West Texas Millionaires Hit a Snag

Well, a road trip would not be a road trip without a CHALLENGE!! And so it was for the West Texas Millionaires when they were just outside of Raton, New Mexico, hometown to the Band "The Fireballs", who had a number one hit in 1963 with "Sugar Shack". The Caddy started making "noises", and the hitch on the bus needed to be re-welded. All the while Dave Rose was on the job taking pictures for a piece to be featured in National Geographic entitled, "Why We Love Cumulus Clouds." So they made it into town to get repairs and had a look over of the town.

Dan's bill came to a whopping 2000.00, due in part to getting parts for a '57 Cadillac in a town located in the middle of nowhere with overnight shipping, and that the owner of the garage felt he was a king since he had a master mechanic certificate hanging on the wall with candles burning like he was Mother Mary or something.

Dan was not going to have a swell time if he did not recoup some of that money. Lucky for him, located in Raton is The Philmont Scout Ranch, which is the largest youth camp in the world by size and number of participants. Just his luck they were going to have a weenie roast that evening with a record 2300 young boys attending. He called the camp director and made arrangements to play that night. Dan played earnestly for 2 hours, at times making those little scouts cry and beg for mommy. Afterwards he took a love offering and brought in 3,486.00. "Those dear little boys" Dan said to himself and 4 seconds later left Raton in his rear view mirror.

Dan Simonis and the West Texas Millionaires Hit the Trail

You know how you get itchy feet and cabin fever (even in the summer) if you stay in one place too long? Willie Nelson knows, and hits the road even before that nagging starts. So it is with the West Texas Millionaires, as they were seen saddling up and getting it ready to go:

Cowboy 1: Mike Page gets the chuck wagon dieseled up and was the first to hit the trail, with the cupboards packed full of salt pork, pinto beans and...beverages...
Cowboy 2: Robert Page, acting as scout, heads out on his horse Astraia (it's a Bavarian girl's name), and is making good time.
Cowboy 3: Dan Simonis and his sidekick Dave Rose took the Albino Clydesdale Cadillac, and was seen at the ATM to get enough feed for the hungry mammoth's long journey:



If that proves to not be enough money, Dan will have to resort to getting out his guitar and start playing for tips at the gas pump. All in all, they should work up the trails and make it to the 70th anniversary Sturgis Rally 2010 festivities. There they will TAKE PICTURES and share with us all the serene beauty of the iron horse.

You know what you oughta do...

Ever had one of those friends that had all the answers about what you ought to do, but their life is absolute chaos? Yeah, me too, and it is annoying to no end. You hold your tongue, but the urge to scream, "Would you please just shut UP!" is in your throat waiting to explode. But you're the better person, and it causes a deep pain in the center of your forehead.

Oh, they mean well, they're just wanting to give the helpful tip of the day; but really, they could use a good lobotomy and you have the ice pick ready to administer the dirty deed.

Breathe deep, relax, and if you concentrate hard enough, you can wish the best for that person. And with that I leave you with some useful advice: the next time they utter those six words, simply reply "Not listen to you".

Dan Simonis Purchases Roy Rogers Stuffed animals

Wild West kitsch took over Christie’s plush quarters at Rockefeller Center on Friday. Dan was there and plunked down $266,000 for Roy Rogers' stuffed horse, Trigger, as well as paying $35,000 for Rogers’ stuffed and mounted dog, Bullet. The proud owner stated that he has always wanted the animals for nice conversation piece in his living room. Congratulations Cowboy!

Dan Simonis' Distant Relatives

Everybody has those distant relatives that they want to keep that way...distant. And Dan has his share. Billie-Rae Otis and his clan live in West Virginia, where they like to play bluegrass and chew tobacco. The family seems to be making a name for themselves and that makes Dan nervous, because they drop his name every chance they get.

