Dan commented.

California Cryobank's Donor Look-A-Likes service offers would-be parents the chance to search for prospective donors based on which famous face the sperm donor most closely resembles.

The names most frequently searched for on the Web site, Browne said, include actors Paul Walker, Ben Affleck and Scott Caan, and jocks Luke Walton, Jeremy Shockey and Brett Favre.

The company has recently become interested in Dan Simonis, after he and the band were out on tour and the interest Dan generated among the fans. "He is a study in what the classic cowboys like John Wayne and other greats had in the days of early movies. We knew we had to get that look that is rarely seen these days at other DNA match up centers."

California Cryobank is set to be fully operational within two months at a Park Ave. space, where potential sperm donors can go through a rigorous health and history screening process before finding out which celebrity they most closely resemble.

"I'm looking forward to working with them, they stated that there is the potential of needing up to 20 donations per week. I'll try my best to keep up to that goal, I know it's going to take alot out me, but I'm a trooper, I'm doing it to keep Americana alive and well"

It will also be interesting to see "copies" of Dan running around playgrounds all across America and Canada, all happy and yodelling....

West Texas Millionaires Forced to Liquidate Cattle for cd/tour

It was hard for Dan to liquidate his long time family run cattle business by half, due to the cost of his upcoming cd/tour. "I still have the costs of running it by the mixing crew in L.A. along with the art work and the expenses of my tour schedule and band members, not to mention the outrageous fees my public relations person, Gary LaForge, is scalping me for..."
But it had to be done, the cash market for live cattle was slightly higher when comparing the July price from Worthing to the June price from the Dan Simonis' Stockyards. The cash price tables now include an average price for slaughter steers and cull cows from the Dan Simonis Regional Livestock auction in Langtry. Quotes for culls graded premium white have been sporadic. The weekly stocker cattle prices were seasonally volatile during July and early August on thin trading volume.
So off to slaughter they go before the price falls again, Gary is keeping an eye on the situation to make sure all goes flawlessly in the auction pit, keeping a key ear to the auctioneer so that Simonis gets the highest bid. This process can take up to 12 hours of watching, but Gary is the man for the job.

West Texas MillionairesTest cd on Primates

Back at general headquarters in North Dallas, Dan Simonis reviews his options on the release of his new cd. Going over Customer surveys and music sampling of double blind testing audio, they have compiled the most comprehensive consumer response data equaled only by NASA. The results? Need more data.

And in gathering such relative minutia they will require the expertise of bonobos handler German anatomist Ernst Schwarz II whose father is credited with having discovered the Bonobo in 1928.

This primate is mainly frugivorous, but supplements its diet with leaves and hunts for meat from lower order primates, or that of small vertebrates, such as flying squirrels and duikers and invertebrates. Bonobos have also been known to practice cannibalism in captivity.

And that is where they play a vital part in packaging The West Texas Millionaires next album. You see, country music is not for the faint of heart, and recent observations in the wild indicate that the males among the related Common Chimpanzee communities are extraordinarily hostile to males from outside of the community.

Schwarz observed, however, that while West Texas Millionaire music was being played over loudspeakers in the the housing cages, that the male bonobos were actually reverting to docile behavior unlike their nature. Continuing tests will prove that Dan's music can tame the savage beast that shares 98% of human DNA.

The following footage is after 2 hours of Dan's recordings that included the classsic "Singing the cattle call" by Eddie Arnold:(click on "Eddie Arnold")

You can hear the obvious mimicking of that song by these gibbons. The research continues, and the ultimate effort is to put the most peaceful country album (click on "country album) out on the market, to quell the ongoing problem of bar room brawls that plague our nation. Now is the time that we need to come together and enjoy music for its richness in culture, and not be the sound track for a country mosh pit. Keep up the great research, and give a high five to those bonobos for us.

West Texas Millionaires Consider Cadillac Ranch Makeover

Dan was feeling patriotic, and was thinking just how he could give back to the community that has given him so much. He is now in route to the Cadillac ranch to offer Stanely Marsh 3 a restoration project for his Cadillac Ranch. "It just seems sad to see a part of our Americana wasting away in the Earth, a symbol of American style and class. I would like to see that they get a good makeover to take them off the "Clunker List".
He has made an estimate for Stan, and will do some logistics on repainting, and getting the dents taken out, thanks to Gilbert Bulger, of Langtry car and body. "I would think that it will take 25 to 30 years to do, but we are getting some good grants written up to dip into that TARP bill." Good job Dan, that's making sense out of another Obomba program.

