Dan Simonis gets Marriage Advice From Ted Nugent

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There's nothin more important than keeping the little lady happy for a good marriage, and that has sadly been realized after the fact by boneheaded husbands who did not keep the first love first.

Well Dan was taking his Cadillac to get serviced by the best Cadillac mechanic in Texas, when he got a call from Ted Nugent inviting him to stop by his ranch house to personally congratulate him on his newest album. So Dan got off the highway at Waco to make it to China Springs, Texas and met Ted at the garage. They talked about a lot of things, how the audience today is different just in a years time, more careful about what they are buying out there, the difficulty of recording on a budget, the latest gadgets for the musician, etc., etc.

But then Ted came straight out and asked Dan how the wife was; had he done something for her lately; had he taken upon himself to do a chore that he knew the wife hated to do. Or had he even taken the easy route and cracked that wallet with the intent of having her face on those bills. Well...Dan waited a long time to answer, knowing that he had not done any of that.

"You know, your not promised tomorrow...your love for your wife has to be invested with personal effort and care, just like your gun" Ted said in a low serious voice; "So you give yourself some time to think about what exactly you could do to save your marriage vows."

Well, that just cut Dan straight through the heart, "I will Ted, I most certainly will!" Dan said, feeling a commitment sent from on high to rectify his marriage; a marriage starved from neglect, crying out for nurturing.

And Dan surely did do something, after getting his car serviced, he bee-lined right to the destination he had in mind, like a bolt of lightning it struck his heart, soul and mind. He knew what he must do: he knew it right when he saw it, a five piece living room set printed entirely with camoflauge covering. Ted took a gander at the fresh kill Dan made with his Diners Club Credit card, "Good job Dan, good job."

Scout Leader Dan Simonis

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Dan had to get out of the parent's house or he was going to lose his mind. He thought for about 2 hours for an escape. Then it dawned on him: the family tradition at this time of year was to join the Texas Scouts beginning at the end of the school year, or if old enough, be a Scout Leader.

Bingo! He remember his great-grandfather telling him what it was like back in the day. The above photo is the Scouts back in 1927, and since then every adult male was expected to do community service by taking on the duty of Scout Leader. Usually they went to Amistad National Recreation Area 300 miles from Langtry. A terrible long drive for 10 year olds in the heat of late May to mid June.

But this time, Dan has a different plan: loading up the bus and taking the scouts to the Texas/Oklahoma region to chase tornadoes! There is only a short window of time to catch these furious funnels and this is the meat of the season. The lads would bring different weather gauge instruments, provided by the Langtry weather station, and make a report to get credit for a half-year of science.

Yes, this will be nothing but fun, and he will be sure to take pictures, the kids will love it!

Dan Simonis Wins award for the Third Straight Year

Dan has won the coveted Southwest Americana award again for the third straight year which is presented in San Antonio. The distinguished institute has on its board Willie Nelson, George Straight, John Hiatt, Carrie Rodriguez to name a few. The award includes a check for 1,000 dollars and a years supply of beef jerky.

Dan was happy to accept, and thanked those who helped him on the albums recording and art work. He will be doing a summer tour to promote his latest album. Here is the link to the Southwest Radio Programmers website. Congratulations Dan!

http://southwestradioprogrammers.blogspot.com/

Postal Service Honors Dan

With the issuance of the “Cowboys of the Silver Screen” stamps, the U.S. Postal Service honors five extraordinary performers who helped make the American Western genre a popular form of entertainment. Film stars and musicians from the silent era through the modern era are featured on the stamps.

Though Dan has been new to the scene, the Postal Service could not neglect recognizing his contribution to keeping the spirit alive through his movie shorts and records, of which a new release is about to be released; celebrating the roots of American cowboy music, and how it brings America together.

"I am honored to have this stamp of my likeness circulating across America, to be included among my heroes that I studied and learned so much from. Thank you so much" Dan said with broken voice, showing his respect.

So go to your local Postal Service and proudly ask for a book of Dan Simonis stamps!