They are going on tour and just may be coming to Dan's town, and that means they drop in unexpected and stay awhile. Billie-Rae's wife Gurdie always takes her purse and empties it out just to meticulously arrange it back inside, achieving nothing but I guess it keeps her hands busy and her brain entertained. Billie -Rae's 3 daughters are real lookers and sing like larks. So enjoy a clip of their recent show, and if you see them, do Dan a favor and give him a heads up call to warn him, he would be much obliged.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xytrguQlH0

Zombie Fire Ants Found on Dan Simonis' Ranch

There is something wrong down at the Texas ranch of Dan Simonis. He went out to start his day and noticed the proverbial Texas Fire Ants were aimlessly walking on the hot sand. Usually, they are in scout mode finding food for the queen, but these guys were waltzing across his acres, totally oblivious.

The scene was disturbing, Dan wondered if his water table had gotten polluted, or if there were some chemical problem. Then he totally had a cow when he started seeing their heads falling off...yet still walking.

Two weeks went by and he kept seeing headless ants walking in circles. "What in Sam Hill is goin on?" Dan asked himself. He went to his next door neighbor to see if he had the same problem. Coming to the door was Rob Plowes, a research associate at UT. Dan related his story, while Rob just nodded and smiled, annoying Dan to no end.

After Dan had finished, Rob invited him to his barn, which acted as a home office/laboratory. There inside were tubes of tiny flies; Rob called them "phorid" flies. " He continued:

"The flies "dive-bombed" the fire ants and laid thier eggs.

The maggot eventually migrates into the ant's head; leaving the ant with no brain, then wanders aimlessly. This wandering stage goes on for about two weeks.

About a month after the egg is laid, the ant's head falls off and the fly emerges ready to attack any foraging ants away from the mound and lay eggs."

The hair on the back of Dan's head is now standing on end, and he carefully asked why Rob was doing this.

"It's a hobby" he replied. Dan's blood ran cold.

Like the scene from "The Shining", where Wendy finally got a look at what Jack had been writing about (all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy), Dan quietly thanked Rob for the explanation and walked as fast as he could to the pick-up, making like a bandit back to the safety of his ranch.

That's why in Texas, good barbed wire fences make good neighbors...maybe even razor wire...

Today's Tall Texas Tales

Texas has four seasons: drought, flood, blizzard, and twister. That old saying isn’t far from wrong. Because of its sheer size, Texas experiences all kinds of weather—sometimes all at once. Out in West Texas, the weather can be drier than the heart of a haystack and windier than a fifty-pound bag of whistling lips. A duststorm is dubbed “Panhandle rain.” Thunderclouds might bring some real rain—say, a real gully-washer toad-strangler. And, all over the state, it’s hot—darned hot. How hot, you ask? Hotter than a stolen tamale. Hotter than a honeymoon hotel. Hotter than a fur coat in Marfa.

Dan Simonis is Wired

At long last, Dan is preparing for an Album/CD release part set in August, and has already gotten responses to his promo from magazines like Wired. This magazine issue, due to be released in July, will have a nice interview with Dan as he covers his 15 plus years in the business as well as future artistic endeavors he is considering.

Fans got a taste of his new CD this weekend, as He performed for Eurovision via sattelite to Oslo, Norway. He came in next to last place, leaving that to Britain. Even though this was only meant for European Countries, he made up the country of Langtria and they let him in, because most of the other countries were in such financial dire straights to participate, it left the contest lacking in participants. Dan was not only happy to enter the contest, but was happy to do an interview for Wired Magazine.

More coming soon...

Dan Simonis gets Marriage Advice From Ted Nugent

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There's nothin more important than keeping the little lady happy for a good marriage, and that has sadly been realized after the fact by boneheaded husbands who did not keep the first love first.

Well Dan was taking his Cadillac to get serviced by the best Cadillac mechanic in Texas, when he got a call from Ted Nugent inviting him to stop by his ranch house to personally congratulate him on his newest album. So Dan got off the highway at Waco to make it to China Springs, Texas and met Ted at the garage. They talked about a lot of things, how the audience today is different just in a years time, more careful about what they are buying out there, the difficulty of recording on a budget, the latest gadgets for the musician, etc., etc.

