Vinyl Dan

The test begins, starting by Dan nurturing the cleaning process of the album with cleaner and swab. Then he meticoulusly takes the arm and cleans the needle from any foreign substance of dust. He drops the needle and begins to close his eyes as Fleetwood Mac fills the room via a 1976 Marantz amplifier. "Yes....can you hear it? That warm sound of vinyl. You don't get that from mp3" He then switches over to his mp3 of techno jam, and he points out how bright and empty it sounds.
He continues, "In the early days of recording, most recording studios used big monitor speakers almost exclusively. Unfortunately, they also required high powered amplifiers and expensive acoustic treatment (often poorly done) of the entire control room. Still, a well-constructed big monitoring system really was impressive to listen to, a fact not overlooked by the studio owners who wanted to impress the record company executives who paid for the big studio's time. These big systems had big level control knobs, and clients enjoyed "cranking-up" the volume.
Fortunately, recording engineers and producers eventually learned that this was not the best way to accurately mix music because it wasn't the way people listened to their radios, cassettes and CD players (metal heads excepted). Also, big monitor systems and the costs for the required control room acoustic treatments were going through the roof (no pun intended), particularly beyond the budget limits of smaller project and home studios which were growing in numbers. A new way of accurate monitoring was needed: near-field monitoring."

Spoken like a gentleman, Dan. Well, he continued to admire his P.A. system and turned up the volume, grinning like a kid at Christmas, with the windows vibrating precariously. Yes, Dan was in hog heaven, reliving a forgotten art of stereo equipment manipulation. When I left him, he had a Johnny Cash album cued and ready to go. Rock on D.J. Dan, rock on...

The Art of Clarifying Your Point In Texas

One of Dan's Cousins is a Deputy Sheriff in Houston Texas. Here's how he clarifies things:

A lawyer runs a stop sign and is pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy is because he is a lawyer and is certain that he has a better education then any cop from Houston , TX . He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense.

The deputy says, 'License and registration, please.'

'What for?' says the lawyer...

The deputy says, 'You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.'

Then the lawyer says, 'I slowed down, and no one was coming.'

'You still didn't come to a complete stop, Says the deputy. License and registration, please!'

The lawyer says, 'What's the difference?'

'The difference is you have to come to complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!' the Deputy repeats..

Lawyer says, 'If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket... If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket.'

'That sounds fair. Please exit your vehicle, sir,' the deputy says.

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the daylights out of the lawyer and says, 'Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?'

Any Questions?

Dan goes a huntin

With his shotgun in hand, Dan works his way on the bank of the Red River. He was checking into some business in Vernon, Texas and had a break to do some hunting. Quail is good fare in these parts, and he was going to get his share. It was 24 degrees, the sun was almost coming up. In the clearing he spotted about 20 quail. Quietly he raised his gun, exhaled, and pulled the trigger. A complete miss, he cursed and started walking again. He had taken a canoe down this Red River, going down 30 of the 1,360 miles it covers. It was quite a trip, but today he enjoyed the walk.

This time he spotted a mallard, crouched down made his aim and shot. He shot and dropped the bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence.As Dan climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked Dan what he was doing.

Dan responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it." The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and your not coming over here." Dan was getting upset and replied. "If you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything that you own.

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in these parts. We settle small disagreements like this, with the Three Kick Rule."

The Dan asked, "What is the Three Kick Rule?" The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth until someone gives up." Dan quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom.

The old farmer slowly gets down from the tractor and walked up to Dan. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into Dan's groin, which dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly ripped the nose off his face.

Dan was flat on his belly, when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly causing him to give up, but didn't. Dan summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up, You can keep the duck!"

The Nightmare

37 black! 37 black! ahhh noooo! THIRTY SEVEN BLACK!!!

Dan bolts straight up in bed, covered in sweat, shaking uncontrollably. "The dream again?" asked Puspa. "Wha? uh oh yeah, the dream...again" Dan answered. It happened again over the Thanksgiving weekend, as it always has happened over 15 years now. He can't seem to shake it because he is still living with black 37 to this day.