Dan’s dream

The family were about to finish dinner, Ma brought out her home made pecan pie and served it up. The family chatter was full of stories of what had transpired over the years Dan had been gone: who married, who divorced, who died, who was in jail and so forth.
It was good for Dan’s soul, and he was getting sleepy so he excused himself to go to bed, Ma said there were extra blankets and pillows in the attic if he needed.

When he entered his old room, it was like a museum. Everything was just as it had been when he was 15 years old. The Roy Rogers poster, the Buck Owens records on the old Silvertone record player. The wall paper of a cowboy on a buckin’ bronco, and the pattern sheets and pillow cases...all was the same as he left it.


He stretched out on the bed, with his feet going over the edge about a foot. He did’nt mind, it brought back good memories of growing up in the country, and he was broke down tired. He found himself going back in time, when he was in this same room, same Saturday Night, fantasizing about what wonderful adventures lay beyond that Texas horizon....slowing...falling...asleep...

It was April 30 1955, Saturday Night at the Louisiana Hayride, from the Gladewater, Texas, High School gym. The West Texas Millionaires were celebrating 10 years of performing their great western swing music, and touching on the new rockabilly scene. “Thank ya’ll for all your support over these 10 years,” said Dan. “We could not have come this far without your buying and loving our albums. We gotta big night ahead of us, with the Sagebrush Serenaders and a new guy to the scene that I don’t right off hand know his name, but we’ll get that sorted out soon enough. And now, a little ditty called ‘Hay loft Honey’. Take it Jim!” Jim on the steel guitar opens the famous waltz that got the band on the charts that December day in 1945.

The war was over and the boys were back home wanting to kick up their heels, drink some beer and get that cowgirl on the dance floor. Dan and the boys hit it at the prime time, and knew that they had the music and the window of opportunity to cash in. And they did. They put in 120, 000 miles on the road tour, claiming 32 dates in 28 states. They never got a gold record, but they all had nice houses and cars and fishin' boats; they even went in together to purchase a piper airplane when they needed it. They were comfortably satisfied.

“And that’s why you’re my Hayyyy Loft Honeyyyy....Thank you! Thank you!” Dan says as he closes out the song. He and the band finished out the set and introduced Billy Mack and the Sagebrush Serenaders, the music started up again.


Dan goes to the anniversary table set up just for the band and began signing autographs from young cowgirls dressed in their formal country dresses made for dancin' and kissed each one on the cheek, with his hand on their lower back...

Dan look well seasoned, in his mid-30's, wearing the Nudie suit he bought with the second royalty check for his number 1 recording of "Hay loft Honey" nine years ago. He still wore it with pride and looked very dignified. "A toast! To looking back at our hard work and success, and looking forward to seeing you 55 years from today. If I'm rightly thinkin, I believe after 65 years of working the honky tonks, you're entitled to a retirement!" Everyone in the dance hall laughed and cheered, and pulled back their mugs of beer.

It was getting late, Dan made his good-byes and was making his way out the door when the dying sound of the P.A. was making its introduction, "And now folks, we bring you a young man with a new take on this new thing called Rock-a-Billy...Elvis Presley!"

http://www.elvispresleymusic.com.au/video/popup/1955_april_29_cotton_club.html

http://www.elvispresleymusic.com.au/pictures/1955_april_30.html

Dan grunted and belched, thankful to be out of that High School gym to avoid all that rockabilly noise that just gets worse with the echo....

"Dan? wake up hon, breakfast is ready. I made your favorite!" Dan's mom said. He realized he had just had the most fantastic dream. He still had his clothes on, so he just did a quick bird bath in the sink and went to the kitchen. The smell of corn beef hash hit him in the face, and spied the brown chicken eggs brought from the back yard pen. He followed his instincts to a pot of chicory coffee and poured a big mug full. 65 years...that would make it...today!!!

Moving back with the Parents

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The IRS filed a Notice of Deficiency in U.S. Tax Court which resulted in liens placed against Dan's property which allowed them to then seize the property after the 30 day waiting period.