But then Ted came straight out and asked Dan how the wife was; had he done something for her lately; had he taken upon himself to do a chore that he knew the wife hated to do. Or had he even taken the easy route and cracked that wallet with the intent of having her face on those bills. Well...Dan waited a long time to answer, knowing that he had not done any of that.

"You know, your not promised tomorrow...your love for your wife has to be invested with personal effort and care, just like your gun" Ted said in a low serious voice; "So you give yourself some time to think about what exactly you could do to save your marriage vows."

Well, that just cut Dan straight through the heart, "I will Ted, I most certainly will!" Dan said, feeling a commitment sent from on high to rectify his marriage; a marriage starved from neglect, crying out for nurturing.

And Dan surely did do something, after getting his car serviced, he bee-lined right to the destination he had in mind, like a bolt of lightning it struck his heart, soul and mind. He knew what he must do: he knew it right when he saw it, a five piece living room set printed entirely with camoflauge covering. Ted took a gander at the fresh kill Dan made with his Diners Club Credit card, "Good job Dan, good job."

Scout Leader Dan Simonis

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Dan had to get out of the parent's house or he was going to lose his mind. He thought for about 2 hours for an escape. Then it dawned on him: the family tradition at this time of year was to join the Texas Scouts beginning at the end of the school year, or if old enough, be a Scout Leader.

Bingo! He remember his great-grandfather telling him what it was like back in the day. The above photo is the Scouts back in 1927, and since then every adult male was expected to do community service by taking on the duty of Scout Leader. Usually they went to Amistad National Recreation Area 300 miles from Langtry. A terrible long drive for 10 year olds in the heat of late May to mid June.

But this time, Dan has a different plan: loading up the bus and taking the scouts to the Texas/Oklahoma region to chase tornadoes! There is only a short window of time to catch these furious funnels and this is the meat of the season. The lads would bring different weather gauge instruments, provided by the Langtry weather station, and make a report to get credit for a half-year of science.

Yes, this will be nothing but fun, and he will be sure to take pictures, the kids will love it!

Dan Simonis Wins award for the Third Straight Year

Dan has won the coveted Southwest Americana award again for the third straight year which is presented in San Antonio. The distinguished institute has on its board Willie Nelson, George Straight, John Hiatt, Carrie Rodriguez to name a few. The award includes a check for 1,000 dollars and a years supply of beef jerky.

Dan was happy to accept, and thanked those who helped him on the albums recording and art work. He will be doing a summer tour to promote his latest album. Here is the link to the Southwest Radio Programmers website. Congratulations Dan!

http://southwestradioprogrammers.blogspot.com/

Postal Service Honors Dan

With the issuance of the “Cowboys of the Silver Screen” stamps, the U.S. Postal Service honors five extraordinary performers who helped make the American Western genre a popular form of entertainment. Film stars and musicians from the silent era through the modern era are featured on the stamps.

Though Dan has been new to the scene, the Postal Service could not neglect recognizing his contribution to keeping the spirit alive through his movie shorts and records, of which a new release is about to be released; celebrating the roots of American cowboy music, and how it brings America together.

"I am honored to have this stamp of my likeness circulating across America, to be included among my heroes that I studied and learned so much from. Thank you so much" Dan said with broken voice, showing his respect.

So go to your local Postal Service and proudly ask for a book of Dan Simonis stamps!

Dan’s dream

The family were about to finish dinner, Ma brought out her home made pecan pie and served it up. The family chatter was full of stories of what had transpired over the years Dan had been gone: who married, who divorced, who died, who was in jail and so forth.
It was good for Dan’s soul, and he was getting sleepy so he excused himself to go to bed, Ma said there were extra blankets and pillows in the attic if he needed.

When he entered his old room, it was like a museum. Everything was just as it had been when he was 15 years old. The Roy Rogers poster, the Buck Owens records on the old Silvertone record player. The wall paper of a cowboy on a buckin’ bronco, and the pattern sheets and pillow cases...all was the same as he left it.