Dan and the boys were at their top top, where bands only visit once, maybe twice in their career. They had been playing the Sands in Las Vegas, getting top billing with David Lee Roth. They had an ongoing gig for the next 6 months, and they were filling every fantasy with each payday check. When they were not playing, Dan would go to the slot machines, not wanting to get into an addiction with gambling, and play a few innocent rounds of the one armed bandit.

He would quit when his pocket of quarters ran empty, that was his rule, and not play again until next payday. The other guys dove all the way in, playing the roulette wheel, black Jack and straight up poker. Some of them were getting rather lucky, pulling in 4 to 5 g's a week. It could have been a set up, making sure the house band was happy. Either way, it started to affect Dan, seeing that he was the headliner, and his back up band were getting an extra stipen through gambling. So one day Dan moved up to the roulette wheel. 4 hours later, Dan walked away with 6,940 dollars.

Time goes on, they had completed their 6 month contract and they wanted one last night of gambling. Dan had wins and losses, as well as the other band members. David Lee Roth warned Dan that he should check himself, that he could get burned. Dan just laughed and bought David a toupee. Back at the table, Dan set up for a long night, as well as the band. They had made a bet amongst themselves, whoever won the most that night won 5,000 from the others. Dan was doing well, but the poker table was buzzing about the amount the band members were putting up on bids. Things were getting frantic, high wins and some devastating losses. That only spurred them on, which makes for rash decisions.

Then it happened, almost too coincidental, all at once. 3 band members went bankrupt on blackjack, the drummer busted on Texas Hold 'em, and Dan was signing over the Cadillac to play 37 black on the roulette table. 37, his age, that he thought was lucky. Fact is, it was his greatest year to be alive. He had everything...everything until that last spin of the wheel. "37 black, 37 black, common 37 black" repeated Dan. The rest of the band began to accumulate around him, totally broke, and watched the wheel. They did not know how bad he was losing, they did not want to let it be known that they were flat broke. 37 black! 37 black! 37 blaaaaaachhkk...

Now sobbing, Dan simply kept repeating "37 black". A complete breakdown. How did it get this far? How did he lose control? He knew what he had to do, and he hated thinking about doing it, but it had to be done. Dan called Colonel Bret Austin, told him the whole story, and the Colonel was on his jet the next morning. The good Colonel bought back the Cadillac, had his accountant tally the damages, and discovered that none of the West Texas Millionaires had filed taxes on the monies earned over the past 6 months of playing the Sands. That totaled 1.6 million dollars altogether.

The Colonel penned an agreement that is still binding today. He absorbed the cost, on the condition that they work off their debt by releasing 6 albums over 20 years, including a rigorous tour schedule, no gambling for the duration, undertaking breathalyzer tests during shows and every day they must make time to listen to one hour of Rush Limbaugh.

Dan is still reeling from the night mare, but had to get up and start his day. He makes a latte to go, slobs some peanut butter on toast and out the door he goes. The Cadillac starts up with a purr, and as we see that beautiful white Cadillac go out of the driveway, you can faintly hear the car radio crackle with the voice of Rush Limbaugh preaching the morals of a good American...

Texas Radio

It finally happened, West Texas Millionaires now have their own radio show, and it is very exciting to have this avenue on the internet, as we have yet another way of entertaining your senses through the ear canal. Not since Dan broadcasted over the cb airwaves back in the late 70's to traveling truck drivers has he had this great opportunity to share his music to the masses.

We are going to prepare our next program so that everyone has an opportunity to call in and ask Dan some questions about his upcoming album/cd, and to inquire into his other interests, like going to the Bonneville salt flats, and his interest in Nudie western ware.

So keep checking our blog for the next show, slated for Saturday at 12 noon Arizona time, which will make it 8pm in Europe, so you can enjoy the show before bedtime. We really appreciate your support in reading our blogs and that you have an interest in Americana/Western music that made such an impact on American culture.