They sold his property for less than the market value, his yachts, his pick up truck, his life insurance...everything to pay off his debts to the federal government. The good news was that they are not permitted to take clothing, which in this case was his collection of Nudie western shirts, and his boots. And they let him keep the Cadillac, and he had previously hid his guitar at a friends house.

With all that was left in his life in the trunk of the Caddy, he parked in the desert outside of Langtry, Texas, laying on the hood staring up at the sky as the sun began to sink on the horizon. He was devastated. It's not so much that he lost all the stuff, the home he had recently redecorated, his toys such as the yacht, the oil rig in the ocean with penthouse, rights to his previous recorded albums, his two cats and dog...no, that was not the hardest part of all that had happened so far.

It was moving back home with Mom and Dad

"Is this how it comes down? After being my own man for over 35 years, to end back at square one?!" He yells, fist clinched at the sky. But at this juncture, it is his only option. His band mates had scattered abroad with girlfriends, mumbling something about wishing to take him in but....and on and on.

He is pulling himself together to make that last 2 1/2 mile drive down that dusty Texas back road to the folks. He pulls up to the old house that was his birth place. The doctor made it 40 minutes after the fact, to take the mothers blood pressure and present them a bill of 50 dollars.
So many memories, so many reasons to have left home that day long ago...only to return.

"Heidy hon, glad you're back. Now clean up for supper, I got chicken liver and onions ready, just the way you like em'" Mom said. "I never liked liver and onions" Dan said under his breath, and washed up anyway for a long night at the Langtry homestead.

Obama is the BEST

Dan cannot believe his luck. Mr. Obama last month offered $8.4bn of federal loan guarantees on two civil nuclear plants in Georgia, which will be the first to be built in the US in a generation. One of those plants belong to the West Texas Millionaire, Dan Simonis, off a fluke of a tip by his accountant. This same accountant tipped Dan off to fellow millionaire John McAfee's property auction in New Mexico. Dan made some nice change on flipping that property to purchase a recommissioned oil rig today after Obama signed the bill that opened the off shore drilling.

This offshore platform is totally enclosed, partially a functioning oil rig, the other half a luxury mansion that even makes property in Dubai pale in comparison. He threw a massive house warming party complete with yachts and water skiing pyramid. The deck on this rigs is about 20,000 square feet, complete with eco friendly green energy in the form of a huge wind generator that powers his drilling needs and all his toys inside.

There are roughly 4,000 rigs in the Gulf of Mexico, half being shut down 20 years ago, that are now going to return to full operation within 6 to 10 years. Dan is preparing himself to slowly obtaining more of the rigs for oil production and future hotel chains/casinos. Only for the promise from Obama would this dream come true...

SpaceShipTwo Update

In this photo released by Virgin Galactic showing the first captive-carry flight of VSS Enterprise or SpaceShipTwo over Mojave, California Monday March 22,2010. The center mounted spaceship is attached to the "mothership" WhiteKnightTwo for a series of flight tests prior to its first drop test later in the year.

Powered by a single rocket motor, the spaceship will be flown by a crew of two and carry six passengers on a Mach 3 thrill ride through the edge of the atmosphere for a brief zero-gravity experience and views of the Earth far below before gliding to a landing.

More than 300 people have made deposits on the $200,000 tickets. One of those people was Dan Simonis, who is first in line when it takes its first flight. Dan was on site Monday for the test flight, and had his staff of chefs cater for all involved: BBQ and all the fixings for enough that everyone could have seconds and thirds. "This is an exciting experience for Americans, and should be supported by those who love the private sector who have the spirit of capitalism that benefit rich and poor alike" Dan commented. He also offered that further tests could be conducted on his airfield that is located on his ranch in Texas, where a good jet stream exists in the atmosphere.

Possum Kingdom Pandemonium

Few people know of the well kept secret in Texas, known as...Possum Kingdom. It is notorious for having the largest catfish in the state. They hang out near the dam by a rock formation known as "Hells Gate", where it can rise 10 t0 15 degrees in the month of July as you enter its encloser. The water reaches 100 feet in depth and scuba divers have surfaced stammering with fear, describing catfish the size of Volkswagens.