Dan induces meteor shower

While Bisbee is being blessed by rain all night long and into the day, our beloved astronomer Dan Simonis is in Germany doing research of the Perseid Meteor shower. By observing and then playing his guitar, he has telepathically induced more activity than is usually seen. He honed this craft while attending a class in astronomy at the U of A back in 1979 when he was seriously considering it as a career:

The Young Simonis graduated Summa Cum Laude in Astronomy, but after noticing how he could affect the physical universe with his guitar playing one night, he decided that the power he wielded, must be developed, so he put astronomy on the back burner and stayed with the guitar.

This meteor shower is particularly well known because so many people are out camping during this period. For many of us, the highlight of the family camping trip was lying on our backs all night watching for “shooting stars” and being well rewarded for our vigilance.

Last night Dan was at it again, and the Perseid Meteor Shower produced an above average number of shooting stars. A crowd gathered to listen and watch the powers that be, and enjoyed the light show in the crisp night air of Germany.

Saturday Night Radio

Well, its Saturday night and Dan and the boys really want to get the new cd on the air, but have to wait till all the red tape is done with the record people and produces and what not. Or do they?.....
Back in the day, Dan was dreaming of the big time, of getting into his car and when he turned on the radio he would hear his song. Yeh, it was some dream, but then he had an idea.
Dan was living in Langtry in 1978 and was the proud owner of a 1963, P&H Spitfire mobile amplifier which used six, 12JB6 sweep tubes. It was still the hottest base station cb in all of Langtry and then some. Output was about 500 watts PEP. With a 50 foot tower, he could talk from his living room to people as far away as California on a good clear night. One thing was for sure, truckers on highway 90 heard him loud and clear, as well as truckers on highway 10, a good 150 miles away.
Well, one night he got his cb base station heated up and took his guitar, plugged into the amp and commenced to key down and play his originals. After each song he would key up to get the truckers response and not "stomp" on the channel. Well, the truckers really liked what they heard and so he would play another song, get the review and continue. Well that was good entertainment for truckers taking that long lonely highway with absolutely nothing around for miles, and that means radio stations as well. So Dan got popular for his Saturday night radio show.
30 years later, he is sitting at a friends house who has a 1000 watt linear base station and a 100 foot tower. The boys are all tuned up and are about to key down again! I hope the truckers are going to welcome KWTM to channel 18 on the dial...

"Possum Puspa"

This is the story of a fine fraulein from Fredericksburg. Her name is Puspa, and here’s the tale of her gettin the nickname, “Possum Puspa”.
You see, Puspa was a hard working girl in that Texas town, got good grades, worked part time at the Lady Bird Johnson Municipal RV Park, and on a Saturday night would party just as hard at Skooters Road House out on highway 87.
Well, as usual, she was ready to have a couple of longnecks and get out to boot scoot the night away, and at first all went well. But there had been an ongoing fuss between her and Bertha, now the bar maid but once school friends with Puspa. Bertha blamed Puspa for taking her boyfriend, Lucas, away from her, but that just was not the case. Lucus just felt they needed time apart for awhile...but the truth was she had been adding a little too much beer and sausage to her diet.
Well, when she found out the truth, she really pounded down the Rote Grütze followed by a Heineken chaser.
Bitter and bloated, Bertha always carded Puspa whenever she ordered a beer. And Bertha would wait just before the slow dance to have her now boyfriend and bouncer Max remove Puspa from the premise stating she had too much to drink.
Well, this time was going to be different. Puspa was ready for this, and had a plan. It was approaching the golden hour of 9pm when they played the slow stuff. Puspa threw back 2 shots of whisky for courage and waited for the inevitable gorgeous guy to ask her to dance. This night it was Dan Simonis. She never had seen him before and she got moonstruck. “This one’s gonna be my Lone Star” she said.
Well, just as they were making their way to the dance floor, Bertha noticed how enthraled Puspa was and knew she had to ruin it. “Max! Floor!” she screamed. Puspa heard the cue, knew it was the exit mode, but desperately did not want to leave Dan’s arms. But she did, grabbed an empty bottle, and made her way to Bertha.
The bottle made its mark, but there was plenty of pudding padding on her forehead to just daze her a little. She came around the bar to grab Puspa. Someone yelled "Look out!" but it was too late. By the time Bertha got around the bar, Puspa jumped on her back and dug all ten claws into her bleached blonde hair. The flying tackle sent Bertha reeling forward with Puspa on her back. She hit a table and they crashed over it, collapsing it onto the floor with all 220 pounds of Bertha.
The fall hurt Puspa, but she wanted Bertha’s blood. So she pretended to be knocked out, to give her a few seconds to regain. That is what Texans call “Playin’ Possum”
“That’ll show her” grunted Bertha as she turned to call Max to clean up the mess. But lo and behold, Dan was keeping Max diverted with a little of his own roadhouse roundhouse.
Puspa knew this was her chance, Bertha’s attention was diverted. So Puspa sprang off the floor
and with all of her weight clipped Bertha in the lower back with her shoulder. Bertha buckled from the pain, and rolled on her back. Puspa dotted both eyes, and asked if Bertha was ready for a truce. “Arghhh...my back...heck yeah I’m through”
Dan had disposed of Max as well and he came to Puspa, asked if she would like to leave that place and have some pie at Friedhelm's Bavarian Restaurant. She took his arm and the rest is history..