Get Along Little Doggy

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Sometimes when your band is on tour for an extended period of time, the stress of the road starts wearing down on you and ends up in words not meaning to be said, resulting in feelings being hurt, and facial structures being altered. The West Texas Millionaires had been on the US tour for a year and eight months in 1989, had broken into the top 50 country charts, and the boys were each worth over 400 grand. Despite all this, they needed to let off some steam and relax, and Dan knew the exact refuge to escape too.

They were near Abilene Texas, where a relative of his named Earl Simonis had an interesting ranch which got out of the cattle business, due to the drop in beef prices, for a new product: herding foxhounds. Yep, it's a lucrative business, raising them from pups, running them across the range to learn the scents of the land, then sell them to customers mainly in Manassas Virginia to hunt.

Earl Simonis is a well known fox hound handling expert, who for many years has practiced and taught low stress methods for moving fox hounds on Texas Praries. The Earl Simonis methods of calm, slow movement of fox hounds on pastures can be defined as a stimulus-response relationship.

The day starts early, Dan and the boys finished up breakfast and saddled up, yelling and whistling to get the dogs started. They cover the east quarter of the 500 acre ranch till the dogs reach the first water tank for a brief break. Then its off to the north quarter, which can cause the dogs to stray and therein a cowboy has to round up those that got off the trail.

Lunch time, and Dan is wiping the sweat off his forehead, tired, dusty, and needing to refill his canteen to get the raw throat tender again. A bite of beef jerky and their off again. They are behind schedule, so the boys are going to have to push the fox hounds hard to make it to the west end of the ranch to bed down for the night. Whoopin and a hollerin they finally make it to the water tank and just in time too, the herd has spent their energy, and the boys dont want to lose too much weight off of the herd.

After the pack has been feed and watered, the boys then get their vittles cooking: fat back with pinto beans with salt water cornbread. As the sun starts to go down, Dan gets out his guitar, begins to sing his favorite trail song, and as he gets into the high range of the chorus, the whole herd of Fox hounds join in, howling in unison into the late hours of the night's full moon. It does'nt get any better than this.

Scariest Story Ever Told

One night a woman went out for drinks with her girlfriends. She left the bar fairly late at night, got in her car and onto the deserted highway. She noticed a lone pair of headlights in her rear-view mirror, approaching at a pace just slightly quicker than hers. As the car pulled up behind her she glanced and saw the turn signal on — the car was going to pass — when suddenly it swerved back behind her, pulled up dangerously close to her tailgate and the brights flashed.

Now she was getting nervous. The lights dimmed for a moment and then the brights came back on and the car behind her surged forward. The frightened woman struggled to keep her eyes on the road and fought the urge to look at the car behind her. Finally, her exit approached but the car continued to follow, flashing the brights periodically.

Through every stoplight and turn, it followed her until she pulled into her driveway. She figured her only hope was to make a mad dash into the house and call the police. As she flew from the car, so did the driver of the car behind her — and he screamed, "Lock the door and call the police! Call 911!"

When the police arrived the horrible truth was finally revealed to the woman. The man in the car had been trying to save her. As he pulled up behind her and his headlights illuminated her car, he saw the silhouette of a man with a butcher knife rising up from the back seat to stab her, so he flashed his brights and the figure crouched back down. That hero was Dan Simonis. The killer was the ghost of Elvis. Go figure...

Moral of the story: always have a designated driver.
Happy Halloween!

The Story Continues: Enter Colonel Bret Austin

So far, we have seen Dan's history, starting from ol' grandad's sandbar paradise, to his first gig in Midland Texas. Now we see what started his next phase that propelled him to the stars. Enter Colonel Bret Austin. Who is this man dressed in white? Who was this man that gave the Millionaires their big break? "Colonel" was a moniker given to him because he knew how to commandeer a car lot, driving his salesmen harder and harder every day. This was very impressive for such a young man who was a veteran. He would start the new recruits at his Bonneville Bootcamp, where they had to prove themselves by selling more Pontiac Bonnevilles than the other "motor maggots". Oh he was cruel, making them dress full kilt in business suits, requiring them to have a full set of 6 suits for the workweek.