It was on a spring morning that Dan was checking his trot line to see what might have taken the bait. He had wadded up some nice balls of blood bait, the stuff catfish love to ingest, and now the time to bring home the bounty had come. Little did he realize the horror that awaited him as he reached down to grab the line...

He only saw the shadow of the beast below the murky water, as it lunged up throwing Dan off balance. Then he felt a spongy grip take hold of his leg, sucking him into a cavity lined with sharp teeth. His left leg was being ingested by the whale-like catfish; and as he tried to fight it off, it proved useless, taking all of his strength just to hold on to the side of the boat.

It continued to gum away at his leg, regurgitating portions of the blood bait, making the lake a crimson macabre. He grabbed hold of the monsters whiskers and yanked hard, only to aggravate it to a frenzy. Dan was beginning to lose consciousness when a fellow fisherman was passing by. The man took his tazer that he used to stun fish so they would float to the top (an illegal act in most states), and shot it into the mammoth cat. Of course he did not figure in the fact that Dan would also sustain a portion of the voltage, leaving Dan confused and fearful of the man's intentions.

After realizing what he had done, the fisherman took a tire iron and finished the job of crushing the fishes head, also traumatizing Dan. This dislodged his leg though, and they dragged the fish to shore as proof of what happened:


People began to gather around the carcass as Dan and his life saving friend told the tale over and over. Dan was still experiencing shock, but over time regained his composer and was seen enjoying a meal at a local fish fry. The only injury was that the gastric juices from the fish had dissolved all of his leg hair and stained the flesh orange. Other than that, Dan had survived a most certain death.

And so another tale of Possum Kingdom killer catfish is added to the long history of one of the most hazardous lakes in Texas. Dan is just lucky to survive and share it with the rest of us.

Paris Texas Spring Fashion Show

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Dan has been working hard on pulling together the final alterations for his models to present his spring fashions for the Paris Texas Spring Fashion Show. The catwalk is awaiting his first creations to glide down; and as a fashion designer, he continues to expand his horizons as an artist.

This Country Couturier brings in the generic fabrics of silk, cotton and lace while staying true to his roots: The silky overalls look ($350):

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...And the proverbial boot cut working man's worn jeans (shirt $250; jeans $300):

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Dan reflects, "You know, a lot of my lady fans talk to me after the concert and they comment on my collection of Nudie shirts, and wish that there was something for them...to look nice when they go out on the town.
Well, I thought I would take the opportunity to give back to my dedicated lady fans. And after the Paris Texas premier, we are looking at putting this collection on the market."

The West Texas Millionaires Brand are not just for the Country night life, but sets the pace while strolling through the Galleria in North Dallas! And when asked, "Who are you wearing?" you can drawl, "Simonis".

WITH A GREAT LOOK AND SUPER FRIENDLY PRICES ( MOST SHOES ARE AROUND $150 RETAIL) THIS COLLECTION IS SURE TO BE A SUCCESS!...

Interpretive Line dancing

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You will often find interpretive dance performances in spiritual settings. This type of dancing has been used throughout history as a form of worship. Interpretive dancing can express all sorts of emotions that relate to spirituality, joy, love, or even fear.

It is with this in mind that Dan is on a campaign to bring this into his Western/Americana genre, and the result is interpretive line dancing. Imagine hearing the soulful sounds of “West Texas Town” as beautiful people who love country perform this.

Dan had a very positive reaction this last weekend at a ranch outside of San Marcos playing to a test crowd. They were given the basics, and then something very spiritually profound happened. As they allowed themselves to let go fully to the line dance, they became one with Mother Earth, expressing their inner soul through the dance.

He wasn't even finished with the second song that the crowd had fully succumbed to their spirits, and all came to a feverish pitch, "Heart on fire" was playing loud, and someone busted the main pipe on the ranch tank. They all splashed in the mud as the line dance continued, each note from Dan's guitar raised arms and caused bodies to gyrate.