He stretched out on the bed, with his feet going over the edge about a foot. He did’nt mind, it brought back good memories of growing up in the country, and he was broke down tired. He found himself going back in time, when he was in this same room, same Saturday Night, fantasizing about what wonderful adventures lay beyond that Texas horizon....slowing...falling...asleep...

It was April 30 1955, Saturday Night at the Louisiana Hayride, from the Gladewater, Texas, High School gym. The West Texas Millionaires were celebrating 10 years of performing their great western swing music, and touching on the new rockabilly scene. “Thank ya’ll for all your support over these 10 years,” said Dan. “We could not have come this far without your buying and loving our albums. We gotta big night ahead of us, with the Sagebrush Serenaders and a new guy to the scene that I don’t right off hand know his name, but we’ll get that sorted out soon enough. And now, a little ditty called ‘Hay loft Honey’. Take it Jim!” Jim on the steel guitar opens the famous waltz that got the band on the charts that December day in 1945.

The war was over and the boys were back home wanting to kick up their heels, drink some beer and get that cowgirl on the dance floor. Dan and the boys hit it at the prime time, and knew that they had the music and the window of opportunity to cash in. And they did. They put in 120, 000 miles on the road tour, claiming 32 dates in 28 states. They never got a gold record, but they all had nice houses and cars and fishin' boats; they even went in together to purchase a piper airplane when they needed it. They were comfortably satisfied.

“And that’s why you’re my Hayyyy Loft Honeyyyy....Thank you! Thank you!” Dan says as he closes out the song. He and the band finished out the set and introduced Billy Mack and the Sagebrush Serenaders, the music started up again.


Dan goes to the anniversary table set up just for the band and began signing autographs from young cowgirls dressed in their formal country dresses made for dancin' and kissed each one on the cheek, with his hand on their lower back...

Dan look well seasoned, in his mid-30's, wearing the Nudie suit he bought with the second royalty check for his number 1 recording of "Hay loft Honey" nine years ago. He still wore it with pride and looked very dignified. "A toast! To looking back at our hard work and success, and looking forward to seeing you 55 years from today. If I'm rightly thinkin, I believe after 65 years of working the honky tonks, you're entitled to a retirement!" Everyone in the dance hall laughed and cheered, and pulled back their mugs of beer.

It was getting late, Dan made his good-byes and was making his way out the door when the dying sound of the P.A. was making its introduction, "And now folks, we bring you a young man with a new take on this new thing called Rock-a-Billy...Elvis Presley!"

http://www.elvispresleymusic.com.au/video/popup/1955_april_29_cotton_club.html

http://www.elvispresleymusic.com.au/pictures/1955_april_30.html

Dan grunted and belched, thankful to be out of that High School gym to avoid all that rockabilly noise that just gets worse with the echo....

"Dan? wake up hon, breakfast is ready. I made your favorite!" Dan's mom said. He realized he had just had the most fantastic dream. He still had his clothes on, so he just did a quick bird bath in the sink and went to the kitchen. The smell of corn beef hash hit him in the face, and spied the brown chicken eggs brought from the back yard pen. He followed his instincts to a pot of chicory coffee and poured a big mug full. 65 years...that would make it...today!!!

Moving back with the Parents

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The IRS filed a Notice of Deficiency in U.S. Tax Court which resulted in liens placed against Dan's property which allowed them to then seize the property after the 30 day waiting period.

They sold his property for less than the market value, his yachts, his pick up truck, his life insurance...everything to pay off his debts to the federal government. The good news was that they are not permitted to take clothing, which in this case was his collection of Nudie western shirts, and his boots. And they let him keep the Cadillac, and he had previously hid his guitar at a friends house.

With all that was left in his life in the trunk of the Caddy, he parked in the desert outside of Langtry, Texas, laying on the hood staring up at the sky as the sun began to sink on the horizon. He was devastated. It's not so much that he lost all the stuff, the home he had recently redecorated, his toys such as the yacht, the oil rig in the ocean with penthouse, rights to his previous recorded albums, his two cats and dog...no, that was not the hardest part of all that had happened so far.