Fights would break out, jealousy was abound in the competition, but in the end, 2 of the 10 candidates would emerge ahead of the pack to acend to the Cadillac department in Del Rio, Texas, next to the infamous Laughlin Air Force Base. At a dance at the American Legion in Del Rio, Bret saw Dan for the first time. He was impressed with Dan's band, now numbering 4. The band was tight and they kept a suave' image. Dan had the band going as he went through the song list, and at the end of the third set, Bret approached him.

He offered Dan a deal to record his songs, promote the album through connections in radio, and a tour that would secure the investment to render a profit that would satisfy both parties. Residuals would be determined upon the initial responses. He had big ties in the tiny town of Del Rio due to the Air Force Base. Entertainers would perform at Laughlin and buy his Cadillacs at a better price than Los Angeles or New York. Now he could double down on this business relationship to promote a band. The Nevada elite loved him, praised him for his Cadillacs.

However, locals had their opinions of Bret:

He’s on a first-name basis with the bottom of the deck.
There are a lot of nooses in his family tree.
So crooked that if he swallowed a nail he’d spit up a corkscrew.
So crooked you can’t tell from his tracks if he’s coming or going.
He knows more ways to take your money than a roomful of lawyers.
Crooked as a dog’s hind leg.
Crooked as the Brazos.
Slicker than a slop jar.
More twists than a pretzel factory.
Crooked as a barrel of fish hooks.
So crooked he has to unscrew his britches at night.

Dan didn't care, didn't listen to the naysayers, he grabbed the pen and signed the contract. The best part of the deal was that he was going to get a brand new 1986 Cadillac! So Dan and the band went into the studio and cut the first album, got interviews with tv and radio, ran a 12 month tour across the US and filmed a short for a private movie production firm owned partially by Bret of their live performances. They put more miles on that Caddy, with a trailor for equipment on back, than they could imagine.

But Dan could not feel more alive than at this time. The band also felt the same, getting out of Langtry/Del Rio was a major step forward. Yep the world was theirs:

The Singing Cowboy

Around the campfire, the original cowboys sang of life on the trail with all the challengers, hardships and dangers encountered while pushing cattle for miles up the trails that headed north. The earliest collections of cowboy songs are credited to Nathan Howard Thorp, whose Songs of the Cowboy in 1908 is reckoned to be the first, and John Avery Lomax, whose 1910 collection, Cowboy Songs and Other Frontier Ballads, collected for the first time many songs that are now among the best known of the genre.
One of those popular songs was “The Strawberry Roan” here sung by Marty Robbins:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3BkHtlSYR4

Much of what is included in the genre of "cowboy music" is "traditional", and by the 1930's things got fancy-like with a number of songs have been written and made famous by groups like the Sons of the Pioneers and Riders in the Sky and individual performers such as Gene Autry, Roy Rogers, Michael Martin Murphy and other "singing cowboys." Singing in the wrangler style, these entertainers have served to preserve the cowboy as a unique American hero through their movies.

Where’s the Singing Cowboy today? Oh, there a few, like Kim O’Conner out of Fort Worth, Andy Hersey, and...our own Dan Simonis. Back before he got all Cadillac fancy he was a die hard Singing Cowboy, and all the money and cars and the gambling habits did not yet have their way with him. Songs like “Long Way Down” expresses that he knew the dangers of these vices, and saw take other Singing Cowboys down.