Dan was convinced that he had tapped into a very powerful force, and interpretive line dancing will be the hit at all the boot scooting dance floors in Texas this summer.

Western Haiku

Dan is now experimenting with Western minimalism, to be the first in Country music to create minutia out of the obvious. This demands great discipline of the art of Haiku, and he is dedicating the next year to this endeavor. Here is just a taste of this new art form:

Country Haiku:

Go Bar Hopping

Springtime cattle tilting

Relative paying bail

Building a wall

We here at the WTM offices located in north Dallas, are concerned with the safety and well being of Dan Simonis. He is not returning calls nor responding to emails at a time when it is most urgent to communicate before the release of his latest album. We have had much experience with previous artists who go into a panic when they get to the "altar" of a new release, followed by a massive tour; the endless interviews with late night shows; performances for MTV, VH1, Hannah Montana.....scratch that...and the jet lag that hangs over it all. That is when some musicians will retreat and build a wall to push this reality back by any means. They hide in their villas, go to their secret get away spots, or hop-scotch from hotel to hotel in the big cities till they finally get cornered.
If you are reading this Dan, we mean no harm to you, we only want the best for you, and need to talk to you. The last time we talked you seemed incoherent and mumbled something about "...the cinder blocks of hell will protect me from those corporate bastards who only want to steal my image and songs...never!!"
We understand, we have hired the best lawyers in New York and L.A.; you need to exercise a little trust now Dan...you have our numbers, you can reach us at any time, and you really need to get your prescription refilled as soon as possible. You have our support and the fans all over the United States and the world who reads this blog and supports your dream.
Dan, we all love you, now come back home and start that dream you have been working so hard on.

P.S. For you fans that would like to leave a comment in support of Dan, simply click on the comment key below. We thank you for your support of Dan, let him know it too.

Mother Trucker

Dan is fit to be tied. He has recently purchased his life's longtime dream, the Cadillac of Cadillacs, a primo package on 18 wheels, just in time to take his recent album release on the road! This brand new International is lubed and ready to go, and Dan has his list of towns he is going to tour, and all for a mere 40,000 dollars! How many bombs can that buy?! Higgeldy Diggeldy!

West Texas Millionaire helps Truthers

Dan was feeling uneasy about hearing of the growing numbers of Truthers disappearing around America. The report went on to say that they were being taken by Government officials for "questioning" about the evidence and information that they possessed. Dan is not a proponent of the conspiracy theory, but supports the right of every American to express their first amendment right without hinderance.

Dan went to the streets and found a man holding a sign,

"Know the truth, 9-11 was an inside job" Dan asked him, "If in case you know the truth, does any family member know where you are right now? any friends? Have you made a plan if in case the govt. takes you in for "questioning"? The man looked concerned, knowing that another piece of the conspiracy puzzle had just been revealed!

And so Dan is on a campaign to educate Truthers to have a plan of action. The program is called "The Truth may NOT set you free". Dan began to educate the Truthers that they are vulnerable to the information they possess, and that they must be vigil to the inevitable. "Its not a question of if" Dan instructs, "It's a matter of WHEN".

And so the march goes on for the truthers, with the recent horror that there has been a missing persons report issued in Langtry Tx, referring to a homeless drug addict who was speaking the truths of 9/11. The only witness said that a black van pulled up and the driver simply asked, "Wanna take a ride?"

Texas Rangers Question Dan Simonis

Dan Simonis was brought in for questioning today by Texas Ranger Keith Guffy in an investigation that is taking place regarding a string of robberies in sector K of west Texas, which includes El Paso, Presco, and Hatspen counties. locations included Cattleman’s National Bank, El Paso National Bank and a circle k store, which the latter was witnessed by Blanch Edwards.