Dalhart Dan

Before Dan came into all that money, he earned a living either working 4 12 hour days on the family oil rig, or showing off his bull riding skills before cracking his hand from having it almost twisted off from the rope he was holding on to.
Well he is still in New York arguing with the producer about why he can't put his album out in blue vinyl, seems easy to me. So he will be missing his long time tradition of attending the XIT RODEO AND REUNION Held annually since 1925 in Dalhart, Texas, the XIT honors the cowboys who worked the ranch in its 1880’s heyday, when 150,000 cattle roamed more than 3 million acres. Known for the world’s largest free barbecue (as well as gratis watermelon and pork chop feeds), the festival also includes a rodeo, parade, dances, live music, and more.

One year he stole the show by winning the bull riding competition and got this little charm:


Then went directly over to the food barn and won the watermelon eating contest


Then took the stage for the nights leading musical entertainment

It was a night to remember, but alas, he will not be able to relive the moment due to going over photos for the album. Oh well, maybe next year...

Today's Tall Texas Tales

You know the routine, monday morning madness, gotta have a grin to bear it. So here goes:

A WOMAN WAS KICKED TO DEATH BY A MULE, AND A HUGE CROWD GATHERED for her funeral. "She must have been very popular," observed a visitor. "Hell, no," said an old-timer. "She was the orneriest old lady in the county. All these people just want to bid on the mule that was strong enough to outkick her."

THE SCHOOLTEACHER ASKED LITTLE JOHNNY A MATH QUESTION: "IF there were twelve sheep in a field and one jumped over the fence, how many would be left?" Johnny replied, "None." The teacher frowned and said disapprovingly, "You don't know arithmetic." Said Johnny: "No, ma'am, but I know sheep."

A PAIR OF TEXAS EAGLES WERE FLYING ALONG WHEN A JET PLANE SUDDENLY overtook them and landed not far ahead. One eagle said, "That fellow sure was moving!" And the second eagle said, "So would you if your tail was on fire."

Karaoke Nights

Its Saturday Night in New York City!!!!
So, What and where is the party place in Queens that West Texas Millionaires are debuting? Its the Nest! Yes, It is Saturday and the place to be on a Saturday Night! You see, Larry Compeleta, the originator of the event of Kareoke, came up with the idea 20 years ago when the Viet Nam Veterans fund was getting cuts in their funding. Ergo, the pub got the lead, and now, Karaoke was a hit!

Larry, who is in a motorized chair, blind with black shaded lens glasses, and is assisted with the tool of a vocalizer due to mucho cigarette smoking, opens every Saturday night karaoke with the tune "fun fun fun, on the autobon" by Kraftwerk. As you know, the tune does change key, and so Larry has to go to a higher pitch vibrator, like a blues man would with harmonicas. It is a gem to witness, and I know you will enjoy it. Dan and the boys will follow up with the new tunes from the new album, so if you can make it, you will be entertained to the max. THE MAX I TELL YOU!!