But when you play in mud, your gonna get dirty. But he still has the core of the Singing Cowboy deep in his heart, it’s just covered with sequins and hidden under Nudie shirts. Sometimes you need a little cow dung on your boots to bring you back to basics. A couple of days on the trail to remind you of the hungry years. But you can have your cake and eat it too, the greats like Gene Autry, Roy Rogers and others paved the way and built the foundations for other Singing Cowboys like Dan to fill their shoes. So to keep grounded, Dan drove the Cadillac out to Boot Strap Ranch, where a fella can brand some cattle, feel the sweat on the brow and become inspired yet again:


The air is crisp, the branding iron is turning red, and Dan is getting back to the days of Langtry, when the music soothed a weary cowhand...

A Nudie creation by Jaime for Dan Simonis

Dan was in Los Angeles checking on the final mixing at Lurssen Mastering Labs, and since he was already in the neighborhood, he decided to pay a visit Jaime, who came to Los Angeles in 1974, to become the shirt and pants maker at Nudie’s Rodeo Tailors. When Manuel Cuevas opened his own studio, Jaime made the move and became Manuel’s head tailor for 16 years.
Choosing to stay behind in California with his family, while Manuel moved his studio to Nashville in the early nineties, Jaime opened his own studio and created his signature label in 1994.
So Dan gave Jaime the specifications of what he wanted, some curvy musical staffs going across his chest and other items that would make it signature Dan. He tried it on and it was like a second skin, and he thanked Jaime profusely and paid in full.

Tonight at Manuel's Restaurant: Dan Simonis

It was October 1979, Dan and then friend Rupert Bagsley had been working all summer on cover tunes to compile 3 45-minute sets. The played classic Roy Orbison, Willie and Waylon, and the song "Every which way but loose" by some new guy named Eddie Rabbit. Eddie Rabbit? What country singer would put that lame name out there? You shoot rabbits, not listen to them sing. But Dan had that voice down to a tee.
Any way, this was to be Dan's very first paying gig. He had tested the waters at BBQ's and such, but he wanted more than free ribs and beer. He and Rupert recorded all the sets and gave it to Angelo Rodriguez, another friend who moved away from Langtry to get a job in Odessa at Manuel's Tortilla and Tamale Factory. The owner also had a restaurant down the street, which played live music every Saturday night.
The owner liked their sound, except for the Eddie Rabbit song, and inked a deal for that weekend. Dan was ecstatic, and that afternoon he and Rupert loaded up their equipment into their recently bought used hearse, that was great on getting all the equipment in, but lousey on gas.
They met the owner at the restaurant, and he treated them to anything off the menu before taking the stage. The waitress came over, made eyes at Dan, and recommended the "Puffy Taco", which he did while being mesmerised by her eyes. Then it started. They made hard eye contact, Marty Robbins "El Paso" started playing over the restaurant sound system and Dan was falling, falling over this beautiful Latina Lilly.
They ate, got ready to play and the people at the bar really started to like them. First set, done, took a break, got a beer and made contact again with her. Name was Hallveig. Hallveig? "Yes" she said, "My dad was Norwegian, and mother was Spanish. They met at the officers club and later got married. I am named after his Aunt."
Ooookayy. Second set going well, except for boo's on "I love a rainy night". Dan made a mental note to ditch the Rabbit droppings. Stayed cool and on course to the end of the set with a round of applause. Took a break, Hallveig comes up to the bar to fill an order. Dan is thinking fast, how to get to the next step, ask her out, where to go? "Would you like to go somewhere after this?" Dan stumbled. "Sure. I get off at 10pm when you finish your last set. Be there" Yes, yes!....no! where are we going? What to do with Rupert? Rupert saw this coming way ahead and said he could go to Angelo's place while Dan cruised with Hallveig....in the hearse....
Third set, Dan played fast and fierce, wanting to get to the finish line, they did the 45 minute set in 15, like a Ramones concert; and they did it to a standing ovation. Thanked the manager, took the money, split it with Rupert, packed the hearse (that does'nt sound right), and Dan and Hallveig were off into the night. He needed to find a spot to make out with her and took the next feasible turn. Looked promising, no people, cars. She instructed him to take the next left and park. All was going as planned, and they got into the back seat of the hearse for making out. Dan was in heaven, until a floodlight filled the front windsheild. Odessa Sheriffs car was in front. Imagine the Sheriff's reaction to see a hearse parked at the entrance of Sunset Memorial Gardens cemetery with two kids making out in a hearse. Little did Dan know that he started a Goth tradition...
Sheriff checked license and registration, told Dan to take her home and go back to Langtry.
Dan and Rupert left Odessa for a long ride back to Langtry. Of the 40 dollars they were paid, 30 was spent on gas to get back. He would never forget the raven haired, blue eyed contessa. One of many lonely road trips he would make in the future music business with the West Texas Millionaires...