She described the get away car as a 56/57 white Cadillac. They tried to set up a dragnet in El Paso, but was unsuccessful. This brought the Rangers to Arizona territory to question Dan Simonis about his whereabouts on Monday. He stated that he was in Bisbee, and had not left his house. After several hours of interrogation, Rangers were satisfied with Dan's testimony but stated that he could be questioned further. Bisbee authorities were also notified about the ongoing investigation and that Mr. Simonis could not leave Cochise county until further notice. They took his fingerprints and mug shot for the record:

Food not Bombs aide West Texas Millionaires

The West Texas Millionaires would like to thank the Food not Bombs Organization for following our blog, listening to our music, and for being fans . We especially want to say thanks for the help in promoting us in the Bisbee Arizona area which resulted in a flood of donations to help in the recording in space project. There is just one correction and that is that the cost is not $200,000 total it is $200,000 per band member, so keep those donations coming!

Rock Fore Rehab

On Jan. 31 it’s Rock Fore Rehab at Turquoise Valley, a benefit for the Verhelst House, all afternoon long. Last year’s event was packed, as they had some fantastic entertainment. Expect no less this year! For 40 years the Verhelst House has helped men from a wide geographic area face their problems, learn useful trades, get back on their feet and become productive members of society. Not exempt from today’s tough times, the Verhelst House relies heavily on this endeavor to survive each year.
Dan has been working hard to get things ready, and is going to be taking the stage along with others. He does it for many reasons, but one is remembering that he was also once on hard times, totally broke from gambling at the Sands casino. Had it not been for someone to get him out of that jam, he would probably still be in Vegas, staying in Vegas.
So all of you who can make it, come on out; and if you wish to donate to the cause, go to their website: http://verhelstrecoveryhouse.org/Events.aspx

Ice fishing in Texas

Usually, ice fishing is taken up by skilled fishermen, those who have already mastered fishing during summer period. Many have noticed how people move from one place to another place on frozen water reservoirs. They identify a place and sit for hours together motionless. Ice fishing fascinates and attracts. It is some kind of a narcotic. Many can express that it is awfully uninteresting to sit motionless in winters on a frozen reservoir and wait for much-awaited catch. But not Dan, for him it is the first step to the studio, and it gives him the most creative work of the year.

He was on his Texas ranch in Marfa, at one of the tanks used for watering his 237 head of cattle. The tank was totally frozen over. He cut his hole in the ice, set up his chair and electric coffee maker, baited his hook, and commenced to sit and think. An hour passed and the first of many melodies started to pass through his mind.

Then it happened.

His fishing rod was slowly bending and Dan was thinking, “Awesome, this should be a big walleye.” He slowly picked up the rod, which thankfully had 6-pound test line on it, and set the hook.

The fish made several lunges toward the bottom. He finally got it to the hole and saw the white belly. He was thinking state record, until the next time it swam by the hole and saw the whiskers. It was a huge catfish, perhaps 16 to 20 pounds. He slowly worked the line in and the great moment to bring the fish topside came. But there was a problem, a tiny problem.

There's a saying that if you don't think big, you won't get big. And in this case, it was the hole that Dan had cut, the usual 10 inch in diameter. It was like a bad cartoon, every time Dan pulled on the line, the catfish's head compressed against the ice, giving this mocking, shocked look on its face, then plunging back down. "This can't be happening" Dan said over and over, but it was happening. After 4 attempts of pulling the great cat up to the surface, the ultimate happened. Dan's line broke and he pulled up only a memory. He sat back down, put the pole down, and for the next 2 and a half hours, he pondered the pain man must suffer in life.

The Saddest Country Song Ever Written

A report recently published by The Council of Country Music Analysis states that Dan Simonis has written the saddest country song ever. The Council conducted a double blind test (?) to a panel of country lovers and monitored the results. Test results ranged from sullen expressions to outright blubbering at the top of their lungs.

This ousts "He Stopped Loving Her Today" by George Jones, who called Dan to congratulate him. We cannot go into details about the lyrics or Mp3 recordings of the song, until it is judged safe enough for the public, according to the American Psychiatric Association. We as well congratulate Dan for making history yet again.