It was moving back home with Mom and Dad

"Is this how it comes down? After being my own man for over 35 years, to end back at square one?!" He yells, fist clinched at the sky. But at this juncture, it is his only option. His band mates had scattered abroad with girlfriends, mumbling something about wishing to take him in but....and on and on.

He is pulling himself together to make that last 2 1/2 mile drive down that dusty Texas back road to the folks. He pulls up to the old house that was his birth place. The doctor made it 40 minutes after the fact, to take the mothers blood pressure and present them a bill of 50 dollars.
So many memories, so many reasons to have left home that day long ago...only to return.

"Heidy hon, glad you're back. Now clean up for supper, I got chicken liver and onions ready, just the way you like em'" Mom said. "I never liked liver and onions" Dan said under his breath, and washed up anyway for a long night at the Langtry homestead.

Obama is the BEST

Dan cannot believe his luck. Mr. Obama last month offered $8.4bn of federal loan guarantees on two civil nuclear plants in Georgia, which will be the first to be built in the US in a generation. One of those plants belong to the West Texas Millionaire, Dan Simonis, off a fluke of a tip by his accountant. This same accountant tipped Dan off to fellow millionaire John McAfee's property auction in New Mexico. Dan made some nice change on flipping that property to purchase a recommissioned oil rig today after Obama signed the bill that opened the off shore drilling.

This offshore platform is totally enclosed, partially a functioning oil rig, the other half a luxury mansion that even makes property in Dubai pale in comparison. He threw a massive house warming party complete with yachts and water skiing pyramid. The deck on this rigs is about 20,000 square feet, complete with eco friendly green energy in the form of a huge wind generator that powers his drilling needs and all his toys inside.

There are roughly 4,000 rigs in the Gulf of Mexico, half being shut down 20 years ago, that are now going to return to full operation within 6 to 10 years. Dan is preparing himself to slowly obtaining more of the rigs for oil production and future hotel chains/casinos. Only for the promise from Obama would this dream come true...

SpaceShipTwo Update

In this photo released by Virgin Galactic showing the first captive-carry flight of VSS Enterprise or SpaceShipTwo over Mojave, California Monday March 22,2010. The center mounted spaceship is attached to the "mothership" WhiteKnightTwo for a series of flight tests prior to its first drop test later in the year.

Powered by a single rocket motor, the spaceship will be flown by a crew of two and carry six passengers on a Mach 3 thrill ride through the edge of the atmosphere for a brief zero-gravity experience and views of the Earth far below before gliding to a landing.

More than 300 people have made deposits on the $200,000 tickets. One of those people was Dan Simonis, who is first in line when it takes its first flight. Dan was on site Monday for the test flight, and had his staff of chefs cater for all involved: BBQ and all the fixings for enough that everyone could have seconds and thirds. "This is an exciting experience for Americans, and should be supported by those who love the private sector who have the spirit of capitalism that benefit rich and poor alike" Dan commented. He also offered that further tests could be conducted on his airfield that is located on his ranch in Texas, where a good jet stream exists in the atmosphere.

Possum Kingdom Pandemonium

Few people know of the well kept secret in Texas, known as...Possum Kingdom. It is notorious for having the largest catfish in the state. They hang out near the dam by a rock formation known as "Hells Gate", where it can rise 10 t0 15 degrees in the month of July as you enter its encloser. The water reaches 100 feet in depth and scuba divers have surfaced stammering with fear, describing catfish the size of Volkswagens.

It was on a spring morning that Dan was checking his trot line to see what might have taken the bait. He had wadded up some nice balls of blood bait, the stuff catfish love to ingest, and now the time to bring home the bounty had come. Little did he realize the horror that awaited him as he reached down to grab the line...