Dan's First Fight

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There are many rites of passage for young boys growing up in Texas, and one of the most important is the first fist fight. You stand your ground, feel nauseous, and wonder just how bad it will hurt. But you end up acting on sheer impulse. And so it was with Dan on his first year as a freshman of Langtry Prepartory Academy

The year was 1973, when all that experimental learning was taking place. Langtry Preparatory Academy prided itself in providing a positive academic environment that allows the students to think and progress socially and academically. Students are not limited to traditional grade levels; they have the freedom to complete lessons / courses as rapidly as they choose. Because of the nonthreatening, intimate surroundings, the student is afforded the opportunity to learn how to learn. Langtry Preparatory Academy’s staff make every effort to facilitate optimum learning. The nontraditional student needs to find his/her own comfort zone where learning is possible and even desirable. A student is not hindered by staying with a particular group, as in the public system. An individual’s learning style is honored, as long as it does not interfere with others....

And that, my friend, is how you describe lame. This would be the beginning of the end for Dan's motivation to finish anything dealing with education. He would later attend the same format in college, which burned up an easy 3 years with no results and invested money from Ma and Pa. But I digress, this is about fighting. Dan's minion was named Gilbert Jackson, a Junior with a nasty habit of chewing his nails, rendering a foul breath from his mouth. He would tag Dan's head on the Physical Ed playground, where they were engaged in a game of volleyball. Did I say this was experimental learning? That was the only option, other than playing croquet.

Dan had enough of this knuckle head sandwich, and on a cold October morning, he made his stand. Gilbert was about to deliver his famous cauliflowered ear fist when Dan responded, delivering a well placed punch to Gilberts left temple. Stunned, but not flattened, Gilbert grabbed Dan and proceeded to sit on his head. This was not good, and the other kids knew what came next. Yep, raspberry city, with Dan turning a whiter shade of pale, but managed to break away for another shot to Gilberts head. This one landed on the chin, and if you know anything about fighting, you know that when you land on solid rock, both you and the opponent feel the pain. Dan winched, trying to shake off the throbbing from his fingers... very very embarrassing.

Stay in control, don't do it, please don't do it....dammit...too late......the tears are there...Quick!...Do something!! Dan saved face and managed to get Gilbert in a full Nelson. Dan was big for his age which helped in the matter. Gilbert had to relent, had to declare defeat, which was made easier when Mr. Deerborne, Phys Ed. facilitator, and broke it up. Both boys played it off as if they were conducting a wrestling match, which resulted in Mr. Deerborne penalizing Dan for unecessary roughness, which he called using the example in frame #20 shown above. I don't know about you, but anybody that would use that to illustrate "unnecessary roughness" needs to be put in a full Nelson. Anyway, Dan was kept after school for one hour. Still, it was his victory, and from that day forward held his own.