Millionaire Questionaire Answers

Howdy, here is the answers to the Millionaire Questionaire forum. Hope you are the top fan!



Answers

1. a, 3; b, 1; c, 2
2. d
3. the horny toad
4. c
5. a, 2; b, 5; c, 6; d, 7; e, 1; f, 3; g, 4
6. the King Ranch
7. a
8. Old Yeller
9. b
10. e
11. c
12. b
13. Cadillac Ranch

WTM in NYC

West Texas Millionaires are in New York City doing some music business for their next cd. They had a semi-business lunch at the local Queens bar named "The Nest". As Dan was doing the logistics with a music director, Roger was on stage singing Karaoke to Taylor Swifts, "Teardrops on my Guitar".
Every thing looks good for the band as they do the business end of this type of industry, and just trying to drive around Queens after hanging out in a little town like Bisbee can drive you nuts. Memories still serves when they had to go to the Garden for 3 night shows.

Roadside Assistance

Well, Dan is hardly out of the gate driving to New York, New York when his truck started giving him trouble. If any of you have made the waltz across Texas, you know that it feels like 4 days than 2. And you also know that you better have all your fluids checked and done everything in your power to make that trip.
Not Dan, nooo, that would take the ADVENTURE out of the equation. So there he is in Turkey Texas with engine troubles. Not major per se, he just forgot to put in coolant and now it is going into steam engine mode, and that then caused a hose to rupture, which sprayed the whole engine with what water was left.
One thing he did do was pay his cell phone bill and gave a call to Rhonda's Roadside Rescue for her expertise. Yes, She is an oasis in that Texas desert, rolling up in her rig to fix whatever is ailing your truck and make it allll better....


Dan was thankful, and stood there asking questions like, "What does that do"; "you call that a 'cresent' wrench?"; and a bunch of other questions about motorworks. After a few replacements and adjustments, Dan was back on the road thanks to Rhonda's help. So the adventure continues, and Dan is probably having breakfast at Ricky's Cafe in Chickashaw, Ok. as we speak.
Be safe out there Dan.

Today's Tall Texas Tales

A VISITOR ASKED A WEST TEXAS COWBOY, "DO YOU EVER GET TORNADOES around here?" The cowboy said, "Yeah, we had one a while back, but it ran into a sandstorm outside of town and got ripped to pieces."

THE WIND BLOWS SO HARD OUT IN WEST TEXAS THAT AT A DRIVE-IN THEATER once it blew Gene Autry right out of the saddle.

A LITTLE BROWN HEN GOT CAUGHT IN A WEST TEXAS WINDSTORM. SHE was flying through the air backward so fast that she laid the same egg three times.

IT WAS SO WINDY THE PRAIRIE DOGS WERE DIGGING HOLES FORTY FEET in the air.

Millionaire Questionaire

We know that we have many faithful adoring fans out there, but if you are really, really, really dedicated to the WTM, you will participate in our Millionaire Questionaire. To answer the questions post on the comment button. We will post the top 5 WTM Fan Exam finalists. Here we go:

1. Match the celebrity with the Texas pork product he endorses:
A singer Jimmy Dean 1. Blue Ribbon Bacon
B former football coach Bum Phillips 2. Earl Campbell Hot Sausage
C former football star Earl Campbell 3. Jimmy Dean sausage

2. Which of these is not a Texas state symbol?
A bluebonnet
B pecan tree
C mockingbird
D electric chair



3. Identify this animal:



4. Which of these critters does not live in Texas?
A tarantula
B alligator
C naked mole rat
D mountain lion


5. Match the place name on the left with the appropriate subject on the right:
A Houston 1. cantaloupe
B El Paso 2. medicine
C Tyler 3. tourism
D Midland 4. fashion
E Pecos 5. boots
F South Padre Island 6. roses
G Dallas 7. oil


6. What Texas ranch is bigger than Rhode Island?

7. Which of the following common Texas words is the only one spelled correctly?
A rodeo
B barbeque
C ya’ll
D margerita

8. What dog story, a national best-seller in 1956, has been required reading for millions of Texas schoolkids ever since?