He only saw the shadow of the beast below the murky water, as it lunged up throwing Dan off balance. Then he felt a spongy grip take hold of his leg, sucking him into a cavity lined with sharp teeth. His left leg was being ingested by the whale-like catfish; and as he tried to fight it off, it proved useless, taking all of his strength just to hold on to the side of the boat.

It continued to gum away at his leg, regurgitating portions of the blood bait, making the lake a crimson macabre. He grabbed hold of the monsters whiskers and yanked hard, only to aggravate it to a frenzy. Dan was beginning to lose consciousness when a fellow fisherman was passing by. The man took his tazer that he used to stun fish so they would float to the top (an illegal act in most states), and shot it into the mammoth cat. Of course he did not figure in the fact that Dan would also sustain a portion of the voltage, leaving Dan confused and fearful of the man's intentions.

After realizing what he had done, the fisherman took a tire iron and finished the job of crushing the fishes head, also traumatizing Dan. This dislodged his leg though, and they dragged the fish to shore as proof of what happened:


People began to gather around the carcass as Dan and his life saving friend told the tale over and over. Dan was still experiencing shock, but over time regained his composer and was seen enjoying a meal at a local fish fry. The only injury was that the gastric juices from the fish had dissolved all of his leg hair and stained the flesh orange. Other than that, Dan had survived a most certain death.

And so another tale of Possum Kingdom killer catfish is added to the long history of one of the most hazardous lakes in Texas. Dan is just lucky to survive and share it with the rest of us.

Paris Texas Spring Fashion Show

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Dan has been working hard on pulling together the final alterations for his models to present his spring fashions for the Paris Texas Spring Fashion Show. The catwalk is awaiting his first creations to glide down; and as a fashion designer, he continues to expand his horizons as an artist.

This Country Couturier brings in the generic fabrics of silk, cotton and lace while staying true to his roots: The silky overalls look ($350):

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...And the proverbial boot cut working man's worn jeans (shirt $250; jeans $300):

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Dan reflects, "You know, a lot of my lady fans talk to me after the concert and they comment on my collection of Nudie shirts, and wish that there was something for them...to look nice when they go out on the town.
Well, I thought I would take the opportunity to give back to my dedicated lady fans. And after the Paris Texas premier, we are looking at putting this collection on the market."

The West Texas Millionaires Brand are not just for the Country night life, but sets the pace while strolling through the Galleria in North Dallas! And when asked, "Who are you wearing?" you can drawl, "Simonis".

WITH A GREAT LOOK AND SUPER FRIENDLY PRICES ( MOST SHOES ARE AROUND $150 RETAIL) THIS COLLECTION IS SURE TO BE A SUCCESS!...

Interpretive Line dancing

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You will often find interpretive dance performances in spiritual settings. This type of dancing has been used throughout history as a form of worship. Interpretive dancing can express all sorts of emotions that relate to spirituality, joy, love, or even fear.

It is with this in mind that Dan is on a campaign to bring this into his Western/Americana genre, and the result is interpretive line dancing. Imagine hearing the soulful sounds of “West Texas Town” as beautiful people who love country perform this.

Dan had a very positive reaction this last weekend at a ranch outside of San Marcos playing to a test crowd. They were given the basics, and then something very spiritually profound happened. As they allowed themselves to let go fully to the line dance, they became one with Mother Earth, expressing their inner soul through the dance.

He wasn't even finished with the second song that the crowd had fully succumbed to their spirits, and all came to a feverish pitch, "Heart on fire" was playing loud, and someone busted the main pipe on the ranch tank. They all splashed in the mud as the line dance continued, each note from Dan's guitar raised arms and caused bodies to gyrate.

Dan was convinced that he had tapped into a very powerful force, and interpretive line dancing will be the hit at all the boot scooting dance floors in Texas this summer.

Western Haiku

Dan is now experimenting with Western minimalism, to be the first in Country music to create minutia out of the obvious. This demands great discipline of the art of Haiku, and he is dedicating the next year to this endeavor. Here is just a taste of this new art form:

Country Haiku:

Go Bar Hopping

Springtime cattle tilting

Relative paying bail