The Story Continues

It's 1976, summer in Langtry, nothing, absolutely nothing to do, once again, for the kids of Langtry. Oh yeah, there is the river, blah blah blah. How many times can you make something exciting about a stupid river that has nothing to offer except cool in August.
Dan Simonis, age 17, is sitting on the front porch playing a Sears guitar, his first song, "Making out with Maggie" one of five girls in Langtry his age. They made out when they went over with the whole school class to Wright's Steak House, a good two hours away from Langtry, to share a steak.
But it was also at that time that Roger Thorenson came out to Langtry from California to visit his Dad. The divorce settlement required that he had equal time with his father in Texas, as well with his mother in California. He completely hated it, every summer he would have well spent in Cali in school, than spend his time in a void of any entertainment. He also played guitar, and met Dan at the Langtry post office:


Roger's dad was expecting a check from the Veterans of the VietNam War, and he was going to get a better guitar from that check.
Both boys met there and started exchanging info, how Cali was better than Tex, how music sucked in Texas compared to the upcoming rock and roll in California. Dan disagreed and was later proven right..
Anyhow, the boys talked amongst themselves and the two put on a great show that caused GIRLS to come around to listen to them.
Afterwards, the two got together and recorded the song "Making out with Maggie", that would send them into the Langtry Fall Fest to number one of the top 3 records.

The Story continues

Jonas Simonis, born 1930, was a lucky lad born into one of the most money laden family in Texas. They had built their fortune on a sand bar separating Texas and Mexico, allowing them to go tax free for most of the 19th century, giving them money trade on both sides of the border.
But alas, the Internal Revenue Agency played the ace against them and forced them to move on shore of Texas soil, took their cattle in back taxes and made them earn an honest living...of sorts...
Jonas found his revenge in buying an oil rig with what was left of his fortune, and began marketing the snake oil of the 20th century-petroleum jelly.
He had made contact with Robert Chesebrough, a young chemist whose previous work of distilling fuel from the oil of sperm whales had been rendered obsolete by petroleum, went to Titusville to see what new materials had commercial potential. Chesebrough took the unrefined black "rod wax", as the drillers called it, back to his laboratory to refine it and explore potential uses.
He did not consider the black gold of any worth, but used that revenue to market the medical elixer to all of America in the mid 1940's, that made the war effort a lot more successful in treating herpes and other skin diseases that affected the skin. During World War II, a variety of petroleum jelly called dark red veterinary petroleum jelly was often included in life raft survival kits. Acting as a sunscreen, it provides protection against ultraviolet rays
He furthered his fortune by expanding into the animal kingdom and marketed the benefits for pets which included stopping fungi from developing on aquatic turtles' shells and keeping cats from making messes when they cough up furballs.
By the time 1959 arrived, Dan Simonis was guaranteed a life of luxury left to him by his father, the lube king of the midwest, who cornered the market of the cosmetic industry. Nothing would match it until Mary Kay came onto the scene. But Dan had other ideas of his own, playing in the back yard with his ukelele, making simple tunes to pass the dull days of summer in the west Texas heat, depleted of any visual or audio stimulas, he struggled to entertain himself. And it paid off eventually. The story continues...

We Appreciate Your Business

The West Texas Millionaires hope you enjoy our Tall Texas Tales and other stories about the boys, and would like to encourage you to buy the cd located at our site:

http://westtexasmillionaires.com/music.html

You will enjoy an array of Americana style music and story telling lyrics that will leave you wanting to listen again.

Texas Tall Tales

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE TEXAN WHO GAVE HIS SON A fancy new cowboy outfit? It was a 200,000-acre ranch.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE TEXAN WHO WAS VERY RICH AND VERY SHORT? Instead of wearing elevator shoes, he just had the state lowered.

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE TEXAN WHO CAME INTO HIS FORTUNE THROUGH a stroke of luck? His uncle had a stroke and left him everything.

The History Begins

It all begins in 1884, When Ben Semonis moves from Illinois, to marry Elizabeth in Langtry, Texas, at the Jersey Lilly Saloon court room and pool hall. There was so much disregard on where the border was between the US and Mexico that Ben set up his homestead on the Maher-Fitzsimmons sandbar, ten years before the namesakes creation. He no longer had to pay taxes, and gained a large sum of money for the family to gain acreage for raising cattle.
Investments grew, and then technology, and Ben's son Carvel bought the first tower called an oil rig, and began drawing crude from the sand bar, earning the family thousands of dollars. Carvel kept dredging sand towards the sandbar to create more "land" for the family, and soon reached 20 acres of sandbar in the river. People were catching on, and forced him stop the process, due to the damming of the river with the original property and the 12 acres of oil rigs and cattle. By 1930, Jonas Simonis, Dan's father, was born into one of the great fortunes of West Texas legend. The story continues....