9. What meat do Texans favor for barbecue?
A pork
B beef
C chicken
D any form of roadkill

10. Which of these foods was not invented in Texas?
A Fritos
B chili
C red grapefruit
D maroon carrots
E burritos

11. On back roads, many drivers signal to others cars by lifting only one or two fingers while keeping their hands on the wheel. What do Texans call this gesture?
A the West Texas wave
B the sumbitch salute
C the hi sign
D the bird

12. A common Texas nickname for boys is “Bubba,” which is baby talk for:
A baby
B brother
C buddy
D Beelzebub

13. What is the name of the alfresco automotive sculpture west of Amarillo?

Today's Tall Texas Tales

ATTENDING THE FUNERAL OF A TEXAS MILLIONAIRE WHO WAS BURIED, according to his last request, in his favorite Cadillac, a poor relation commented, "Yessirree--that's what I call livin'!"

A TEXAN WAS VISITING NEW YORK. WHILE HE WAS HAVING A DRINK AT A BAR, an attractive woman sat down next to him. "Hello, honey," he said. "I'm Billy Bob Smith fr-"

"Don't tell me," she said. "You're from Texas."

"How'd you know?" he asked.

"You called me `honey,' your name's Billy Bob, and you sure seem tall sitting there on that bar stool."

"Well, you're right," Billy Bob said, "but I have to tell you, I'm not really that tall--I'm just sitting on my wallet."

Live at the Stock Exchange

This is a rare unseen footage of the band playing at the Stock exchange. This could easily match the Beatles "Cavern" musical dates.

Interview with producer Peter Swan

Peter Swan did the producing on the WTM last album, and I had time to ask him some questions on how it came about, the producer that tries to get that right sound. Here is a portion of the interview:

“The first time I recorded Dan Simonis doing “Big Back Seat” he sounded very laid back, maybe a bit like Dean Martin, but after I screamed my head off, turning red in the face like a lobster, spittin' blood, and throwing the guitar case against the wall, while kickin' him in the butt with my cowboy boots, rantin' -- "Hey Dan, this is ROLLIN' ROCK, not a sissy-boy resting home!!!!" -- well then things started happening!! Dan caught on real fast, and delivered a smokin' ragin' version of "Arizona", which a few years later became a Number One Hit in all the Rock'n'Roll dance halls across England!!
It was very easy to get Dan to "click", because Dan felt the music deep in his heart and soul. Dan grew up on Rhythm & Blues and Hillbilly Music and therefore all he needed was a nudge, a sympathetic producer who loved and lived Rock'n'Roll Music, like ME, ha!, and who was not a groupie of de-sexed sissified anti-American 1960s crapola!
That's what I mean by who is in front of the mike, and who is behind the mike! Both positions--visavi the mike-- have to be pro Rock'n'Roll, and anti pop-schmaltz.
As far as mike placement is concerned, I do NOT like close-miking, because it tends to sound somewhat "dry" and "sterile" in most instances.
I try to leave enough room for most mikes to pick up some of the other instruments, this way the recording will sound more natural, like you are in a small night club, but not as muddled.

Today's Tale Texas Tales

TWO PRETTY GIRLS WERE TAKING A WALK WHEN THEY CAME UPON A FROG, which surprised them by saying, "Please kiss me. If you do, I'll turn into a Texas oilman." One of the girls picked up the frog, looked at him, then popped him into her purse. "Aren't you going to kiss him?" her friend asked. "No," the girl said. "These days a talking frog is worth a lot more than a Texas oilman."

A TEXAS WILDCATTER WHO WAS VISITING PARIS FOR THE FIRST TIME IN many years went to see the Eiffel Tower. After staring at it for a moment, he turned to a fellow tourist and said, "I can't believe it--after all these years, they still haven't struck oil!"

A RICH OILMAN DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN, ONLY TO FIND THE GATE CLOSED. Saint Peter apologized. "I'm sorry," he said, "but we have too many oilmen in heaven already." The oilman told Saint Peter, "Don't worry. Let me in, and I can solve your problem." So Saint Peter let him in, and the oilman went up to every other Texas oilman in heaven and whispered in his ear, "Word is they found a big new field down in hell." One by one, the oilmen left heaven and went to hell. A few days later Saint Peter found the helpful oilman packing up to leave. "Where are you going?" he asked. "Hell," the oilman replied. "So many drillers have headed south, I figure there must be something to that rumor after all."

West Texas Millionaire along for the ride

'Three's Company' star Joyce DeWitt had three too many this weekend and it landed her in handcuffs. The actress, best known for playing the third wheel to John Ritter and Suzanne Somers on the popular show, was arrested for drunk driving on the Fourth of July. Police say the 60-year-old DeWitt was pulled over after she drove past a park barricade and then arrested for DUI when she failed a field sobriety test.
Riding in the car with her was Roger Thoreson, guitarist for the West Texas Millionaires and long time friend of DeWitt. He was released at the site because he did not have a blood alcohol level high enough for a public intoxication charge. "We were just bar hopping trying to find a blonde."
Thanks to Roger, she was released on bail, but not before she took a mug shot for the celebrity hall of shame (pictured).

Today's Tall Texas Tales

Well, I know most of you had a great 4th of July weekend, was just perfect with the rain, but enough with the mushy stuff, don't want to go to far and start seeing your "aura" geezz.....
Anywho, here is your medication for Monday Morning Ma Ma Please hold me.
Yes thats right, pull yourself up by your boot straps and enjoy:

A TEXAS OILMAN TOOK A TAXI TO THE AIRPORT and handed the driver a $100 bill. The driver asked, "Don't you have anything smaller?" Surprised, the Texan replied, "Do they make 'em any smaller?"

THE WIFE OF A NEWLY RICH WILDCATTER BUILT A fancy mansion and held a party to celebrate its completion. When a guest asked how many bathrooms the house had, the hostess replied proudly, "I can seat fourteen."

A WILDCATTER WENT TO THE DENTIST. "EVERYthing looks fine," the dentist said. "Go ahead and drill anyway," said the wildcatter. "I feel lucky today."


There, now go out there and show 'em who Halliburton looks to for inspiration.....

Why the Pink Cadillac?

Some of you are thinking why do the West Texas Millionaires ride in a pink Cadillac? You may be ready to recite the fighting words “Only two things come from Texas...” Well, before you get your bones broken one at a time, let me explain the story....

You see, men like to capture time in relics, trophies if you will. Things to help them remember the best of times, like bowling trophies, deer antlers, and in this case, a Cadillac. It was July 4, 1976, Dan just turned 17, but had a fake I.D. He was experiencing the Fort Worth/Dallas bars with a vengeance. You see, at that time, the legal age to drink was 18, and the bartenders were just wanting to get paid. Dan did the deed, dropped a dollar in the jar and got his lone star longneck. There was a bicentennial celebration taking place at The Greenville Bar and Grille, and at the end of the bar was a cougar yelling at the bartender, “I SAID A DRY MARTINI!!! AND NO AWLIVFF!!!” (spit, spittle, sputter)

Then it happened, the tragic eye contact between Dan and the cougar. She looked him up and down, snarled lowly and moved closer. “High (intentional), my name is Marylyn Roger Theard, ever heard thaw name?" Dan did not, of course to him it sounded like "Marlin Roger III". He was still trying to lay low to get a second beer, but was doomed to blow his cover.

Marylyn Roger Theard, who is this cougar? She was the daughter of Mary Kay Ash, multi-millionaire business women of cosmetics. In 1973 Marylyn won the honor of getting a pink cadillac under her Mother’s business. She worked hard for it, too hard, wanting to gain the acceptance that she never got from her Mother/mentor. Seeing that there was going to be no motherly nurturing, the beginning of her Swan Song began. Four years later, leaving the Mary Kay business, she was living on the “royalties”, spending her savings fast, divorcing her husband with a nice divorce agreement that would hold her for....15 years of hard living. Now at the age of 41, she wanted to only have fun, fun with Dan. He was an awe-struck 17 year old.