Texas Tall Tales

A man owned a small ranch near San Antonio . The Texas Dept of Labor claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.. "Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board.. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board . Then there's the half-wit. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally." "That's the guy I want to talk to .. the half-wit," says the agent. "That would be me," replied the Rancher.

Flxible Bus for Sale?

It's always a hard decision when letting go of your favorite vehicle, and it is the present turmoil attacking Dan....time to get a new tour Bus.
"You reminisce the lean years, when it took you to literally your next meal. The gigs you had to meet, sometimes 2 days travel time. Every one that bus made it....every one...." Dan is getting teary eyed as he tries to speak it out. So many memories
"I mean....sniff....how can you put a price on that......sniff.....I'm sorry....can't...talk...now"

It's ok Dan, we put the sign up for you, and I am sure we will find the right owner for it. It's time now to look forward, to see the light on the horizon, to boldly go where.....I think you get it:













Take this beauty for instance, fully restored and and de-fleaed, it is but one option on the lot at Langtry Luxury Limos, who also carry these beauties:



But Dan has his eye on a fixer upper:




You see, Dan worked as a roady for The Texas Top Hands when he was 16. They gave him his first beer, Lone Star, and got him hooked up with one of the groupies who was 18. Yes, that is what caused him to get his own bus, the great times he had....yeah.....
But now, Dan has to get on board and find a new bus so the band can make some upcoming dates for the tour, places like Macdona Shooting Club, near San Antonio; Poteet Strawberry Festival, State Fair of Texas^qv in Dallas; Southwestern Exposition and Livestock Show^qv in Fort Worth; the Stompede and Rodeo in Bandera, Buccaneer Days in Corpus Christi; the Oil Show in Odessa, the Wool Show and Rodeo in San Angelo, the Stockman's Ball in Laredo, the Peanut Festival in Floresville, the Watermelon Jubilee in Stockdale, the Horse Show and Fair in Junction, and last but not least the rodeo in El Paso.
So anyway, he searched and searched and finally found the bus on the internet. It is still kinda iffy, its in worse shape than the present one, but he can't shake it. However, if you know of a flxible bus enthusiast that has one for sale contact Dan at dansimonis@gmail.com.

West Texas Millionaire Dan Simonis considers offer from California Cryobank

A California fertility company whose anonymous sperm donors bear uncanny resemblances to the prince, the swim god and other men of note has extended an offer to Dan Simonis of the West Texas Millionaires an undisclosed amount of money for him to be a donor to their Look-A-Like service.

"It's very tempting, and is an amount that equals a years wage" Dan commented.

California Cryobank's Donor Look-A-Likes service offers would-be parents the chance to search for prospective donors based on which famous face the sperm donor most closely resembles.

The names most frequently searched for on the Web site, Browne said, include actors Paul Walker, Ben Affleck and Scott Caan, and jocks Luke Walton, Jeremy Shockey and Brett Favre.

The company has recently become interested in Dan Simonis, after he and the band were out on tour and the interest Dan generated among the fans. "He is a study in what the classic cowboys like John Wayne and other greats had in the days of early movies. We knew we had to get that look that is rarely seen these days at other DNA match up centers."

California Cryobank is set to be fully operational within two months at a Park Ave. space, where potential sperm donors can go through a rigorous health and history screening process before finding out which celebrity they most closely resemble.

"I'm looking forward to working with them, they stated that there is the potential of needing up to 20 donations per week. I'll try my best to keep up to that goal, I know it's going to take alot out me, but I'm a trooper, I'm doing it to keep Americana alive and well"

It will also be interesting to see "copies" of Dan running around playgrounds all across America and Canada, all happy and yodelling....