“Lets go” she said, and Dan followed her to the car, THE CAR, and they went to White Rock Lake to watch the fireworks from the back seat. Dan would later reminisce that moment in "Big Back Seat." They then went to the Adophus Hotel where her room was. They made it up to the room and after more cocktails, and she wanted to get the party started, and Dan was ready. 15 minutes later, She is falling asleep, and Dan wanted a trophy to remember this, and going down to the car with her keys, he started the engine.
Off into cool Texas night air with the top down, listening to AM country radio....he concludes, "need to get some long horns for the grille..."

And now you know....the rest of the story......

WEST TEXAS MILLIONAIRES SIGN 5 YEAR MULTI- MILLION DOLLAR DEAL WITH THEM SELVES

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"This is one of the biggest recording contracts in Country music history" said West Texas Millionaire front man and financier Dan Simonis. "Even though we've just inked the deal, I'm confident we can pay it back". Its a great day for Texas and the music business coming on the heals of yet another dismal year in record sales across the nation. According to industry spokesman Gary LaForge who was present at the negotiations, the Millionaires will need to produce five albums over the next five years and agree to three world tours. Possibly even traveling out of Texas.

Roger

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Roger, you are the ultimate eclectic lead guitar of retro-western-swing. Let this serve as a compliment to your hard earned efforts in contributing your talents to the West Texas Millionaires,...... in lieu of payment of our recent concerts and record sales.....
Bless you, we have sent a food package in your name......

Obama for West Texas Millionaires

We caught this photo-op while Obama was in Texas back in February, attending a function in Austin. He had his aides come and contact the band for their recent cd and purchased our tour cowboy hat. He proudly sported it around the Texas capitol building to the envy of those attending the Senate Chamber.
We appreciate his support and know that he will keep us Millionaires......Hope.....

We Hit the Big Time!

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Well, it finally happened, the boys got their first interview with the big wigs in New York city and sat down to discuss their previous album and the work they are presently doing in the studio. All were a bit nervous at first, Dan cautiously answering the questions as though they were live grenades, while Roger kept eating off the complementary dish composed of clams and brie, smacking all the while.
Here is a portion of the interview:

“West Texas Town” is a nice breezy ballad that describes the life and benefits of being in a West Texas Town. “Arizona” is a journal logging the wild hazy journey through the great state, set to a spicy tex/mex style rhythm.

When its time to get away for a road trip, “Big Back Seat” should be playing as you get into first gear. The song has that highway fast clip that gets things rolling. But the most popular cut is by far “You maybe right” that showcases the retro-Texas Swing and gives that ramblin man lyrics that can't hold him down. The slide solo is one of my favorites, a bit of David Gilmore in cowboy boots...
The closing tune is a quiet ballad that has the dim spotlight on Dan Simonis, giving a good performance of the contemplative cowboy. Overall a nice compilation of Americana/Country music that makes you want to hit the Texas highways.

Pretty fair review if you ask me. Congratulation boys, it was worth the wait. Next stop: Huffington Post. God help you....

Publicity Announcement: NOT the West Texas Millionaires!

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We have found it necessary to clear up the mix up that some of our fans have encountered when googling to find us on the internet. We try to give our proper website as found on our postcards but still our fan base are misdirected to the above group "Texas Millionaires" which is a barber shop chorus group out of Fort Worth.
Yes, we know that they are aware of us, and have tried to show homage with a barber shop version of "Maybe You're right" (God help us), but really, do you really think you would catch us in smiley face t-shirts under a tux?
And yes there is the issue that they came before us, beginnings go back to 1938 in Tulsa Oklahoma. But even then the jealousy is evident: a Tulsa band calling themselves "Texas Millionaires"....really guys...

So let this public relations announcement serve to clarify that WE are the WEST TEXAS MILLIONAIRES! There can be no equivalent or attempted facsimile.
Thank you for your continued support.

Memorabilia item #2

We are sacrificing this shirt at a reduced price of 200 dollars, just to make it more available to the enormous fan base the Texas Millionaires have accumulated over the years in honor of your support. Let the bidding begin.



This authentic H Bar C shirt is part of the memorabilia of this Legendary Band. Dan Simonis owned and wore this shirt when they were performing their Mid West Tour of America, giving audiences the Americana music that built this nation. This unique shirt is a size 16.

And with the purchase of this fine memorabilia, you get an official West Texas Millionaires post card.